Just experienced a new feeling - being a first time and everyone hating me for being useless! did i hurt my baby?

[bumbly]

I never thought this would come with being a new mum...

hubby giving me disapproving fleeting comments (not on purpose mind you) but whenever i make little mistakes...

same with my monther..saying you and all your books and courses and yet dpn't even know how to hold a baby

a course doesn't teach you that!!!

basically whenever I do something wrong - as am a completely non baby person...people give me bad vibe looks...

story: yesterday I was holding baby to my chest..he was rooting around as was hungry then went into a huge tantrum...i got my long hair stuck and with one hand was trying to release it..then all of sudden..LO's head jerked violently back - hit my other hand and he hit my chest back again

he cried but it was more the fact that head went in a funny angle back and forward!

am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worried...did i cause any brain damage???

been worried sick all day and reduced to tears..

i know how shaking harms little ones..and here i was holding him when he suddenly jerked his head back in a horrible angle!
how do you know if you have caused any damage to his little neck, spine and esp his brain??

i seem to be esp bad with the holding thing...everything else seems fine....

am now petrified of picking him up - in case i hurt him again!

and it doesn't get better with age...took 14 month old ds to visit my parents today. Grandad takes him out in their large back garden for a toddle round while proud Gran and I watch from the kitchen and chat over a cuppa. Neighbour calls over wall to my Dad, who goes over to answer, leaving ds playing happily on grass. He crawls off down the garden and sits with his back to the window playing quite happily with something he's found in the grass. Grandad goes back over to him then shows us what his beloved g'child has been entertaining himself with - extremely sharp new rosepruning secateurs!! fortunately all appendages intact.

and more seriously, do let dh/mum know you are finding their behaviour upsetting. My dh has child from previous marriage and in the early days kept correcting me, making comments, telling me I was doing things wrong or being stupid or taking risks etc. etc. which left me incredibly upset and hurt. Took till ds was about 7/8 months old for me to tell him in no uncertain terms that our son is different from his first child, I am his mother and know him better than anyone, and that he needed to let me do things my way. Funnily enough, the timescale tied in with me finally getting help for PND and on the happy tabs before i got the courage to speak up for myself. Don't leave it that long, you deserve to enjoy the early months, they go so fast. Cuddle your child as much as possible, get nekkid together, he was inside YOU, no-one else, and you are the centre of his world. Remember how wonderful it was when you felt him move in you? You just need time to get to know each other on the outside of the tummy now, and it WILL start to feel easier.

bumbly - I hope I am not speaking out of turn but you sound like you might be suffering from a bit of baby blues (from one who knows). Just need to watch for this - hope it's a transient thing but if you are still feeling a bit bealeaguered a few weeks down the line you might need to seek some help

and yes, I too am BabyBouncer, ds rolled off the bed onto the floor with an almightly wallop, scared the beejesus out of me, and resulted in dh having huge shouting fit at me while ds screaming little lungs out, and me sobbing like wreck. Twenty minutes later all calm and he was absolutely fine. Got HV to check him over next day and she said same as everyone else has said, they're tough wee critters!

I remember reading quite some time ago about a 17 day old baby whose head became stuck in some lift doors, and was absolutely fine. I know it's not a common thing to happen, unlike the other things we've all mentioned, but it does show how very tough babies, and their heads are.

Duchesse - I can't even imagine how a baby would get its head stuck in the lift door. Did the story say how it happened?

It was about the time my son was born 14 years ago, as I remember. I seem to remember that the parents had gone shopping for the first time since the birth (the Gateshead centre rings a bell), and had rushed for a lift out of the carpark and ended up leaving their wee one's head stuck in the door. I too am mystified about how that is possible, but it seemed to make sense at the time.

I don't think any of the stories on here quite cap that for bad luck and a misjudgement of personal space, post baby! Just glad it turned out well.

where would I be without mumsnet??
thanks for all your messages of support!!

thanks

feeling a little little little better but still can't stop imagining little head snapping back and then forward to wask my sternum.

just so worried his neck bent too much...and did damage..keep looking at LO for any signs of "damage"

and yes i see it is common to have accidents - but most of you quote things when the baby is older and stronger...not merely a few days old!!

argh!!

still I guess only time will tell...

have been handling LO bit more but still worried if he wriggles out of control and I can't hold him safely....again

where would I be without mumsnet??
thanks for all your messages of support!!

thanks

feeling a little little little better but still can't stop imagining little head snapping back and then forward to wask my sternum.

just so worried his neck bent too much...and did damage..keep looking at LO for any signs of "damage"

and yes i see it is common to have accidents - but most of you quote things when the baby is older and stronger...not merely a few days old!!

argh!!

still I guess only time will tell...

have been handling LO bit more but still worried if he wriggles out of control and I can't hold him safely....again

Oh you poor love. I used to be a nanny and everyone, including me, thought I would sail through being a mum. So not the case.
I have had a similar experience with mine with them throwing their heads back. You worry and panic loads at the time but mine are now 6, 4 tmw and 2 and they are all fine.
Those making unhelpful comments need to be told to stop. Why do they need to put you down? They are meant to love you!!!!

Message withdrawn

seriously, my door banging was at a few days old. if you are really, really worried then pay £30 and take him to see an infant chiropractor (cranio-sacral) and get them to give you the all-clear. and then have a Big Talk with your dh about him undermining you. and then tell your mother to quit it, too.

oooh, good poiint danae. that's why babies like being swaddled.

