Good old fashioned smacking

[heepie]

I don't believe it did me any harm and I do wonder why the previous generation, ie mine, was so much better behavied than the current, ie my kids. I find the softly softly, ignore bad reward good behaviour does not work with a strong willed child and find myself more and more thinking what was wrong with a good old smack? Peeing on the floor right in front of you with a big smile on the face surely warrants more than the removal of a star on the reward chart? And whacking little brother over the head with a heavy object? Not eating something very nice and edible that I have slaved over in the kitchen? Why must we never tell our children to eat what is in front of them when I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I was finished? I don't have an eating disorder. I think it's time I through all the modern how to bring up children books out of the window and remember how it was done when I was a child? Anyone else feel this way?

UCM have you been reading too much "Viz"

Message withdrawn

I'm gobsmacked.(forgive the pun).

3andnomore, saying 'no', removing from area, naughty step, pasta jar, pocket-money docking, grounding, banning use of family car etc are age-appropriate sanctions.
Age-appropriate sanctions for rude checkout girls would be (eg) asking to speak to her manager and making a complaint.

sorry, but I have "read" real life stories of Kids in my JOb (residential relief bank support worker in a setting of 10-18 years old) ...like brother sets bed on fire age 4, child found scavinging bins for food aged 2, etc.. and to me that is the real abuse people should focus on for now....and then it's the next step, iykwim...and yes I wish I was a non shouty, calm and never ever ever smacking parent....

You would not be rude to me though. I am one of those people who just wont let it go. I practice perfect manners but turn into a monster if they are not returned.

For instance, I always shout 'you're welcome' after I hold a door open and people do not say thank you. They often scurry away, but sometimes they try to give a dreadful excuse, I am right there in their faces saying, Yes, Yes, you have explained yourself - not good enough - Bang!

Krab...and what If I did all that with the checkout girl...and she was still not acked and as rude and worse then ever....should I not sit her on that aughty step then...and no, I would never hit an adult and not because of the fear of repercussions...but because I actually know right from wrong...still apologising for my faults...never been a bully neither, btw...but obviously I am if i EVER LOOSE IT WITH MY kIDS...

Was that 'bang' a slap to face or the slam of the door?
[cowers]

Oh and by the way, if I knock you out, you are out. I used to box.

I was smacked as a child especially in temper by my mother...and this has really affected me..
I have smacked my children as a last resort...2 of them are older now so it has been a good while since I have smacked..I prefer to live in a house where there is good communication and children know the boundaries iyswim...

I am AAAAAAAAAAAAAArd

As various people have already pointed out though, bloss, the analogy with a husband hitting his wife - in a punitive and righteous manner, not a drunken punch - isn't some farcically incomparable point made for the sake of it. If you look outside the little bubble of 21st century Britain for a moment you'll find that for the bulk of recorded human history a man beating/chastising his wife has been as normal, officially sanctioned and culturally ingrained as a parent physically chastising a child. Your attitude today towards the idea of a man legally hitting his wife is the same as our attitudes towards you hitting your child. The same social and legal process forced the outlawing of legalised violence to women as must now put a stop to the lgalised physical abuse of children. The are comparable, because they have both been "normal" for hundreds of years and are now, thankfully, becoming unacceptable. Sadly children's rights lag behind women's by a few decades - but that's the only difference.

You righteous smackers will just have to buck your ideas up and find a more intelligent and human way of dealing with your children, or face prosecution as the cowardly inadequate bullies you really are.

was that to me...the caps lock went on and I didn't check properly before posting...wasn't shouting

I am only joking of course, there is not a tatoo or piercing on my body. However, I do say 'you're welcome after the door holding. Can't help it.

Practice good manners and people generally do

GreenyMcguver, can you poleeeeez use paragraphs in future, I can't read close up

hm...so now we can compare a womans mind to that of a child????????? I mean, of course those living in a soceity that beliefe that disciplining your wife physically is the righ tthing then actually say that an adult woman's mind is to be compared to that of a toddler...hm...not sure I am happy wiht that, tbh....kind of degrading, because a fully grown woman ahoud have life experirence and the intelligence of an adult, whereas I would not expect that of a child.
Still not pro smacking, but....the argument agaisnt aren't that great neither, iykwim....

