Good old fashioned smacking

[heepie]

I don't believe it did me any harm and I do wonder why the previous generation, ie mine, was so much better behavied than the current, ie my kids. I find the softly softly, ignore bad reward good behaviour does not work with a strong willed child and find myself more and more thinking what was wrong with a good old smack? Peeing on the floor right in front of you with a big smile on the face surely warrants more than the removal of a star on the reward chart? And whacking little brother over the head with a heavy object? Not eating something very nice and edible that I have slaved over in the kitchen? Why must we never tell our children to eat what is in front of them when I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I was finished? I don't have an eating disorder. I think it's time I through all the modern how to bring up children books out of the window and remember how it was done when I was a child? Anyone else feel this way?

So hitting a child isn't hitting, if it's not too hard, and on the back of the legs, or the hand?

(Oh, that was you harpsi, I wasn't sure, I'm rubbish with real-life names. Glad you found it, anyway.)

and "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you"

God, my parents used to say that. It was fucking bullshit, too.

I am so so so happy I have not hit my kids. I was sure I would, and I haven't.

Oh ok, glad Xenia covered it!

Thats right

A tap on hand! I dont do this much, believe me. My dd doesnt need it but if she did something dangerous that could harm her then i wuld slap her hand (tap) and then explain. But generally my form of disciplin is standin the corner and then say sorry. Which works pretty well.

I am actually off to work now!

You know, I used to buy the whole 'child running out into the road with one hand in the fire while sticking a fork in the outlet' argument for smacking. I really did, I thought it made sense.

Then I had kids.

A friend was over, with her DS1, who has a severe dairy allergy. We were chatting, and not really thinking, and her DS1 grabbed a piece of halloumi off a plate, and put it in his mouth.

We all shouted and were really quite upset. Obviously we got it out of his mouth, quickly. He was fine. But really really upset, because we were so upset.

Should we have hit him, too?

(Oh, and obviously it was totally my fault he got the cheese. Not his. So punishment wasn't in order anyway.)

Avoided this but just read now as bored waiting for ds to finish lunch. He doesn't eat lunch very well, but I don't do what my father did and wave a metre stick at him across the table, occasionally tapping his hands.

Guess who does have the eating issues?

Oh, and he smacked me and my sister, locked us outside in the dark and bellowed and growled at us regularly.

my kids are perhaps (and I am not even sure about this) slightly worse behaved than I was as a child but I'm pretty sure they will become more self assured confident adults who won't wind up with a dp that beats and shouts and abuses them too.

just read op -

what sane person hits their child for not eating???

Your OP is disgusting and stupid.

God love your little children.

people who beat their children shouldnt be allowed to have them.

NQC - I think the shout of genuine fear if the child were to put their hand near a socket would be enough to put them off doing it again.

Loud noises can be pretty damn scary to kids, as we all know.

Mind you, too much systematic shouting by parents can also be as bad as hitting - it messes up the brain's chemistry

Dd is only 13 months, and has occasionally done things like try to put certain objects in her mouth, an initial genuine anguished shout from me, a firm NO, it's dangerous, plus quickly taking the object away seems to do the trick...

However, it's early days yet. As I was sometimes hit myself, my greatest fear is that I will one day hit her if I lose it

Personally, I think people who beat their children need help to overcome their own difficulties and that their children need adequate protection in the meantime - preferably in their own home environment. I don't think anyone knows how they will find themselves disciplining their children until they have to do it. This is a time when personal problems and historic abuse can rear its ugly head.

These are not issues to be oversimplified imo.

I am a very good mum, and I have no 'issues' My dd is my whole world and I love her more than life itself! We are a happy family and always playing, laughing and joking.

I certainly dont tell her off when it comes to food. Or potty training accidents or anything like that.

On one occassion she tried to stick her fork in the dogs eye. I got to her just in time and Yes I slapped her hand. She never did it again. She cuddles the dog, plays with him and adores him.

Anyway, Im now dressed and ready to go, so for the 3rd time im off. Bye

dl not exactly sure what you are saying there

It just goes on and on .... yawn. Some people are using the words 'beat' and 'hit' and I think there is a difference between those and a 'smack' although we could no doubt argue into infinity about that too.

To focus on the OP a bit, here's what I remember as a child. I was brought up in a loving family. All the kids around were too (mostly). It was generally accepted that if you were really naughty you got a smack. This could be administered by your parents and even other people's parents. No-one minded, it was accepted that if another parent smacked you then you must've been naughty enough to deserve it. Now when I say this don't all go off thinking how dreadful all the parents were going around beating up other children. It was not like that at all. We could all play out, knowing that parents everywhere were looking out for us because they all knew us. When I say I got a smack for being naughty, it would have been a short slap on either my legs or my bum, usually from my mother. My father did it about twice. I do not have any issues with my folks about it.

People still do smack their children. I do not think they are in the minority but just that they are less inclined to admit it for fear of facing the lynch mob that is other smug parents.

None of the kids I grew up with as far as I know are wife or child beaters. They all grew up into happy, adventurous, decent folk.

We really are our own worst enemy.

And "tapping" is?

It's not an absolute rule that any kid who is smacked or hit becomes an abusive adult. However, ruling through fear and violence undeniably has an effect on self esteem, perception of others and how to handle conflict. Some may use this influence in a positive way and channel their energy into being the anthitheses to the violent and abusive parent, or some may emulate their own experiences.

Why take the chance if you can help it. I smack my children when life has been particularly out of control. I would never do it on occasions where I felt in control enough to feel I was choosing to smack. As it is such an unconscious reaction I tend to look to the parenting I received and wonder what the hell that taught me on an almost subliminal level.

and so it goes on - and on. "Do you want a smack?" how many times was I asked that, I wish I knew then what I know now. As Billy Connolly once said in response to the smack question - would a kick in the testicles be out of the question!

Looking for somewhere to take my children this morning I came across a brochure, the latest addition of Safeguarding Children published jointly by National Child Minding Association (NCMA) and NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children). It answers the question "what is child abuse" (page 3 if you care to get a copy).

Physical Abuse: Adults physically hurting/injuring a child by hitting, shaking, squeezing, burning, biting, giving children alcohol, inappropriate drugs or poison.
Sexual abuse: You can work that one out but also includes showing children pornographic material.
Emotional abuse: Persistent lack of love and affection, being constantly shouted at, threatened or taunted.
Neglect: Failing to meet basic needs, ie food/clothing, being left alone.

Out of context you may single out the word hit but in context you are all intelligent enough to see, I hope, that an occasional disciplinary smack is not considered harmful by these bodies set up to safeguard our children. We must all make our own parenting choices and as long as we are not harming our children NOBODY has the right to judge us. You don't believe in it, don't do it to your child.

Actually on these threads I am always hugely heartened by the number of people from all different backgrounds/parenting styles/standpoints who revile and reject the idea that hitting children is acceptable. The impression isn't of a small hardcore minority of holier-than-though uberparents - it's of a rising trend towards non-violent child-rearing. Very encouraging.

My assumption was wrong!

Yes, I think one or two of your assumptions have been shown to be wrong, heepie