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Does a 1 year old need to go to nursery?

35 replies

kerala · 24/08/2007 17:02

The majority of my mum friends are putting their 1 year olds into nurseries for up to 4 days a week. They are all talking about active play, yoga for babies, interaction.

I am lookng after dd at home. We go to lots of groups and playgroups and spend time with other mums and children. But is she missing out by not being left in a nursery? She is at the separation anxiety stage and gets upset when I leave the room, I cant imagine how she would be if I left her.

Not looking to open the whole to work outside the home or not debate, just wondered what others thought.

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newgirl · 24/08/2007 19:37

i would add that when dd is older - say 3? when nursery grants kick in - i think they do benefit from nursery - that certainly seemed to be the case for the kids i know when they started school - the ones who had been to nursery seemed to settle in to school easier than the two who did not.

i have also noticed that some of the kids i know who went to nursery very young do play very well with the kids they know - more so than some of the kids who didnt go - but that is only personal observation and i am sure others will have seen the complete opposite!

tassisssss · 24/08/2007 19:37

hmmm, the issue can sometimes be that mums who use nureseries because they want to/have to say things like "they've benefitted from it so much" which may well be true. If you've decided to stay at home with LO that can be hard to hear because it can imply that you're depriving your LO. Think you just have to do what you think is right and not worry about it.

We used a nursery for ds for about 6 months from the age of 1 (2 days a week) and are very glad not to be doing the same with dd (11 months).

I took ds to lots of groups and enjoyed them, dd gets to follow ds round his activities and i'm sure she's not missing out in any way!

indiasmum · 24/08/2007 19:41

oh i wanted to add that i only think babies and small toddlers shouldnt go to nursery, when they get to 3 is the right time i think esp going to a preschool which may have links with the eventual primary school and also its not such a long day for them.

mm22bys · 25/08/2007 08:19

A one-year old doesn't need to go to nursery for social development, but there are various circumstances where it may be necessary (work, no family nearby, other commitments of parents where it's better for everyone else (including the child) for the child not to be there).

I went back to work when my DS1 was 15 months, and he went to nursery. In hindsight, it was too young for him.

When he was about 11 months older, so just over two, I finished working, and still kept him in one day a week (I had lots of medical appointments not close to where we live and neither of us could have coped with carting him along!), and by that age he loved it - I knew I had made the decision when he started running into nursery in the morning!

Now that DS2 is here, and he is older, he goes to nursery a fair bit now, and he loves it. He tells me on the days he is home that he wants to go to nursery.

Please don't be so harsh on mothers who don't have other means to look after their children. I don't have family nearby, and my DS2 has his own issues, so the only option is for me to put DS1 in nursery. He is happy, and I get to meet my DS2's needs as well.

As an aside, when DS1 was starting at nursery, I met another mum who was SAHM who had her young baby in nursery for 2 days a week. I didn't agree with it at the time (why would a SAHM need a nursery?) but now I can see that some time apart from her son meant that she was actually a better mum, and once we get DS2s issues sorted out I will probably send him for 2 mornings or afternoons a week).

It is a personal decision, all our circumstances are different, and just because we wouldn't do something because our circumstances allow, doesn't mean those same actions by someone else who has no other option is "wrong".

I don't know why we are so judgmental of other mums!

cylon · 25/08/2007 11:30

to answer indiasmom's question.
not everyone has kids because they wasnt them. plenty of people have kids cox they had sex, got pregnant, and didnt want to be murderers.

NannyL · 25/08/2007 11:39

one year olds do not need to go to nursary

I do howver understand that mums looking after their children 24/7 may need a break, especially at this difficult age!

My youngest charge will not be starting any form of preschool until after his 3rd birthday. (his birthday is the beginning of september) he wont start reception until after his 5th birthday either

Niecie · 25/08/2007 11:55

No she doesn't need to go to nursery. Nurseries are really for mothers who work or need some time to themselves for whatever reason and although I am definitely not saying they are doing harm to the children and that they don't do a great job your DD doesn't have to go.

I sounds to me like your friends are trying to justify their decision to put their children in nursery to themselves and to others rather than because they think it is what they have to do for their children. They don't need to - the choice is theirs and if their children are well cared for and happy it is nobody else's business. They also don't need to make you feel uncertain just because you don't do as they do.

Chidlren of your daughter's age are not capable of cooperative play and bearly capable of parallel play - playing along side others, so please don't feel you are doing the wrong thing.

She may well benefit from playgroup but most don't take children until they are 2.5 years or older (i.e when they are developmentally ready for cooperative play)so you have a lot of time to enjoy her.

You do what you think is best for you and your DD. Don't let anybody else spoil that for you.

gillhowe · 25/08/2007 13:07

Some of my friends are about to go back to work in the next couple of months and there is always a lot of talk about how nursery will be good for the babies. DS (now 9.5m) isn't going to go to nursery and I have to bite my tongue quite a lot as it often seems implied that I am neglecting DS by not putting him in a nursery so he can learn social interaction, that he isn't the centre of the universe, etc!

I'm sure a lot of it is because its such a hard time and they need to think about the pro's and the reasons why it will be good for the kids.

ThursdayNext · 26/08/2007 22:18

Kerala, just wanted to add another vote for if you're happy then I'm sure dd will be.
Your question and comment is very tactfully put!
I don't even think the playgroup stuff is honestly of any particular benefit for children at this age. Not that you shouldn't go if you want to, obviously, but if you don't like them I wouldn't feel obliged.

bunsen · 04/09/2007 23:43

Juuule - I have read he link, esp the 'About us' section. Do those people really believe that the children who killed JAmes Bulger did so because their mothers did a bit of work. Shocking how some people will quantify the actions of evil. Hmm.

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