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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Getting rid of the dummy? Should I and if so how!

41 replies

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 10:45

Hi - am looking for some tips or advice from experienced dummy removers!
My daughter is 9 months and has a dummy to go to sleep. She never has it out of her cot, and she knows that she needs to leave it in her cot when she has finished her nap. However she is starting to get funny if she cant find it in the night - so I have started leaving more dummies in the cot! However if she doesnt want to go back to sleep she throws them out of the cot onto the floor (wooden floor) so makes a loud noise - and then screams until I go in and give them back.
I thought it might be easier to take it away now, before she is old enough to reason about it - but not likely to get much support from husband who just wants a quiet life and doesnt mind how .
Any tips for getting rid:?? Or should I just leave it and wait until she gives it up naturally??

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Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 13:06

Just another message - to make sure people still see this thread. Could really use some advice

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NAB3 · 17/08/2007 13:09

Def do it now. 6 months is, imo, the best time but 9 is good too. We did it by using the pick up, put down method. Took about 4 nights. Sounds like your kind of thing?

saralou · 17/08/2007 13:12

get rid of your dh now then... my dp has mde ds1's addiction worse in wanting a peaceful life!!!

i'm not much help (as you can see) but just a little bump to see if anyone more knowledgable in this department can help

Lorayn · 17/08/2007 13:13

if you can stand the few restless nights, I'd say do it, she needs to learn to get back to sleep by herself without the aid of the dummy as soon as possibly feasible, I didn't give DD a dummy, but at six months SIL had her over night and shoved one in her mouth, I didn't get it off her til she was nearly two, and with a lot of tantrums, with DS he was around 16months when I took it off him, but that was a lot easier.

Meeely2 · 17/08/2007 13:17

sorry not much help, we went cold turkey at just over 2 years! at nine months i would have rather gouged out my eyes with a rusty spoon than given up dummies! However they didn;t used to use them to get our attention, so since we weren;t experiencing any issues we carried on using them until i realised i had no photos of the kids without dummies in and I had become a dummy addicted mother!

Do what you think is best, sod everyone else, if she happy just having it at night, who is it hurting?

My dt's also still have a bottle at bedtime (they are 2.8), so i'm clearly the worst mummy to give advice

isaidno · 17/08/2007 13:19

I took the dummy off both mine at age 2 with no problems at all - just told them they were gone because big boys didn't have dummies. (I was careful that they never had it other than sleeptime anyway.)

I would go for it in your case - you're not getting a quiet life at the moment and DD is learning maniplution tactics!

Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 13:32

Thanks for the tips - I want to give it a go but I am nervous that she will not be able to get to sleep without it. Or will start sucking thumb. I also wont get any help from hubby who rarely gets up in the night - and commented yesterday - if you do that - I am going to sleep in a tent in the garden!!!

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Eddas · 17/08/2007 13:32

Well IMO 9months is a bit young, but if you think she'll be ok after a few nights then do it. But it will take a while.

DD had her dummy until she was a little over 2. She had it quite a lot when she was under probably 12months, can't remember the exact age! Then she only had it for naps and night time. IMO if they find it a comfort then there's no harm. I never let her talk to me with it in as the main concern seems to be that speech will not develop properly. I can tell you that a dummy has not affected her speech in the slightest

When we took it away(as I said at just over 2) she was moving into a new bedroom. Her 'big girls' room. We explained that she couldn't have them in her new room. Made her put them in the pot she kept them in. In the morning the 'dummy fairy' had taken the dummies and put in some money. We went out that day and she bought some sweets and a magazine. Was quite happy

She asked for the dummy that night, and we explained they'd gone and she'd had money and bought a mag and sweets. The next night she asked again. So again we explained.

The third night she didn't ask.

DS now has a dummy(he's 4 months). I'll probably do the same with him, daytime use will dwindle naturally probably and then we'll decorate his room(currently neutral as we weren't sure if he'd be a he or she) and then he can go in his 'big boy' room without his dummy. Fingers crossed he'll be as ok with it as his big sister That is unless he does away with it himself beford hand!

Good luck with however you choose to play it. Ultimately I am with the anything for a quiet life option

Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 13:34

I think I will wait until week after next - as I am on holiday from work so will be able to stand the sleepless nights a bit more! Not much of a holiday though

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Eddas · 17/08/2007 13:35

fifi, if you give it a go then as lon as you are prepared for a hard few nights then that's ok. DH wouldn't be the one getting up anyway by the sound of it.

If it doesn't work you can always give her a dummy and try again in a few weeks.

But remember that she will fall asleep eventually. She'll just have to get use to doing it without sucking her dummy.

