Just got a letter home from the school nurse re: dd's weight

[fireflyfairy2]

She is 115cm & weighs 28kgs.

It says "XXXX weight has gone from 91st centile to above 98th centile. Please contact me to discuss referral to peadatric dietitian"

I know she is a big girl, but she is also tall for her age. She's well built but I didn't think she was overweight.

I am such a failure.

I am about 20lb overweight myself & dh had weight to lose.... I know dd eats very very healthily as I have already lost over 2 stone & she has been having what I have ben eating.

The sensible option is to change the whole families lifestyle to be more active & eat more healthily.. I know we can do that, but I just feel like such a failure at the minute.

Dh thinks it's ok as he had to attend a dietitian when he was young.. but I don't think it's ok. Dh was an obese child & I always blamed his parents when I saw photos of him from childhood... now look what I have done to my beautiful dd I've made her fat, just as I have always accused my MIL of doing to dh

You see, this thread is a very good example of what I think is a problem.

Mum giving her child really excellent diet with plenty of exercise then goes out of her mind with worry that she's doing it wrong - fear of making our children fat being such that she then has to consider shaving little bits and bobs out of her diet to get her onto the "right" centile. A normal relaxed attitude to food cannot follow.

Of course there are always bits and bobs we could trim but this child plainly has a healthy lifestyle and a healthy attitude to food and a loving mother.

I feel strongly about this too because as I've mentioned, my 8mo who is fed nothing but home made no sugar, no salt, organic food comprising mainly veg and fruit plus some chicken and fish and who was bf to 5 months then mixed fed is also on the 98th centile and I'm getting grief for it despite her being about 72 cm long so also high up the height centiles. She was 7lb 12 at birth despite being a month premature so go figure...

Really, I wish these HVs could just recall that people come in different shapes and sizes.

I agree to a certain extent talking about hvs and babies, but in this case it's the school nurse. Often people outside the family can take a more objective view. Yes, people do come in different shapes and sizes, but if a child is overweight surely it's a good thing to take action and reverse it in a kind and gentle way thus potentially avoiding a lifetime of being overweight/yo yo dieting/ poor self esteem/health implication linked to obesity.

The key is to deal with it sensibly. 3 scoops of mash or whatever is more than a 6 year old needs. Only a relatively small amount of extra calories a day can lead to weight gain.

ff doesn't need to feel guilty or a failure. I think it's great she's concerned and willing to take on board there might be a problem and work in a calm way as a family to make sure they're on the right track.

I don't think burying your head in the sand or getting defensive or being in denial is the way to go (not attributing all that to you margoandjerry, you understand )

Ernest, I agree with you but when such tiny amounts are making a difference (one scoop of mash in the context of a very healthy diet) I think it's time to recall that we are all different shapes and sizes.

OK if the OP can adjust her daughter's diet relatively painlessly and without making any issue of it but I really think it's more important to maintain the healthy attitude they have got.

I think in the long term the good attitude is more important. Also, let's remember, we're not talking about obesity here...

Yes, portions are the key. We can all move to healthy foods but if we're eating double what we should we'll all get fat. I'm not sure about children because with most of them their mechanism to eat what they need and stop which seems to get turned off in adults usually works well or has until the 1990s onwards and they tend to run around a lot more than adults too. With adults I think generally if you make a fist with your right hand the mea, the veg and the rice or whatever should be a fist size each and of course the veg can be even more if you want. Now compare that to how many chips you get at a restaurant and you'll see how we overfeed. Smaller plates can help and just realising what is a normal portion.

I think there is a real difference between an eight month old baby and a child. If a child is overweight, you don't have to talk to the child about it, but you should really have a look at their diet & activity level and see what you can change. I have done that with my own children.
Sweetly plump children can get miserably fat if they continue to gain weight.
I'm sure the OP will monitor her dd to ensure she doesn't continue to gain and so will keep her weight stable so she slims out as she gets taller. I got a little trampoline for ds and cut down on cheese when he got a bit tubby. He has a very sweet tooth and that does have to be watched.

It can take real willpower not to encourage a child to eat more of their meal sometimes, particularly if you suspect they might just want to go off and play and might be hungry later.

