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Original poster

ds2 was swearing in the nursery playground and the other mums were looking at me in disgust

173 replies

divastrop · 27/04/2007 12:03

he is 3.9 and has always been very 'lively' and laddish,but today he was running around and 3 times shouted 'f**k it' and 'bugger'

i told him off,obviously,but the other parents in the playground were looking at me horrified,as though they expected me to do more,but i dont know what they expected me to do?

i dont know how to deal with this.dp and i have been watching what we say at home,but ds2 already knows the words now.he doesnt listen to me when i tell him off anyway.he just grins cheekily when anybody tells him off(even the headmistress of the junior school,who scares me,told him not to climb on the stairs when we were waiting for ds and dd1,and he just ignored her).

i have recently found out he has a hearing problem,i dont know to what degree exactly,but im waiting for an appointment for him at the hospital(i was told he most likely has 'glue ear').he has some problems with his speech because of this also.

i dont know how to deal with this,as my loder 2 children,however they may have behaved at home,have always behaved brilliantly at school.they work hard and have never been in trouble.

ds2 starts infant school in september,and i can forsee frequent visits to the headmistress if this carries on

OP posts:
roisin · 27/04/2007 17:55

DS2 (almost 8) swears at the moment (fuck it, bastard, gay boy): it drives me bonkers. We don't swear at all, ever; and nor does ds1 (at least not in my hearing). I know exactly who/where he picked it up, but that doesn't help.

He knows how much it annoys me, which is - of course - exactly why he does it.

We've tried various strategies and so far nothing's working.

So any magic wands and easy solutions for older children would be much appreciated.

krabbiepatty · 27/04/2007 17:57

I did actually wonder the other day why we forbid swearing, given that almsot every adult I know does it to some extent. I do actually stop the dcs swearing but am not entirely sure why it is acceptable for me and not for them. Will now try and read the thread better in case someone has answered thsi question...

LynetteScavo · 27/04/2007 18:03

You're right Colditz, socially excluding small children who sometimes behave inapropriatly, is worse than swearing. It's also worse than sulking, or throwing a small tantrum. Could you please explain this to all the mothers of the boys in DS1's class?

FioFio · 27/04/2007 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

saintmaybe · 27/04/2007 18:04

fio!

We told ds1 that swear words were really, really strong, for when you need a really strong word. If you use them at other times you'll have nothing left when you really need it. He's 10, and isn't swearing yet(in front of us ) but obv it'll come.

saintmaybe · 27/04/2007 18:05

x post! grin was for felching!

Oblomov · 27/04/2007 18:14

I have taken Fiofio's advice:

"Offer an alternative word to use when angry or upset" - I talked to ds.
He is going to say "sugar"
We'll see how we get on.

Original poster
divastrop · 27/04/2007 20:41

ds2 doesnt swear when angry or upset(he rarely gets angry or upset),i think its the attention thing,all the other children think its funny.

he got 'bugger' from that cbeebies programe,'in the night garden',he thought macca pacca(sp?) was called 'bugger bugger'

Roisin-im not sure but i think you live near me.

OP posts:
pointydog · 27/04/2007 20:54

Wnat I aim for - and what we're getting so far - is the kids never swearing at home despite hearing lots of it at school. (Unless we are having a conversation about a swear word.)

I mean, hell's bells, kids swear lots at school.

pointydog · 27/04/2007 20:56

ob, we had to get dd1 to say 'sugar' for a short time when she was very small and had picked up bugger.

It really got on my tits and blasted mil thought it hilarious which got on my tits even more.

Londonmamma · 27/04/2007 21:07

We don't swear in front of the children and they don't swear in front of us. They do, however, know lots of swear words and I've heard them swearing with friends (they're 10 and 7). I tell them I don't want to hear it and they respect that. We live in London - these words are EVERYWHERE.

If you hear your child swear and you don't want them to, be brisk and no nonsense. 'We do NOT use those words'. If they carry on, remove them from the situation. Don't worry about other mothers - they should be sympathising, not judging I.M.O.

Original poster
divastrop · 28/04/2007 00:25

i grew up in london and swearing was part of most peoples' everday language(including my grandparents).i knew form an early age though what words i was allowed to use at home and that i must never swear at school.
the one time i said 'f**k' in front of my mum(when i was 13)i got a slap round the face.

i just hope i can get this sorted with ds2 before my mum visits us next month

OP posts:
roisin · 28/04/2007 09:46

Divastrop - really, why do you think you live near me? I'm in SW Cumbria. Do CAT me if you want.