Some people switch the attachment to something else. Say a teddy. She's probably too young to go out and pick one herself but maybe try that?

Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 13:38

Or now maybe I think I should wait! If she only has it for naps & nighttime then whats the harm. I guess I am scared cos a friend of mine has a 1.5 DS & he has 8 dummies in his cot and still wont sleep through the night without her on the floor in the nursery. However my DD is pretty good - she doesnt cry when she wakes up in the morning - only in the middle of the night if she cant find the dummy. Just not sure what I should do! Thanks for all the advice so far though . Has made a boring afternoon at work more fun!

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Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 13:42

Thanks Eddas for your support - you're right about DH - he wont help much whatever happens so I think I will see what I feel on my week off. DD has loads of toys in her oot - doesnt seem to have a particular favourite yet though

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Meeely2 · 17/08/2007 13:45

fifi20, my dh was the same when i gave them up - it was harder weaning him off dummies than the kids. I eventually had to throw them away so he wouldn't be tempted to give in.

It was literally 3 days of hell then nothing - but i am DREADING giving up nightime bottles and actually may never do so!

MonkeyandBabyBoo · 17/08/2007 13:45

I must be a bad mummy as my DS has only just given his up at 3! Wanted it gone before he was 3 but didn't have the bottle - took the leap a few months ago and told him I had lost it (another bad mummy moment for lying ) and after he had a damn good look for it that night he accepted it and hasn't mentioned it since! So no advice re: giving it up at 9 months - maybe wait a bit longer so she is a bit more involved in the decision. Or if you feel its the right time then just be prepared for a few bad nights

Eddas · 17/08/2007 13:45

8 dummys sounds about right DD used to have loads because then she'd be able to find at least one on her own and then I didn't have to go in during the night

But the laying on the floor is a seperate thing, would not be doing that, terribly bad habit. So time consuming.

Caroline1852 · 17/08/2007 13:46

I read somewhere once that you should get the child to make the disposal themselves otherwise they think you are witholding the object and are capable of weakening to their persistent demands. Perhaps you should get her to put them in a big public bin - perhaps a recycling centre? She will know then they are not hidden in Mummy's bedside cabinet and not bother to keep persisting.

LilyLoo · 17/08/2007 13:47

Fifi my dd still has hers she is two and a half. We took my ds off him age 3. It has never caused any sleep problems in either of them and if anything i find it easier to get them off them when we can prepare for it and they understand that it's going to happen.
It really depends how much it bothers you but i wouldn't do it on the basis of your sons friend.
TBH i would have rather had the sleep at 9 months

Caroline1852 · 17/08/2007 13:49

Just be definite - I suspect it will be easier than you imagine. It will only be unbearable if the child sees your resolve wobble and weaken.... so best send DH on a golfing holiday or something.

Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 13:53

I think I will give a go - and if no improvement after 3 days will give in and try later!! Or is that the worst of both worlds. Should I just ignore DD if she throws dummies out of cot? Maybe then she wont do that - and she can keep them!

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saralou · 17/08/2007 13:53

this has just made me think of a funny story, about one of my friends ds when he gave up the dummy... she took him out let him pick a toy, which he could have in exchange for putting his dummy's in the bin... got home dummys went in the bin, he played with his new toy. the next day he changed his mind, even gave his toy back to my friend, so she explained the bin men had taken them, blah blah blah

when the bin men came, her ds went out and told them they had his dummy's and he wanted them back, now!!!! that story makes me lol!

Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 13:58

Excellent! My other friends DD1 had a dummy till 3 - and on her 3rd birthday she said that she was too big for her dummys and threw them all in the bin herself! Then the next day she changed her mind - but my friend said the same thing - and 2 days later she had forgotten all about it!!!

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Caroline1852 · 17/08/2007 14:12

"Try for 3 days" - she will smell your fear!

Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 14:22

Do you think so!! You are probably right! I horseride a lot - and horses can tell if you are scared - so I guess so can babies! I am torn between doing the right thing (which I think is to get rid) and the easy thing - which is to leave for now and worry later!

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Caroline1852 · 17/08/2007 14:28

Get rid of the dummy, do it today! You will have to go through the same pain whenever you get rid of it. If you do it now, you wont spend the next year and a half picking up the dummies from the floor. Be definite, absolutely no going back, she will pick up the vibe that the dummy days are well and truly over and move on. Good luck with it. (PS I do think babies and small children smell fear or hesitance just like horses!)

Original poster

fifi20 · 17/08/2007 14:31

Thank you - I will try. I am going to start a week on Sunday (when on holiday for a week and not going anywhere!). So wish me luck! Will repost and let any interested parties know what happened - I may need some support!!!

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