Yes, I cut down on portion sizes and tried not to push ds to eat so much when he was tubbier. Am pleased that it seems to have worked. He still gets treats.

Xenia - I agree with what you have to say about portions. And I sometimes think that "low fat" labels encourage us to think it's okay to eat lots of the food. Personally, I hate low fat alternatives and would rather eat a smaller amount of the real thing.

ooh yes, low fat 'alternatives'!!!! Don't get me started. Ok, so there's (slightly) less fat and tons of sugar, which is just as bad, if not far worse.

"Low fat" foods are counter-productive. You need a certain amount of fat in food in order to reach satiety. If you eat a "low fat" stew, for example, you'll be tempted to gorge on cheese later in order to get that satiated feeling.

Much, much better to use olive oil and butter quite liberally in cooking in the first place.

Oooh yes, Anna. Olive oil and butter. Can I come to dinner?

I think if you eat horrible food (and lots of low fat alternatives are pretty grim) you're temped to go on eating until you find something that is satisfying tastewise.

Sure. Veal escalopes in breadcrumbs tonight (fried in lots of yummy butter) with French beans (more butter) and a roquette and parmesan salad (olive oil and lemon dressing)

I'm on my way....

NKF - completely agree. Diet food is tragically dull and tasteless and encourages you to go on in hope of finding satisfaction - by which time you've probably had two diet meals and a few bars of chocolate. Much better to eat proper food in the first place - in reasonable quantities, slowly, and savouring every mouthful.

Ernest - yes!!!!!!!!!!! My bugbear is low fat but full of sugar - my parents were affronted when I protested at them giving the kids low fat yoghurt - much healthier to have full fat & no sugar!!!! (mind you, my mother horrified me when DS1 was a toddler by asking when I would be giving him chocolate 'becaue he needs to develop a sweet tooth for energy' aaaaaaaagh. So, the dieticians do have to deal with that sort of ignorance as well, they probably have to assume the worst?

I actually rarely use butter when cooking and try to do everything with olive oil. Much healthier I think.

I'm not sure olive oil is healthier, same amount of calories. So in terms of weight loss, it's not any better than butter. And it's not designed for cooking, IIRC.

The mediterranean diet is held up as healthy but that doesn't mean olive oil is a wonderfood - it's about diet, not single foods - or any less fatty than other fats.

holy shit according to that BMI chart for children my 3 year old DD is at risk of being overweight

all I can say is BLOLLOCKS

Butter is a great source of Vitamin A.

The problems arise IMO when you eat fatty sugary foods, not using quality fats like butter and olive oil for cooking meat/vegetables. The quantities are much smaller and the difference in flavour is huge. Anyway, that's my choice.

oh I ha d her height wrong ..

You don't need butter to cook. Agreed. But what's the alternative if you're making a sandwich with bread other than pitta or a baguette? I won't use margarine. It's awful stuff. Someone once told me that when it's first made in the factory,it's green and then they dye it the colour of butter. An urban myth I'm sure but it's still foul tasting.

Not read whole thread, just your OP.

I've seen pics of her, unless she has changed drastically in the last few months, she is not fat!

Probably repeating everyone, but I know you have your own weight issues (I can't picture MrFFF) - like you say, changing your whole lifestyle is the best option.

She is not broken, you have not failed her, and even if she were at the start of something, you a intelligent enough to see it and fix it.

FS I had 2 pics up but I removed them today.

I finally got through to the nurse.

She said that they had to refer her to the dietician as she had jumped a whole percentile since her 4yr check. [which was actually before she was 4] She is now 5yrs & 7 months exactly.

She said she had not got dd's notes in front of her but asked me what height dd was & when I told her she said Oh so she's tall too..

But said that she would go ahead & make the referral & that she was glad I called.

So now I just have to wait & see what comes of it.

oh ffs she didn't cross reference to HEIGHT?

I somehow missed that

I DO think childhood obesity is a growing problem and that HV/nurses can be helpful-as can dieticians. It does come down to instilling healthy eating AND EXERCISE habits, IMO, but

ffs at the nurse. I didn't see the pics but...how can they not check weight against height? Children DO grow , unpredictably!