Good old fashioned smacking

[heepie]

I don't believe it did me any harm and I do wonder why the previous generation, ie mine, was so much better behavied than the current, ie my kids. I find the softly softly, ignore bad reward good behaviour does not work with a strong willed child and find myself more and more thinking what was wrong with a good old smack? Peeing on the floor right in front of you with a big smile on the face surely warrants more than the removal of a star on the reward chart? And whacking little brother over the head with a heavy object? Not eating something very nice and edible that I have slaved over in the kitchen? Why must we never tell our children to eat what is in front of them when I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I was finished? I don't have an eating disorder. I think it's time I through all the modern how to bring up children books out of the window and remember how it was done when I was a child? Anyone else feel this way?

I mean jump on the bandwagon of shouting 'abuse' at parents who smack.

I think smacking is lazy. I don't however think it makes you a bad parent, just one who can't be arsed. And if that was me I would be ashamed that my behaviour was showing my children I was a bit "whatever" about them. It basically says "I can't be bothered to think of another (and sometimes another and another and another and still yet another) way to deal with your behaviour when I find it unacceptable". Children test our limits, we all expected that before they were born. If a parent resorts to smacking, then I think they've taken their eye off the ball and got complacent. You can't just put the effort in when you've got a small baby, and when they get to toddlerhood and beyond, think "oh sod it I won't try as hard now". I'm not a militant anti smacker at all but think it's so unbelievably idle.

I was bullied at school. Adults all said the same thing "ignore it and they'll get bored!" guess what! they never did. Then I learnt to hit back. That was the one and only thing that stopped bullying in it's tracks.

I shall tell my children to do the same thing (assuming nothing is being done by the school).

I saw this thread and have to say that smacking does work but only with under 2's ! that sounds terrible and it probably is, but when I'm talking about smacking, I'm talking about a smack on the end of their fingers with the end of your fingers, and a mean face to go with it to make them cry (Boo hiss) I never slapped mine or hit them with any kind of force or malice or ever anywhere except on their hands. But I found once mine got older they just said "That didn't hurt" ........ at that point I knew I had to find another way. Withdrawing the things they like is definitely the best and (for older children)turning off the electricity so there's no computer tv or console games is def. the best ever for an instant result.

Those who favour retention of any form of smacking - even the lawful sort that leaves no mark perhaps would support a private members bill to entitle husbands to beat their wives as long as no mark was left then?

Yes of course we would .

Xenia, it's a different relationship. I wouldn't think much of a man who required his wife to sit on the bottom step of their stairs, or isolated her in a room for a short time, or even felt the need to 'correct' her by reasoning. He isn't the authority in her life.

The parent/child relationship isn't the same.

slaps self for getting drawn in

ok, is it ok then to "smack" other adults?

since its not really hitting and all?

wonder what the police would say?

For about 10 years before becoming a parent I worked as a NN with children with very challenging behaviour and of course I never smacked any of them and often thought why does anyone need to smack their children when there are clearly more affective ways of dealing with unacceptable behaviour. Then I had my own child and woke up and smelled the coffee. I have smacked my child's hand a few times and have then felt like an idiot not to mention guilty. I don't believe in smacking, I don't believe in solving problems with violence. But I was smacked as a child and like my mum I'm highly strung and a bit of an idiot some times I just crack. Then when my little one smacks my hands or face or whatever when she's really cross, what can I say? I just feel like I've failed. I think it is very hard not to repeat your parent's parenting methods. The whacks I got from my mum didn't do me any good or any harm they just allowed her to let off steam. Perhaps I should practice deep breathing!

Sorry.... the point of that rambling message was just to say that whatever your standards are as a parent, from time to time you are bound to fall short of them. But hopefully our kids will get over it.

Given that, for right or wrong, there is a culture in this country where smacking is seen by many as acceptable, what would be the consequences of smacking a child if it were made illegal? I know parents who smack, and while I disagree with them on this, they are not unfit parents. And indeed do many things better than I. So the thought of them being imprisoned, or having their children removed, is problematic for me.

So what sanctions would be appropriate?

009, all you show it that the cycles repeat. Surely it's better to say I'm going to break this cycle and make sure the next generation doesn't smack. I'm no better a parent than anyone else and nor were my parents but we never smacked either now in 2007 or back in the 1960s. Civilised people don't.

Yes, many husbands do control their wives, make them obey them and beat them. It's standard across many a country and the same argument.

I would 'smack' another adult if they were abusive to me, DH or my children. This is because I hate rudeness. I expect myself, DH and DC's to be polite but if another person wasn't and didnt apologise, Yes I would.

ucm you'd smack someone for being rude?

Of course. Because smacking people is always the politest option.

just as there is a difference between saying to a child "that's naughty" and saying "you are a very naughty little girl". I think there is a big
difference betweeen saying something [smacking] is abusive and saying parents that smack are abusers.

UCM really?

Anyway, I thought 009 mentioned something important - that her mum just had to let off steam. Apart from the chilling ones who defend smacking in cold blood as a sensible form of discipline, it sounds as if most who have smacked have done it because of their own needs - their frustration, fury, resentment or exhaustion with their child - or sudden shock and fear in a dangerous situation. Likewise heepie said she wanted to hit DS for not eating because it's "frustrating".

And yet most of us who consider ourselves civilised can refrain from lashing out in this way at anyone else who outrages or infuriates us (UCM aside of course!). It can be done, it's a question of resetting our brains NOT to think that children are any different from anyone else in their rights and dignity. It does mean breaking a cycle and I also agree that it's heartening to hear that so many have.

Oops! that smiley was meant to be a ! Sorry

UCM, you're surely taking the piss. If you "smacked" (or otherwise hit - the law doesn't draw this loony distinction people keep inventing) another adult without serious physical provocation, you're guilty of a crime. Simple as that.

Do people really not get this? Didn't their parents teach them that you can't just go around hitting people because you don't like their behaviour?

Oh. Um.........

someone has brought a good point up in this thread....ie you can't cmpare the relationship between a child and their parent/carer with that between adult to adult......i.e.....sitting the girl on the check up on the naughty step/time out step/thinking step for the number of minutes of years of age...would not be acceptable....no matter how slow or rude she was....
People that never have smacked etc..don't use those sort of techniques ever on their Kids neither then....???????????and if you do, how can you justify it?
Like I said, I don't like smacking, and I can understand the disturbance at the pre mediated thing, but I have smacked..see post below....but please, don't tell me I am abusive because it happened.....no, it's ot alright to do oit, BUT....have you not seen/experience real neglect/abuse/etc... to say just black and white any of it is abuse...yadda....

Ye3p, have seen and experienced 'real' neglect and abuse that would make your hair curl. You'd be surprised how many perfectly normal people have - which is why the "well, my children are turning out OK despite the fact that I smack them" argument is such utter shit.

Hitting children is still indefensible, cowardly and abusive, however much indignant bluster and dust you manage to kick up.

UCM, if you smacked somewone for being rude, surely you'd then expect them to hit you beck. Would you then hit them back, would there be a braw in the street.

I teach my children someone has to be the clever one and stop. I tell them this is how wars are started.

Yep, I would knock em out!

Perhaps not the ideal thread for your views to be aired then UCM