My poor DS keeps getting bite and hit and kicked by one boy at nursery!

[Thelittlesoldiersmummy]

Yesterday i picked my DS up from Nursery - he will be 3 in June and we pay for him to go 4 days a week as both my DH and i work anyway again I have picked him up with a big full set of teeth bite mark on his arm! now if this was the first time I would put it down to "boys being boys" as the manager said but this is the third time in three weeks he also comes home covered in bruised up his legs! he now crys in the morning and says he doesnt want to go to nursery as the little boy in question is naughty! Also every evening when I pick my ds up I ask him what he did that day and he says * hit me, pushed me or * bite me! now at the beginning I put this down to a little boy telling storys but now I dont know as i am seeing the evidence!

My thing is that Boys will be boys is not good enough I am not happy with the way my DS is being treated should the nursery which is attached to a state infant school have something in place to deal with this - i have also noticed that other children are now trying to stick up for my DS which isnt right my DS has been taught that hitting and biting is very naughty and he will get into trouble he is a lot bigger than the biy who is hitting and bitting him and never has max bite the child back!

All I want is for my little boy to not cry when he gets up in the morning because "* is naughty" All i want is to pick Max up with out him telling me today "* hit me, pushed me or bite me" I dont think that that is much to ask it may be normal for a child to do these things but it doesnt make it ok or acceptable!

no it doesn't make it ok or acceptable, which is why at that age, and even older, they are still learning to socialise. he really will come across it alot in his early years. if that child were excluded there will always be another.

i know it's not what you want to hear

you're wrapping them up in cotton wool.

well keep them at home then. i think you're babying them

Hi, does sound like a problem the nursery should be dealing with better. Sure your son needs to learn how to deal with violent behaviour, but the other child needs to learn violence is wholly unacceptable and the nursery should be actively working to resolve it imo.

Do you know what the nursery's policy is on behaviour like this? I would hope that if it is ongoing they should have some method of dealing with it, ulitmately exluding the child if their behaviour does not improve.

I am completely with you, I would react the same way if it were my child.

Hope you get this sorted.

PMSL

"People aren't ageeing with me, everyone is telling me that 4 year olds and 3 year olds are not monsters. They are all wrong."

They need to not be labelled or expected to behave like dolls too.

"if that child were excluded there will always be another"

If we lock up one murderer there will always be another so why bother....

Violent behaviour should be dealt with no matter if there will be other violent children.

i cannot believe people are talking about exclusion at that age. i despair i really do. are these only children??

IT is down to supervision, if the nursery cannot supervise the kids with am tendency to bite securely enough to prevent them hurting yours or any child (and that's not just one child I can assure you) then it is down to you to take your child out.
Biting is not nice, not nice to have a biter nor to have a bitten child.

But don't go be unreasonable
Here take this scenario

My 11 yr old ds was aggressively pushed over in the school playground ( he was seriously bulied throughout primary school)His upper left arm bone broke clean in two. He has also had his nose broken by a punch (outside of school)

No exclusions were secured.
Teach your ds another set of coping skills, maybe being alert and staying near staff when this kid is around him. A practical solution.
Or you could teach him to thump them back
Controversial but having a kid who is happy to take a beating does you NO favours...

I don't think expecting preschools or nurseries to take suitable action when a child is being repeatedly bitten/hit is babying them.
It's not fair on this child to have to go and be attacked at preschool, yes the behaviour is normal, some kids bite. The nursery should be doing somthing about it though, it might be normal behaviour but its not fair that others have to suffer until the biter grows out of it. Extra supervision when there is a problem, an effort to work out the triggers for the biting child, removing them from situations where they may lash out etc.
It's not acceptable for the nursery to just say boys will be boys and leave it at that, they have a duty of care to all of the children, and that includes making sure they arn't hurt as best they can.
If I had a child in this situation and the nursery wern't doing anything I'd pull them out, and I certainly wouldn't see it as babying them.

Confronting unacceptable behaviour is very different to labelling.

Wouldn't every parent want their child's behaviour challenged and dealt with if they were being violent? That isn't labelling.

colditz I am glad you think that this situation is funny maybe you are better off else were instead of putting your two pennys worth here!

the thing is, thats what a nursery is LIKE. you have lots of kids and a relatively low staff ratio

I don't think its a good thing, not at all.

I think biting is normal in a 3 yo

My 3.5 yo is only at nursery for 2 days a week, it has an excellent staff-child ratio (which bloody costs us £££), and I think, for him, 2 days of the quite intense social interaction of 3-7 yos is as much as he can handle.

I utterly agree, its the nursery's responsibilty, and its worth seeing if something can be done but...

at the end of the day, I am a pragmatist, and I think you ALSO need to help your child deal with it.

and it WILL hsppen if you have lots of kids and not many adults

it WILL

this is why I generally avoid nurseries, tbh. Sorry.

er comparing three year olds to murderers!!

this is quite frankly laughable.

i'm not saying just ignore it am i!!

argh

Confronting unacceptable behavior is not what is happening.

There are a lot of labels libe "abnormal" and "Monster" being bandied around. Certain posters feel that confronting a non present parent would help

Nothing constructive has been decided.

ultimately, if there is an unacceptable level of biting in a nursery, the staff need to be more vigilent. removing the biter leaves a space open for another possible biter, and nothing will resolve.

Speak to the staff about their supervision levels. Verbally berating the parent and labelling a toddler as 'abnormal' or a preschool as a 'monster', quite apart from being unacceptable behavior in itself, will achieve nothing for the protection of your children.

I don't think the situation is remotely funny, but I do think your kneejerk response to it is, sorry.

I wasn't comparing them to murderers - I was using an analogy to show how illogical your comment was. Could have used a better one.