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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

why can't my 22m dd talk?

105 replies

lucyellensmum · 09/05/2007 13:25

why can't my little girl talk, i see that other children her age are talking the hind legs off several donkeys. I thought i did it all right, im always talking to her, reading, singing but clearly i've fucked up. Feeling V sad just now

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Original poster

lucyellensmum · 09/05/2007 14:49

Tooticky - of course why comes into it, i need to know if DD has a problem.

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ipanemagirl · 09/05/2007 14:56

lucyellensmum, I feel for you these things are so worrying (my ds failed to thrive at this age and struggles with his reading now - it's hard to express how much these difficulties can agonise a parent isn't it?!)
But a very close friend of mine married a man who is multi lingual now and his family swear he was virtually mute until 3.5! So there are always exceptions.
Someone said to me once that we should look into their faces with pride and try not to feel too much anxiety because children see it on our faces and they are brilliant at sensing that it might be their fault in some way.
All this 'expertising' of childhood development is great in some ways but also it just puts our poor babies (and by implication us too) on this bloody great status ladder!
Also she may not need to talk because she makes herself understood and you anticipate her needs so brilliantly!
All the best and I wish you as little stress as you can feel under the circs.

CoteDAzur · 09/05/2007 15:01

lucyellensmum - If she weren't saying even a single understandable word, I would say get her ears checked. But your post seems to say she says at least "dirt" clearly, so I wouldn't worry.

DD is 20 months old and she says just a couple of words. Then again, she is learning three quite different languages at the same time, so I have resigned to the possibility of not having a conversation with her before she starts school

Enjoy her cute babbling and don't be so hard on yourself

TooTicky · 09/05/2007 19:17

What I meant was, there is often no way of telling why a child has a speech problem. It is more important to concentrate on the cfurrent problem than spend time wondering why. I assume she has had a hearing test.

beckybrastraps · 09/05/2007 19:35

I was very worried about dd until about 6 months ago. She made very little noise at all. No babble even.

She hasn't had formal speech therapy. She had her hearing tested at 18 months, and it was fine. She was seen at 2.4 by the SALT, who put her 'on hold' - although she gave me some exercises to do with her - then was seen again at 2.10. By then she was talking, but very, very indistinctly. Because she had no other communication issues, she was put on a waiting list for SALT, but I was told she was unlikely to need it, which is true as there has been a step change in her speech in the last couple of months . Coinciding with her starting pre-school - as predicted...

I would ask more questions of the SALT. I found it very reassuring to get her opinion on how dd was likely to progress.

beckybrastraps · 09/05/2007 19:39

I agree about the 'why' - but knowing more about the nature of the problem is helpful. I did know that dd understood me, but having the SALT talk in terms of problems only with expressive language rather than receptive language, and specific problems within that area, reassured me that I was reading her correctly. Others may have more confidence in their own judgement.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 09/05/2007 22:15

that is a contracdition, of course one must wonder why there is a problem, otherwise how is one to overcome it. If i was given a reason for why dd is behind with her speech then i would be able to assess what to do to help her, this may well depend on the reason she is not speaking. She has had a hearing test, both electronically at birth and at 18 months when the problem was first flagged up. My worry at that time was that she started to say words and then stopped.

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viticella · 09/05/2007 22:37

I guess I'll be one of many to say, that was me too. DS1 did not really start talking until at least 30mths, there are some reasons for the delay but I still felt completely stupid. It happened very quickly once started. At three, anyone can understand him and he's quite articulate. Battle on with the reading and talking. I can't get out of the habit now of saying, Oh look yes a bus, a big blue bus, are there people on that bus where might it be going blah blah blah the wheels on the bus go round and round blah blah...

I don't know why we can't stop comparing to other peoples DC's my DS2 did not walk until 19 months (at Easter), I was almost embarrassed to take him to toddler group and four weeks later he is practically sprinting.

Everyone will say to you, don't worry until she is at least three. This will annoy you to death and then (hopefully) her time will come anyway. Perhaps she is developing more in some other way or something else taking up her attention? Please don't be sad, MN is very good for finding that you're not alone in any situation.

I did a course at the local sure start centre on Play and Language which was quite interesting not sure whether it helped DS but it made me feel better . Reassured me I was doing the right things. Playdough is important for some reason! And yes, by the time we got the SALT appointment he was able to answer all the questions himself!

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 09/05/2007 22:38

My ds didn't talk until he was 30 months either. Now he doesn't STOP!

Don't worry, honestly.

TooTicky · 09/05/2007 22:41

I don't think the causes of speech problems are that simple.

luciemule · 09/05/2007 22:43

Lucyellensmum - my DS (now 27 months) is much the same as your DD. My DD could put sentences together at 18 months and so I was comparing him to her. Also HV said as he was only saying the start of his words, he could have a hearing prob and not be hearing the higher frequency of the end of the word. So last week he had a hearing test and the outcome was that he had the hearing of most 3 year olds! So I guess it's just wait and see. Since then, he has just started saying the 's' ion the end of yes and horse so I'm sure your DD will start sooner or later and you're right to get it checked out as if there is something wrong, you can sort it out sooner rather than leaving it.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 09/05/2007 22:46

well quite ticky, that is WHY i want to know WHY she isnt talking. The other posters are probably right, she is otherwise bright and has been assessed by peadiatritian to be about 2 months ahead in motor skills, reasoning and understanding etc, which makes me wonder if there isnt something going on here. It could be of course that she simply has nothing to say!