How are you feeling generally bumbly - about everything?

Bumbly

Time will tell, yes, and the time given for tell tale signs of brain damage is 24 hours max. Seriously. What you described does not sound like a cause of brain damage in any case. Danae is dead right - if it is still causing you concern, then take him to your doctors - they are fantastic with new babies and their mothers concerns.

I think it is normal to feel, perhaps overly, concerned about newborn babies - it is the effect of hormones and the shock of labour and everything. I also think it is worth keeping a check on your emotions and how you are feeling as HMC suggests. Sometimes feelings and angsts can take over and that is worth talking to your GP about too - particularly if you have access to a femal GP I find. I had a fab HV too and she was a fantastic support to me when I needed her.

You are doing a grand job of being a caring, lovely mum.

bumbly,

Don't get discouraged, you are just learning all this and it takes time. Six months from now you will look back and have a good laugh about all this.
Something that might help is pulling your hair back and buying a boppy. Boppy's are God's gift to women. Anyway they can really make adjusting to holding the baby easier for you.

Look here and see what I am talking about.

shopboppy.com/shop/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=1&zenid=fed63c65919986c5e8b06eacb1fffa73

I had one of these Boppies, every new Mum in Germany has one of these I think. They are great for getting comfy and supporting the baby properly.

My DS was only a couple of weeks old when he fell out of his car seat, face down onto concrete. He wasn't strapped in and my Dad lifted the car seat to put him in the car and hadn't clicked the handle into place. The whole seat tipped, and DS landed on his head. We took him straight to the Dr, she checked him over and told us to watch him carefully for the next 24 hours. Aside from a horrific bruise on his forehead, he was fine and is now (3 years) as bright as a button. My Dad was probably more upset than anyone else actually, I was quite calm but Dad was shaking.

If you are still worried, then speak to your Dr, my Doc always said he'd rather we came in once too often than once too late. Even if it just to calm your fears, it will make you more confidant in holding your DS.

Don't panic. When my daughter was tiny she head butted me on the nose so hard that I was seeing stars, she was fine (I looked like I had been mugged) and another time I dropped her on a wooden floor when she slid off my lap, she had a massive red mark on her forehead but was fine.

They are really resilient when they are tiny. You may also find a sling handy to help you with carrying him around with confidence.

Oh, of course he didn't give himself brain damage! If it was that easy to give yourself brain damage as a baby, nobody would grow up half 'normal'! Shaken baby syndrome (which is actually losing credibility as a diagnosis anyway) is when a tiny baby is shaken vigorous and forcibly repeatedly by an ADULT! Totally different! Babies go blue and floppy. YOur baby does NOT have shaken baby syndrome. It moved its own head - they do that. Their heads are surprisingly hard! Go on, tip your own head right back - do it now - right back as far as it will go and back. Right, do you have brain damage now? Of course not

His brain is fine. Please try to relax and enjoy him. And if you keep feeling this scared of hurting your baby, please consider you might have a bit of Post Natal Depression.

thanks aloha - yes i def dont have brain damage when doing the same movement - perhaps feel a bit dizzy

but then again i have strong neck muscles....

don't think am suffering from PND as am only down cuz was specifically told off by others (who saw the awkward neck movement) that I should be more careful ...and once i was reprimanded that is when my worries started ...

was fine before then

danae - thanks for your comforting message!!

and everyone else for that matter!

Hope you and your baby is okay again. You are doing a fabously job and you need to tell your husband to support you or be quiet, the same goes for his mother.

I think we have all been there. My daughter fell right through one of those babywalkers and banged her head on the floor, first accident and I was furious with the people who had convinced me that it was a good idea.

She has been through a bramble bush and got a cut right across her face, only just missing her eye.

She has also pulled a shoe cabinet down over herself and now has a scar on her forehead (she is pleased cause I myself fell out of my pram when I was tiny right onto a beercase and we now have an identical scar on our foreheads, same place, same scar).

I could probably go on. I think you will get more and more used to their accidents, and you will figure out when to take them to the hospital or the gp or when they just need a mummy cuddle.

bumbly, I just wanted to back up what everyone else said about brain damage. I was in a car accident with DS when he was 5 weeks old, although all in all it was quite minor we were hit from behind with quite a force. He shrieked and vomited all up the car seat and then on me He was checked out at A&E and they said he was fine but my thought was:

-His head will have snapped back violently, as mine did
-They tell you shaking babies causes brain damage and that will have 'shaken' him
-How would I tell whether a 5 week old has brain damage?

Anyway, i took him to see the HV who was really reassuring. She said babies with brain damage either don't stop screaming in pain, or worse, they go blank, floppy and unresponsive
Take your DS to see a doc / HV for your own peace of mind, but he's almost certain to be fine. Especially if he's fed and slept since.
As for your DH and mum, that's terrible. Explain to them both how you're feeling, tell them you're doing a good job (which you are) and say you need some support rather than put downs!

katy so glad all is well with your baby after your accident!!!

thanks for your post

well LO has eaten since then but on top of it all his sleep pattern has gone out of sync completely...although to be fair don't think it is the head flinching that did it...but simply him not settling into sleep at night for whatever reason

he simly won't settle unless on my belly..and that is another thread/issue

so since the "incident" i guess he is like any newborn is - fidgety at times, sleepy at times..eats lots at times, eats less at times...

my HV said he looked fine but all she did was stare at him...and not sure gp would do much more

as YES am stil worried....