My poor DS keeps getting bite and hit and kicked by one boy at nursery!

[Thelittlesoldiersmummy]

Yesterday i picked my DS up from Nursery - he will be 3 in June and we pay for him to go 4 days a week as both my DH and i work anyway again I have picked him up with a big full set of teeth bite mark on his arm! now if this was the first time I would put it down to "boys being boys" as the manager said but this is the third time in three weeks he also comes home covered in bruised up his legs! he now crys in the morning and says he doesnt want to go to nursery as the little boy in question is naughty! Also every evening when I pick my ds up I ask him what he did that day and he says * hit me, pushed me or * bite me! now at the beginning I put this down to a little boy telling storys but now I dont know as i am seeing the evidence!

My thing is that Boys will be boys is not good enough I am not happy with the way my DS is being treated should the nursery which is attached to a state infant school have something in place to deal with this - i have also noticed that other children are now trying to stick up for my DS which isnt right my DS has been taught that hitting and biting is very naughty and he will get into trouble he is a lot bigger than the biy who is hitting and bitting him and never has max bite the child back!

Would those advocating excusion be happy if your child was excluded for doing something he or she could not help doing? Because another mother had complained?

ok how would you suggest the child be dealt with?

If things are happening at nursery that are making your son unhappy, so that he does not want to attend, you need to talk to the nursery about it. And then again until you are happy, otherwise withdraw him. They are very unlikely to exclude another child.

Are we talking of verbally berating the other parent? Thats not a good idea.

to be quite honest, if i, or my child, was verbally berated by another parent because my kid had bitten or something (and let it be known they never have, I don't want a side discussion here).

I would actually consider taking serious action. I would certainly contact the nursery in the first instance. I would expect that verbally berating another parent IS the sort of thing YOUR kid could be excluded for.

Am so glad that ds's kindy is a small community where this sort of thing Just Doesn't Happen. No because there is no biting or hitting but because we all KNOW each other.

My son' nursery does have a policy that if a child's behaviour is persistently problematic then they would be asked to leave. Only after having gone through a process of attempting to resolve the behaviour in coordination with the parent. If at the end of this the child is still violent then I think it is acceptable for them to go so as to protect the other children. I would agree with this if it were my child.

In fact I have been approached about my son's behaviour on one occasion (he is only 1!) and was happy to accept their comments and worked with them to deal with it.

so pass the problem on?

do you only have a 1 year old scooby?

I find it extremely upsetting when tiny children are labelled and given a reputation.

i dont think the child should be asked to leave but i think there should a better policy than kids bite and boys will be boys!

Yes I do.
Presumably the point being I don't know what it is like to have a 3/4 yr old. Actually I have nieces/nephews who are older and they have experienced problems like this, hence why I have an opinion on it.
The reality is it is usually the child who is subject to the violence who leaves - this doesn't deal with the problem.

"i dont think the child should be asked to leave but i think there should a better policy than kids bite and boys will be boys!"

if thats all you're saying then i agree with you

MN threads can get a bit out of hand

yes this is really a discussion that you should have with the staff.

i just hope for your sake your children don't end up being a biter.

"MN threads can get a bit out of hand"

tbh I joined in because some of the posts seemed to be overly antagonistic towards the OP

I'll get shot for writing this but here goes: In my experience, biting problems within a nursery usually indicates that there's a problem with the nursery itself and the quality of the staffing. I would enquire into the staffing ratios and the competence of the staff looking after the children. Yes, boys will be boys, but other than telling the parents of the culprit, what has the nursery manager done about this biting problem? Not much by the sounds of things. And whatever the nursery is doing, it's not solving the problem is it? If I were you, I would start to look at other nurseries who take the issue more seriously.

You're paying for all this.

Well - this is interesting ..

dd (3 in a week) was bitten by a boy at her nursery a couple of weeks ago

I was told about it as soon as I went to pick her up and had explained to me what had happened and how they had delt with it (ie took dd to a quiet place, reassurance and explanation that it was a naughty thing to do ... ). I had to sign an 'incident' form in which all parties kept a copy (nursery, the boys parents and us) and although I wasn't told which child it was - I did guess (although dd told me who it was later anyway).

The nursery delt with this very efficiently and in a manner which I was impressed with. It was horrible to hear that a child had biten my dd - but children are children and I realise this can happen.

DD has since told me she has plays with the boy, 'as he wasn't naughty mummy, he is my friend ...' and so far no further incidents.

It is hard - but I do agree that the nursery should be keeping a closer watch on the children and be aware that biting, pushing and hitting is taking place.