What do you do with a 4 year old who is incredubky stubborn?

[NAB3littlemonkeys]

Aaaarggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

mamamoor, lol

nab3, food is THE battleground. I would have done what you did rather than send dd in without brekkie. At least, your dd eats what she says she wants. I could get to your stage, prepare dd what she says she wants, only for her to refuse that too and then ask for something else {cue shrieking).

As a result, I refuse to spend a lot of time preparing her food at home. She eats cereals, sandwiches, frankfurters, sliced cheese, chocolate atm.

Thank goodness she gets hot meals at school (nice food cooked onsite) where she eats everything going, otherwise she would never get any good food down her.

Lainey, we put sugar in dd's weetabix as well. I don't think comments from a food police would go down very well in my household. Different styles, different children, shall I say.

NAB I do think you should send your child to school with no breakfast if they are using it as part of a power struggle. She'll no doubt get a snack and drink at snack time then she'll eat her lunch with relish. It won't harm or kill her to be shown that you are not a cafe! That you don't waste good food that has been prepared for her. That you won't give attention to her demands for different food. Making her something else does simply re-inforce that she can exercise her power at food times and play games and you will play along...what fun

or send your dd to breakfast club (if that is an option), which is what I do. Tbh, if dd refuses to eat her brekkie, she will probably still get a rice cake (that's IT). It is a power struggle, yes siree, but I choose my battles.

Strongwilled child, different animal, different strategies.

Has anyone read Raising Your Spirited Child? I find it really helpful in dealing with DD1's (5.5) stubborness as I posted on the thread about disciplining a rabid roaring 4 yr old DS. It's helpful for stubborn parents too

We put the jam in as they have been leaving it.

I have that book too! If only I had time to read it!

There is no breakfast club at school. On a weekend they could go wothout but I really don't feel I can send er out with nothing at all in her.

yes, chieffairy, I definitely recommend that book! If anything, it frees us to parent our "spirited children" differently.

Be more stubborn. Bribery and persuasion has it's place but sometime digging your heels in harder is the only way.

Agree, Orm, subject to the caveat of choosing your battles ...

Sorry. That wasn't particularly helpful was it?

She sounds exactly like my DS#2. He drives me crazy at times. In your situation (which sounds so familiar) I'd have done everything that you did. Then I would have gone back to her. Crouched down at her level and told her in no uncertain terms that she had to come with me NOW or she would lose some priviledge. Then grab her hand and make her come. Remain calm and don't shout. I know it sounds harsh but sometime there is no choice. I have 3 DCs and they all have to be at school on time - I WILL NOT let they youngest dictate when they get to school. Actually they can go on alone but I want to be able to talk to them as well. A 4yr old shouldn't rule the entire family.

God I sound like such a tyrant but I am not really. I've just learned the hard way that when there a 5 people in the family one cannot dictate.

Oh yes....choosing of battles is essential. I would never force the issue if there were no time constraints and his behaviour wasn't affecting the other DCs. Re breakfast for example - I'd never stress that. In DS's case he gets fruit at break time and lunch at 12 so he isn't going to starve.

to those of you with stubborn 4 yos who are not yet at school, mine (5 on sunday) has really blossomed since she started in september, and is a new child as far as food is concerned - constantly eating and asking for food. a number of mums have noticed this with their children. so possible light at the end of the tunnel there.....but you have my sympathies in the meantime.

OrmIrian The problem I would have with that is she has a weak arm and so I couldn't really pull her along, which is what she would make me do. Carrying her is a sd as she would kick. The tone of vice that works with DS1 does not work with her. She really is the stubbornest child ever* born.

BTW It all helps!

I don't really have food issues with her. She is eating more now she goes to school but yesterday she went without tea as she wouldn't try it. On the whole though I am quite happy with her eating.

I see. I wouldn't recommend that then. FWIW i've never had to really pull DS#2 along. He seems to accept that when I speak in 'that' voice and grab his hand, the games is up. I just would really like to be able to reason with him. Mostly I can, but not always.

I used to carry DS but he's a big 4 yr old and my back won't take it now. It's a bugger isn't it?

Oh I do feel for you NAB3

I went to parent/teacher (nursery) meeting last week and was told my 3 year old dd like 'having a teenager in the class', and that 'she certainly knows her own mind'. Now this was a surprise to me, as although I am WELL aware of her stubborness and willfullness at home, I just assumed she was a well behaved, obedient child at nursery . Why I thought this, I will never know (silly, silly TMP).

I have now introduced a star chart for 'good behaviour' and she is responding reasonably well - but the stubborn streak still remains.

Wonder what she will be like when she is 4?!

I have finally found something which seems to hurt DS (not physically!): As well as a sticker chart for good behaviour (treat = play gym (takes 2-3 weeks to fill)) I have now instigated a sweetie chart.

Both DS have a velcro strip, with their pic at top, and five laminated sweetie pictures stuck on the strip. They start with 5, and lose one (after a warning) for bad behaviour, then get the number of sweets that are left, after tea.

I know some people don't advocate focusing on bad behaviour, but the threat of losing a sweet often is enough to correct it.

We are doing the marbles in a jar and I am trying not to remove any for bad behaviour. I did take 2 this morning from Ds1 (can't remember why now but he has been a monkey all week) and he said he didn't care and didn't want any anyway! Wondering if it is bravado with him....

Bravado - yes, in our case, DS often says he doesn't care too, but he suddenly cares when the sweets are being doled out!

What happens with the marble jar?

Oh, we don't get sweets here and I do trey not to use food as reward/punishments. Hard though when I want to give them a treat.

Never mind my methods NAB... it works for me and mine!

Just wondering how the marble jar worked... surely you give some kind of reward for marbles remaining.... or take something away if the marbles all go?

Or is it just the "wow I've still got all my marbles" factor?

(wish I still had all mine.... )

Todays saga! Walking to school a friend joined us. DD refuses to walk, I try and make her. End up carrying her the whole way. I assume she doesn't want to walk with someone but refuse to let the friend go a different way. Turns out DD wanted her hood on. She hadn't asked me this, how was I meant to know. Stubborn is not the word!

We so need a rolling eyes emoticon.

At the minute Daddy has cancelled Christmas but if they fill the jars in time they can have it!!

Oh I see now... they have to fill their marble jars in order to celebrate Christmas.

And there's me being mean using food as an incentive.

It had to be something that the kids really wanted!