What do you do with a 4 year old who is incredubky stubborn?

[NAB3littlemonkeys]

Aaaarggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

incredibly

made me so cross I can't type!

give him a choice? (not always poss, I know)

What's (s)he done?

I have a 6yo just the same. Is slowly improving....

Be twice as stubborn.

deep breath. It'll all be over in less than 20 years.

Okay. Todays situation. Walking the whole way to school with DS2 in the buggy and DD walking. She wants a drink, I give her her sports bottle knowing she won't walk and drink. I tell her she can catch me up. She has been walking behind me most of the way and where I was continuing on was perfectly safe, no road, and she could see me. I turn around and she is standing still with her bottle thrown on the floor. I tell her 3 times I am going on to school and she can either come or stay there. A few moments later a couple appear walking a dog. She comes running, sees me and then stops. I remind her again I have to go and just hide out of sight (but where I can see her). By now, time is getting on so I leave the buggy and set off to get her. By now a mum I know has offered to bring her to me. DD is red in the face and when the lady said what she said DD started crying. This is progress as it is not so long ago DD would have ignored anyone who tried to talk to her.

If you got all that, well done. There was only one choice really so not a real give her a choice situation.

She will be going to bed without any tea as well as she is refusing to try what I have made.

my dd's go to bed without any tea everyday except friday when they get chips, people say they will eat their tea eventually when they realise there is no alternative but dd1 is 4yo and still hasn't learnt.
Just remember that while she is no doing as she is told and challenging you she is showing what an intelligent person she is. not a lot of help but can make you feel better.
Also if it comes to it drag her kicking and screaming where she has to go. Or tuck her under your arm as I do with my 4yodd although she is very small for her age.

Oh, she is exceptionally bright, probably why she is so stubborn too. I do carry her at times but she kicks.

Can you motivate her to keep ahead....I usually have to incentivise DS with a race and he gets in front and makes sure he wins by getting ahead.

As for food...I make up a story and sit at the table with him so he forgets he's eating...if he stops the story stops. Helps me not to get wound up too.

Sometimes think I try too hard with all this stuff though...perhaps I should stand firm.

We had lots of races. She wanted a drink. She won't walk and drink. No reason for her to throw the bottle on the floor. She could have asked me to wait.

Nothing encourages this child to eat if she has decided she doesn't want too.

Thanks for responding though!

Just to show you are not alone I have just fed my bin two lovely portions of rissoto. I have the best fed bin in the world. They are sent to try us aren't they!

I've been there so many times, NAB. DH once insisted DS walked home from the village (10 min walk) and spent 1 hour in front of a shop, waiting for him to set off. He did win but I'm not sure I could've carried it on that long!

I get really wound up if a deadline is approaching and DS is playing up. Being late is my bete noir.

Well done you, for sticking out.

Lairyfairy - my bin is nearly as well fed! I have finally learnt not to get wound up about food... and to give them their favourite things a lot (it's not all trashy).

.... sticking it out for so long, I should've said. I don't blame you for relenting if you were heading for school.

One thing I'm spectacularly good at, is getting myself into a corner with DS. ie - Do such-and-such or we're not going to so-and-so ... this being over something a bit trivial, and the place being a treat for me too. I have had to cancel playdates in the past.

I'm getting better at thinking before I speak now - but whatever threat I use DOES get carried out. He came this close from missing his own brother's birthday party.

That's a pain isn't it I once kept dd1 off playgroup for about 6wks, was going out of my mind with lonliness by the end of it. I think I am as stubborn as her. We are going to get on really well when teenage years hit. lol

Oh crikey, sympathy. My dd is the same. The nursery kindly describe her as 'willful'.
I am hoping School in January will help a bit . Don't know why, but I have to hope.
My problem is I am not at all stubborn so she invariably wins as I give up too easily. (I do stick to threats with discipline though, on that I am a stickler)

Vanilla, my DS is usually sweet as pie with everyone else, and saves it for me!

Just to reassure you though, he has been better since he started school. He's also learnt some choice names for me there, too

Oh, looking forward to that then. Nursery told me they spoke to the teacher today and said that dd1 will get on brilliantly as long as she is kept occupied. This is so true. As long as I am interacting with her she is fabulous, but the moment I have to do something not involving her she turns. Shopping is a nightmare. I just don't do it with her unless it is totally unavoidable like in the holidays . I am hoping school will teach her that the world doesn't revolve around her a bit though IYSWIM. She is good at sharing etc, but certainly expects things to go her way.

Both my older 2 are angels at school.........

Ha ha, they wouldn't have mine.

vanillapumpkin,"As long as I am interacting with her she is fabulous, but the moment I have to do something not involving her she turns."

That is dd (4) - sob. I am as emotional and stubborn as dd and have been shouting at her a lot lately. Don't like the person I have become

NAB3, don't I understand. It was perfectly within your dd's ability to catch up. Just as my dd can damn well take herself for a wee at home (she does this fine at school) but she won't and would rather expend an extraordinary amount of energy pulling at me, whining, screaming, threatening to wet herself to get me to take her, whilst I am in the middle of cooking.

What's with these 4 year olds?

Oh don't talk to me about shouting . She refuses to do something, I get frustrated, I shout, then she does it back, then her sister starts and it is all my poor example. She can frustrate me so much though.

I scream, you scream, we all scream together!! Need we say more!!!!

This morning DH made the kids their usual porridge and put a spoonful of jam in for a treat. DD refused to eat it saying she didn't like jam. She does. I asked her to try a spoonful and if she didn't like it she didn't have to eat it. Wouldn't even try it. I asked her what she wanted, plain porridge, and made it for her. She ate it. DH said I undermined him as it was her choice to not eat it and therefore go to school with nothing. I really don't think you should send your child to school without a breakfast. Especailly on a cold day like today.

Why put jam in in the first place if she'll eat it without? My husband does sometimes puts sugar on their cereal as a 'treat'. It drives me mad.

'does sometimes puts sugar'???...mmm.. Too early for me I think.