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TooTicky · 09/05/2007 22:46

My ds2 started saying words (well, the ends of words) and then stopped. He survived on remarkably little in the way of language for what felt like ages. He started some speech therapy when he was 3 and progress has been slow but steady since then. He is now 5 and has had support with his speech in school. He is still indistinct and phrases things oddly but he's getting there. I just wanted to make the point that even if your dd has a big problem like this, there is light at the end of the rather cliched tunnel.

TooTicky · 09/05/2007 22:47

What I mean is that there's not necessarily anything you can do about the cause.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 09/05/2007 22:51

i appreciate that ticky, and you probably get pissed off when people are saying oh yes but im sure its nothing, i do to but hopefully they right. Mothers have a sense for these things. But hey, i have a beautiful happy go lucky, affectionate little girl, i couldnt ask for more. So why do i still compare compare compare?

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 09/05/2007 22:53

My friend always used to say to me that it was obvious that ds understood everything and that he was a really bright child. He did and he is. I think he is just a child with late motor skills. He was late in rolling/crawling/walking/talking and it not sporty at all. Mind you, he is advanced in other areas.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 09/05/2007 22:53

i do take some solace in my friend who didnt speak at all until he was four, had special reading classes at school, and has just finished his phd!

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TooTicky · 09/05/2007 23:01

Is your dd your only child? That would make it harder on you. Ds2 is my 3rd so perhaps I was more laid back because of that. I did worry, though, just tried not to show it and never discussed it in front of him. Also had moments when I thought I'd suddenly become a crap mother, or because we'd moved I even wondered if dd1 and ds1 only learned to talk so well because they saw a lot of my mother when they were tiny, and my influence just wasn't good enough...see, I can DO paranoid

One thing that came up with speech therapy though was being encouraged to spend 15 minutes per day doing things with dc - child led - with no interruptions. It made me think that although I am very involved with the children, 15 minutes solid one-to-one 100% attention wasn't as common as it should be.

Londonmamma · 09/05/2007 23:04

This OP makes me really sad. I bet you have the most wonderful daughter, yet 'professionals' have put the fear of God into you. I bet you are a wonderful mum, but here you are beating yourself up.

My brother didn't say anything of import till he was three. Then he said 'boots'. My DS1, now 10 and the most eloquent, loquacious boy you could hope to meet, said only the first syllable of a select few words until he was nearly three. My mother worried about him constantly and tried to get me to do the same.

You are doing ALL the right things for your DD.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 09/05/2007 23:10

what do you mean by child led? i do spend lots of time with dd, although this tends to be at playgroup, walking out, on the beach, at swings, i try and play at home but ive no imagination whatsover. At the end of the day, i just want her to be happy. I have an older DD (16yrs) who is little minx (like her mother was) and i think i am defo over protective of dd2

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lucykate · 09/05/2007 23:17

ds is 2 in 3 weeks and this is his full reportoire of words,

cat
duck
woof woof
car
more
no
mama
dada
bye
hello

and thats about it. if she's anything like my ds, she understands alot more than she can verbalise back. i'm not worried about ds at all, i know he'll get there in the end, its not like you have to put on your cv, at what age you learnt to talk, were potty trained etc, etc.

TooTicky · 09/05/2007 23:20

Child led as in letting her choose what to play with and what to do with it. So, if she chooses a doll and, erm, feeds it then talk to her about what she's doing: Is that dolly's breakfast? She looks hungry. Does she want a drink? etc. Hand her a cup or a bib maybe. But don't suddenly change the game. Leave the changes of subject/activity up to her.

And I had to do this while being filmed!! As part of the SALT programme, I was videoed playing with ds2, desperately trying to act naturally, and then had to watch it and give myself scores for listening/appropriate speech/letting him lead the play, etc.

TooTicky · 09/05/2007 23:21

Oh, and it is important to be at the same level as the child, so if she is playing on the floor you must be on the floor too, not on a nearby chair.

mylittleimps · 09/05/2007 23:25

you say your dd is happy, so concentrate on that - you've clearly not fu**ed up! does she understand you? does she pay attention to you and follow your requests? if she does then i'd say what my mum said to me, it's far more important what they understand than what they say at this age.

she is still very young. i don't think my ds's were saying much by then. my MIL tells me my DH didn't speak until he was well over 2 then came out with sentances and there was no stopping him

I also found with my ds's that they learnt a word and then refused to use it again until they wanted to whenever that might be, parenthood lol!

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 10/05/2007 08:35

my dd doesnt have any dolls, she prefers dogs! Bunnies, teddies, cars, flowers shes not a girly girl at all. Oh, not on a nearby chair, i was hoping that ther occasional, "thats nice DD" from the computor chair when im on MN would be enough!

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