Just experienced a new feeling - being a first time and everyone hating me for being useless! did i hurt my baby?

[bumbly]

I never thought this would come with being a new mum...

hubby giving me disapproving fleeting comments (not on purpose mind you) but whenever i make little mistakes...

same with my monther..saying you and all your books and courses and yet dpn't even know how to hold a baby

a course doesn't teach you that!!!

basically whenever I do something wrong - as am a completely non baby person...people give me bad vibe looks...

story: yesterday I was holding baby to my chest..he was rooting around as was hungry then went into a huge tantrum...i got my long hair stuck and with one hand was trying to release it..then all of sudden..LO's head jerked violently back - hit my other hand and he hit my chest back again

he cried but it was more the fact that head went in a funny angle back and forward!

am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worried...did i cause any brain damage???

been worried sick all day and reduced to tears..

i know how shaking harms little ones..and here i was holding him when he suddenly jerked his head back in a horrible angle!
how do you know if you have caused any damage to his little neck, spine and esp his brain??

i seem to be esp bad with the holding thing...everything else seems fine....

am now petrified of picking him up - in case i hurt him again!

bumbly, so sad that your mother is behaving like this. I know exactly how youre feeling and I think its awful that new mothers have to put up with other peoples complexes and ulteriour motvies. What I mean is, all you should be getting is encouragement and support;
"youre a good mother" is the only comment on your parenting that you need to hear right now. People who are saying anything else have issues, control issues and jealousy issues. Unfortunately that does include your mother. I donT know how your mother has been before you had your baby, but she is not behaving properly towards you now. She is trying to undermine you, and it will be too difficult right now to find out the reasons why, but you MUST UNDERSTAND that someone who feels they need to put down a new mother has some emotional problems. A new mother is obviously in a vulnerable, fragile state, and any other woman who has had a child knows how this feels. To jump in with criticisms at this stage is cruel in my opinion. It might sound like Im making this into something bigger than it is, but I really do not undertand for the life of me, why some mothers and MILs become "weird" when their daughter or DIL has a child. I think its a little bit dangerous for the new mother, because it can lead to depression and confusion. That is why I want you to know, you are a good mother, and other people know how you feel, and you need to start trusting yourself, because <span class="italic">nobody</span> on this earth knows whats best for your baby except you. Sorry its rambling, but I get upset when I hear of new mums being put down by people who are supposed to actually be <span class="italic">caring</span> for their mental health. In my case, I broke contact with my mother and MIL when the baby was 5 months old and I <span class="italic">immediately</span> felt a hundred times better, and I felt like I could relax and start to enjoy my baby properly, and to live again. This is too drastic for your circumstances I know, but just to show you how other people can actually cause you to become depressed, and when their not there to "help" anymore, you get along not just fine, but much better without them. Very scary, and very sad for them that they cant just be happy for you and encourage you.