Roisin

Original poster
divastrop · 28/04/2007 10:31

there was a 'who else lives in cumbria' thread a few months ago i remember seeing your name on it.i dont have CAT on here.

OP posts:
foxcub · 28/04/2007 11:01

Diva - At the risk of sounding like a bad mother, I have to admit I occassionally swear in front of kids when I am very, very tired and stressed...

They tell me off as they go to a Catholic school and, although they know all the best swear words as a result, they also know its "bad" to use them.

I would punish them if they use swear words deliberately e.g in malice. If they use them innocently (i.e. mimicking other people, such as me) I would explain its not good to use them.

TBH I am amazed when people say they are horrified and shocked by swear words, although I suppose it depends on the words.
BTW we live is a very middle class area and hear people swearing all the time, on TV, in the street, in shops etc. Its not "nice" to hear young children use words like "bloody" and "crap" if they are using them conciously - but I think they often use them to get a reaction. Words like "cunt" seem much more offensive somehow.

roisin · 28/04/2007 11:05

Ha! I've just been searching the archives and tracked you down. I always wonder how many mners there are in our town, but rarely does anyone admit to it on here

With you, and me and MrsWho and all our children we could have a sizeable meetup

So I am very intrigued now; what school/nursery was this? I can certainly think of several here where it might not raise an eyebrow

My boys are at NB, and it probably would attract some attention there.

Original poster
divastrop · 28/04/2007 12:26

i will have to stop saying bad thigs about this town on here now

it was hindpool......

fox-i went to a catholic school and in year 6 i had a teacher who swore,she said carp and bloody all the time,and occasionally s*t and p*s,but she was so scary nobody ever dared say anything.

OP posts:
roisin · 28/04/2007 12:47

We're not from here originally, and though we like many things about the town, we are not fiercely protective of it in the way that some people are. There are some things I really dislike about the place too.

We've been here five years, and can imagine staying many more; but not for ever.

What school do your children go to?

Original poster
divastrop · 28/04/2007 13:02

they go to st.James' juniors.

i have been here 10 years and i so much prefer it to down south,i just still get facinated by the strange ways of the locals sometimes,but i think thats more to do with being brought up in a big city.

how many children do you have?

OP posts:
foxcub · 28/04/2007 14:18

Diva - I think I'm probably so scary that's why no one says anything to me when I say "crap" in the playground!

No one can swear like an Irish catholic [proud to be Irish emoticon]

Rosylily · 28/04/2007 14:38

Fox you are so rightA sentence just wouldn't sound finished over here without a little decoration
My children can swear in punjabi If dh's mother ever hears it I would get the blame somehow I bet!

madamez · 28/04/2007 15:06

I really don't give a flying fuck if my DS swears or not. Words are just words and a bit of anglo-saxon when you're angry, upset or startled is better than lashing out physically. Divastrop, sorry you were upset but I agree with the other posters that this is just a phase of attention-seeking naughtiness and will pass - and it's a lot less hassle than him deciding to pinch the baby or run away or break things.
So no, I wouldn't be worried by a 3-year-old who said "fuck". I might distract him for the benefit of a dear friend or elderly relative, but not a bunch of strangers who should perhaps learn how to mind their own cunting business in the first place.

frazzledfairy · 28/04/2007 15:19

like aloha my face would probably look horrified but tbh i wouldn't be, i agree with everyone who thinks he might be looking for attention and anyone who judges you isn't worth your time or energy

once we were at the national railway museum at york and a dad said to his lo (also about 3) "just wait and let the lady get that train first" and the little lad turned round and shouted at the top of his voice "i am you f*cker!". poor dad looked mortified.

you sound as though your doing a great job

Original poster
divastrop · 28/04/2007 15:19

where i grew up there was a huge irish catholic community and ,yes,swearing was the norm.my best mate at school was from dublin and her father could get the word f**k into any sentence he said.

OP posts:
noonar · 28/04/2007 15:21

ok, i think this is a tricky one. we are a 'nice middle class professional family' but managed succesfully to teach dd1 the f word when she was a toddler. we dont swear alot, but they dod pick up on 'naughty words', i've found, to my cost.

i actually think there is a time to ignore it. i'd ignore my 2.9 yr old, as she'd def say it more if we reacted. but my 5 yo is another story. i wouldnt hjave ignore her at nearly 4 either, tbh.

i think there's a world of difference seeing a cheeky toddler saying 'bugger', and a rough looking 4 yo giving someone the finger (which i've seen. yuk)

think you need to clamp down on this one, diva. he's old enough to be told. i also, like one other poster, find using expresions like'gracious me' helps to give them alternatives, however contrived htey may be.