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Original poster

My poor DS keeps getting bite and hit and kicked by one boy at nursery!

90 replies

Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 24/05/2007 09:33

Yesterday i picked my DS up from Nursery - he will be 3 in June and we pay for him to go 4 days a week as both my DH and i work anyway again I have picked him up with a big full set of teeth bite mark on his arm! now if this was the first time I would put it down to "boys being boys" as the manager said but this is the third time in three weeks he also comes home covered in bruised up his legs! he now crys in the morning and says he doesnt want to go to nursery as the little boy in question is naughty! Also every evening when I pick my ds up I ask him what he did that day and he says * hit me, pushed me or * bite me! now at the beginning I put this down to a little boy telling storys but now I dont know as i am seeing the evidence!

My thing is that Boys will be boys is not good enough I am not happy with the way my DS is being treated should the nursery which is attached to a state infant school have something in place to deal with this - i have also noticed that other children are now trying to stick up for my DS which isnt right my DS has been taught that hitting and biting is very naughty and he will get into trouble he is a lot bigger than the biy who is hitting and bitting him and never has max bite the child back!

OP posts:
fillyjonk · 24/05/2007 10:51

You can't exclude a 3 yo fom a nursery for biting or hititng or whatever

am a bit at the very idea really

colditz · 24/05/2007 10:51

It is part an parcel of nursery. Wherever you send him, if other 3 year olds are present, he might be bitten.

we would all like for that not to be the case, but we have to deal with what we have got, not what we want, and what you have got is a nursery, with many other small children.

colditz · 24/05/2007 10:51

It will be happening to other kids, I'd put money on it, most biting children are pretty indiscriminate.

Original poster
Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 24/05/2007 10:52

fillyjonk felt that it was "utterly normal" for this to happen!

OP posts:
colditz · 24/05/2007 10:53

She's right. It is utterly normal.

fillyjonk · 24/05/2007 10:53

it is utterly normal

I stand by that

its not desirable

normal and desirable are two different things

colditz · 24/05/2007 10:53

TLSM

Normal does not mean acceptable. It means "Happens in the majority of similar scenarios.

It is normal.

southeastastra · 24/05/2007 10:54

3 year olds aren't that mature are they?

it'll happen. and it will happen to him throughout his school life.

bozza · 24/05/2007 10:54

I think you are going to have to be a bit more accepting of the situation TBH. I don't think you should move nurseries, I only suggested it as a possibility if you are not happy with the current situation. Personally I think it would be an over-reaction.

Chugnuts · 24/05/2007 10:54

I remember feeling annoyed when my ds1 was being bitten at his pre-school. It happened about 4 or 5 times altogether and it was always the same boy. About 6 months later I was mortified when the staff told me that ds1 had bitten someone. You always think that it's the kind of thing that only other people's children do but the reality is very different.

Original poster
Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 24/05/2007 10:54

I am sorry i dont think it is utterly normal the child should be managed so that this doesnt happen he need to learn that he cant go around biting people and pushing them and hitting them!

OP posts:
bozza · 24/05/2007 10:56

And yes I agree, normal. I have been sending one or other of my children to the same nursery for the last 6 years - they have both been bitten there. And often by children they claim as friends.

southeastastra · 24/05/2007 10:56

he will learn, i really don't know what you're trying to achieve. would you like him excluded. perhaps you should look elsewhere for a nursery but tbg i think you'll find it everywhere

Original poster
Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 24/05/2007 10:58

I think if he continues to bit and hit and push that yes he should be excluded I am not moring my son because someone else cant control their child!

OP posts:
colditz · 24/05/2007 10:58

Get a grip.

What you think does not seem to be matching up with reality.

Get a nanny, pull him out of socialising with other children if you can't cope with it, then you won't have to worry about perfectly NORMAL behavior.

for your information

I hate threads like these, I'm not getting sucked in again.

southeastastra · 24/05/2007 10:59

you are being unrealistic for a 3 year old. who are you accusing of not being able to control their child?? perhaps your child aggrevates him

Original poster
Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 24/05/2007 10:59

Max is a good bright boy and I am not punishing him taking him away from friends that he has made because of someone elses child how is that fair!

OP posts:
Chugnuts · 24/05/2007 11:00

If every 3yr-old who hit, bit or kicked was excluded, nurseries and pre-schools would soon be almost empty.

fillyjonk · 24/05/2007 11:00

okay

good luck to you

I really am trying to help

I have 2 kids of my own and have worked with kids. This really is what they do. I am sorry if you find that hard to accept.

Being upset and angry with the kid that did it, while understandable will not really help your own child

when my kids have been hurt, I have seen it as a learning experience and a. explained that x. probably hit becuase s/he was unhappy about something and didn't know how to deal with it and b. talked about strategies to deal with it.

Yes the teachers shoudl deal with it. But this is going to happened again and again as he gets bigger. He needs to learn verbal self defence, its crucial for boys.

colditz · 24/05/2007 11:01

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU WANT HIS MOTHER TO DO?

Seriously, what?

She's not even present! You cannot demand that every child is in fact your child with different clothes on! They don't all respond the same way, they are not all the same age, they are not all the same maturity, some children have special needs, the list is endless!

They are seriously not going to expel and NORMAL child for NORMAL child behavior.

Original poster
Thelittlesoldiersmummy · 24/05/2007 11:02

So what your saying is i should put up with it and just pick max up everyday hoping that he has not been the subject or another attack

OP posts:
colditz · 24/05/2007 11:02

No it isn't, I didn't say that or anything like it.

Chugnuts · 24/05/2007 11:03

TLSM - It might be worth having another talk to the nursery staff as you are obviously still concerned about this issue. Finding the trigger to the behaviour can often help to solve the problem.

colditz · 24/05/2007 11:04

Look, clearly you are not absorbing what people here are trying to tell you.

You do whatever you feel is best, but try not to be too surprised when the rest of the world thinks you are over reacting or being unrealistic.

Lizzylou · 24/05/2007 11:06

It is so upsetting when your child is hurt by another, I have been fuming in the past, when DS1 was bitten at preschool. However, I do know that it could just as easily have been him doing the biting.

What about trying to befriend the other little boy? Inviting him and his Mom for a playdate? I bet his Mom is mortified with the situation anyway and that may make the boys relationship easier and put your mind at ease?