I will never understand how anyone can hit anyone, let alone a child.

People want to convince themselves it does no harm. They will always say "DD/DS came up for a cuddle minutes later, so she/he was ok"

Losing the love of a parent is the most terrifying prospect to a child - they will do anything to win back approval. If people want to tell themselves that smacking their child does no long term damage to their self esteem, more fool them.

I did use paragraphs UCM - it's just that one of them was a bit longer than 4 lines

In my opinion, you are wrong Greeny. I did try to reason with my 2 year old,who is now a 3 year old. It didn't work.

However, just from today, he was sent to his room twice because he wasn't being very nice to the little boy next door. It works now, but didn't when he kept doing dangerous stuff, where I smacked his hand or his bottom.

I don't think that I will have to smack my DS ever again, the threat of being sent to his room is enough. I wasn't trying to humiliate him, just show him that certain beharviours were not right which were not within his knowledge.

I should have added that I can reason with him now whereas I couldn't before, especially with dangerous stuff.

So UCM, are you really saying that the only way for you to keep your little boy safe was to hit him? Really? I disagree, obviously, but I also think it's sad that you really feel you had no choice but to smack.

I don't think my DD would feel very safe if I hit her.

Well I guess it's horses for courses here. I would rather the short sharp shock, get over it (no cuddling afterwards) and get on with whatever we were doing.

Sorry - very long post. You will all be pleased i will not have time for much more, if anything.

Dd who was putting hand in fire (who i was presumably too lazy to find a different way to deter) was too young to understand why it was dangerous. I also was quite busy trying to stop her sister from doing the same thing (twins). There was nowhere to remove them to - unless you count an un-childproofed kitchen or someone elses bedroom as an appropriate place...yes, i could have gone home but i very rarely got out in those days, and was being extremely selfish and wanting to have a conversation with an adult for a change.

I also have problems with mood swings which I will no doubt be told i am using as an excuse...except that no, it is caused by PCOS, and every time i hurt my los i eventually came off the bad mood and ended up crying. You might say i should have learned from my mistake, but fortunately the times i have let my anger get the best of me are few and far between, and never planned.

My mum also had PCOS although undiagnosed (she is now 70 and has Alzheimer's so try telling her she's a child abuser - she won't even remember it), and had no support (not that i do either, except dh), and she frequently went off the deep end. She told me she used to go to bed and cry every night because she felt so awful. In her young mum days it was an acceptable thing to smack first and ask questions later, so even though she did go further than this, not many people would have said it was wrong. (and yes, my older siblings do have 'issues').

I have tried my hardest not to repeat the mistakes my mum made. I am only human. I can only hope my dds don't have issues with me - i doubt they will as they are 9 and i have discussed smacking with them a few times. I amnot 'proud' to smack my kids, but it does happen and I know they forgive me. I love them and their little sister more than my own life, and i am hoping to find those first few years easier with only one toddler to cope with. So far i am alot calmer.

If i am a child abuser then i deserve my children to be taken away. If. I don't believe that i am, and thank God neither do my children.

And no, i am not expecting sympathy or acceptance - i know better than to even contemplate it!

not being funny, but I have 3 Kids and they all are different and react very differently to everything...and forinstance where my 2.son is more highly strung, my youngest son is the gentle soul....well...now...he used to be the unhappiest and screamiest of them all, but now is really placid and just lovely and gorgeous most of theitime...saying that instead of the terrible twoe's he seem to now devellope the terrble almost threes, lol..but I have been really good and reasoned and just stating my pov without even raising my voice and with im that actually works after a majot tatrum on the streets rolling around the ground etc....however, forinstance especially ds 2 was different and still is, it's just him...and yes he would have benefitted from being the youngest for at least another year if not 2, I think...because he is not nasty or anything, just finds it hard to get ther right amount attention for his needs...and he would get more if I had 2 rather then 3 Kids and he was the youngest, iykwim...