Good old fashioned smacking

[heepie]

I don't believe it did me any harm and I do wonder why the previous generation, ie mine, was so much better behavied than the current, ie my kids. I find the softly softly, ignore bad reward good behaviour does not work with a strong willed child and find myself more and more thinking what was wrong with a good old smack? Peeing on the floor right in front of you with a big smile on the face surely warrants more than the removal of a star on the reward chart? And whacking little brother over the head with a heavy object? Not eating something very nice and edible that I have slaved over in the kitchen? Why must we never tell our children to eat what is in front of them when I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I was finished? I don't have an eating disorder. I think it's time I through all the modern how to bring up children books out of the window and remember how it was done when I was a child? Anyone else feel this way?

Well I don't agree. It's a bit like saying too many divorcing women make up allegations of abuse by their husband when all he did was pull her across the room so therefore we shouldn't have a law that says husbands and wives may not smack each other. It's illogical.

Children need protection as much as adults. If you think parents should be allowed to smack then presumably you';d be happy that schools be allowed to where the parent sanctioned it? A religious Christian school appealed and lost., All the parents wanted the teachers to have the same right to smack as the parents had at home but the ban on schools doing it even with 100% parental support was held lawful.

go xenia!

but feck me this is a depressing debate

WHY do you want to smack your kids? I mean, WHY?

fair enough, you lose control, you have a bad day. I can understand that. I go outside my parenting comfort zone on days like that. Thats a mistake, I think we can all understand that parents make mistakes!

but why on EARTH are you trying to justify hitting people less than half your size? Thats what really unerves me.

I have never hit my kids, and can count on my fingers the number of times i've really shouted. if i hit i would be utterly, utterly distraught. So how people can hit and be proud is beyond me.

agree, it's beyond me too. It's a shame that people will be proud of this level of parenting for their own kids. All kids deserve better.

My mum was a smacker and I can't tell you the confusion of hating someone that you love so much that hitting invokes.I am appalled that anyone considers it acceptable in any form.Do you know that when you are doing it your LO's minds are in turmoil and confusion because the person they love and trust the most is hurting them and usually for something minor.The hand in the fire /plug socket argument is a cop out and we all know it.

Heepie, you sound horrid. Glad you're not my mum.
Smacking/hitting is crap parenting by bullies. Why do they always say 'never did me any harm' when it's so patently obvious that it did?

And another thing, I've never hit my children and they are, on the whole, very well behaved. It's the poor buggers that get hit by their so called loving parents that tend to be thuggish, in my experience.

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Bloss, I'm no moral philosopher but i seem to remember from uni that it was impossible to rationalse any moral position. You can't use logic to justify why murder is wrong, you either believe it is or you don't. Saying that lots of us have a gut reaction against smacking is not a legitimate argument against our position

Message withdrawn

What if it is my position that NO child should be hit?

What if it's my position that I should be allowed to hit you?

Seriously, hitting your kids isn't a matter of taste, like whether you listen to jazz or not.

Or, hey, what if it's my position that I should be allowed to hit my kids with a belt, send them to dinner without bed, lock them in their rooms, or whatever any of the pro-hitting folks think is unacceptable? After all, that's my parenting technique, it's what works for me.

I think there is a big difference between 'hitting' and 'smacking'

Smacking is a form of disciplin which I have used about 3 times. Only a light slap in extreme naughty/dangerous behaviour but it works for our family. I used to get slapped on the back of my legs when I was a kid.

Hitting is completely different! Hitting is the same as beating and abuse!

I think peole need to recognise the difference!

Ok. Um. What is the difference?

Aren't 'hitting'/'slapping'/'smacking' all the same thing?

I agree with fillyjonk. It's the having the policy of smacking that grates.

I understand that on a bad day a parent might lose it due to tiredness and frustration and smack their child, noone is perfect, and the parent should then recognise that it was their weakness and duly apologise to the child for wronging them. And not repeat it.

But to conciously incorporate smacking as a parenting tool - morally wrong.

Mainly because it is wrong to physically abuse a child who is dependent on you for protection and everything that they are to learn in life.

Also because it simply does not work as a disciplinary tool. The child will only remember not to do something they have been smacked for doing as a result of fear, and not why. Explaining why something should not be done is a far more effective method in the long run and inspires self-confidence in the child's future decision-making.

Hitting a child does nothing but damage self-esteem. I know, I was occasionally hit, and all I can remember about being hit was my father's blind anger, and feeling wronged. I do not remember feeling as though I had learnt a lesson as a result of it. Only resentment. The only positive lessons I learnt were as a result of loving moments and calm explanation.

yes
Do you define it in terms of speed and/or, force of arm movement?
Do you define it in terms of where on the body you inflict the damage?
Do you define it in terms of when you do it or who is hit?

Oh, I should say. I was hit/smacked/slapped when I was a child. It was used quite often, but always in a controlled way - my parents never flew off the handle and just wallopped me. It never escalated into anything worse (although we were hit with things, too).

I hated it, it made me very angry, and damaged my relationship with my parents irrevocably. I have never hit my children. I hope to never hit them. (No, I'm not a perfect parent. If there is any such thing.)

totally agree norabattymeetsyoda (now there's an image ). There is a difference between occasional flashes of temper (not great but as long as its occasional) and deliberate planned policy of smacking for infractions of the rules.

God, is this still going?
Has anyone reminded the pro smackers that it's also illegal?

"smacking" is what you do when the person getting hit is at least half your size and in your parental care.
"intelligent smacking" is when you explain carefully why getting hit doesn't really hurt as long as the person getting hit can't hit back.
and then you hit them.
sorry smack them

hello NQC
thanks for restaurant info
v good meal.
and I would much rather be smacked than listen to jazz

There is a difference!

Smacking - A light slap on hand or back of legs when child is doing something dangerous that could harm them. Its a good way of a short sharp shock that will remind them not to do it again.

I was occasionally smacked and it did me good. I never repeated what ever it was i did wrong again. But I was still very much loved by my parents and I was a happy child.

Hitting - actually being beaten! Full force punches, using belts leaving bruises etc.. That is abuse. Smacking in my eyes isnt providing its a light slap.

I respect other peoples views and this is just my view. It was the way I was raised and Im actually a nice person.

Mumsnet gets out of control sometimes, everyone thinks they are right and like to argue. A lot of people like to be seen as the perfect parent so would never admit to smacking etc.

RL is a totally different board game!

Anyway Im off to work now, so feel free to throw your comments at me, I shall reply tonight!