ds2 was swearing in the nursery playground and the other mums were looking at me in disgust

[divastrop]

he is 3.9 and has always been very 'lively' and laddish,but today he was running around and 3 times shouted 'f**k it' and 'bugger'

i told him off,obviously,but the other parents in the playground were looking at me horrified,as though they expected me to do more,but i dont know what they expected me to do?

i dont know how to deal with this.dp and i have been watching what we say at home,but ds2 already knows the words now.he doesnt listen to me when i tell him off anyway.he just grins cheekily when anybody tells him off(even the headmistress of the junior school,who scares me,told him not to climb on the stairs when we were waiting for ds and dd1,and he just ignored her).

i have recently found out he has a hearing problem,i dont know to what degree exactly,but im waiting for an appointment for him at the hospital(i was told he most likely has 'glue ear').he has some problems with his speech because of this also.

i dont know how to deal with this,as my loder 2 children,however they may have behaved at home,have always behaved brilliantly at school.they work hard and have never been in trouble.

ds2 starts infant school in september,and i can forsee frequent visits to the headmistress if this carries on

Tbh I think they will judge you for it, sorry but I think they will. Am not saying they should, but they will.

I agree with every post WWW has made. No need to add any more really

Diva, seems I'm alone in my view but anyway, I wouldn't worry, no big deal, just ignore if he says at home and it will stop.

Really, this isn't the sort of thing that would 'horrify' me.

That's ok then SGJ

You're not WWW, I agree totally

WWW-i have the same attitude to swearing as yoy tbh,and when my older 2 were at nursery they understood about not swearing etc.

tbh,i think its what the other mums are thinking thats bothering me the most.my baby is 7 weeks old and im feeling a bit down,and im scared of people thinking i cant cope cos i cant control my sons foul mouth.

if he'd done this a few months ago i would have told him off,apologised to the other parents,and just got on with it.

oh god now it sounds like im trying to make excuses.

no doesn't dsound like you're making excuses, sounds more like to have a lot on your plate...
And your ds may well be reacting to baby's arrival in his own way.

Diva, I agree with WWW and also filthyvixen that he is reacting to the new baby. Also children always seem to play up when you are feeling low.
So definately don't whip yourself about it. You are a conscientious loving mum. And there is always some challenge with children! But you can handle it!

have never heard y kdis swear

ever

adn they neve r us

you lot asre shockers searing in front of kdis

Ah, well strikes me then that is ABSOLUTELY about attention! And your hormones are everywhere so you're getting more upset than you might have done. Don't worry.

mine don't - ds has a slight lispy speech problem with the 'sh' sound thing - once he said his shirt was a shit colour. I went ballistic (I know, but I learn from my mistakes..). He looked at me when I'd finished ranting and said> ''mum what do you think I said? I said it was a ssssick colour''.

Bet they do it when you're not around porc. bet they're positively potty mouthed

Thought I would just add a note, not about the swearing but about you Divastrop. From the sounds of things you have four children; two of those are very young. At seven weeks old I guess the baby is not allowing you a full nights sleep, you are still recovering from pregnancy and the birth and you say you feel a little low. Also, whilst it is no excuse for your son, he is having problems that have required a referral to a hospital. You have that additional worry which is horrible - every one who has had a child ill knows just how awful you feel. And yet even with all the responsibility of a large family you are here on the messageboard looking for understanding and a bit of sisterly advice because your little boy has acted out. SO get this - I think you are doing absoloutely fine. You know there is a problem and you are looking to sort it out. God knows that is the best all of us can ever ask for. None of us gets it right all the time and I for one am coping with a lot less pressure that you are right now. So be kind to youself listen to the poitive nad ignore the negative. YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB...

It's very very common. Most nice parents would just ignore it. When little children that age swear in my family I just ignore it completely so they don't realise it's something they can say which gets you really annoyed, that it's the same as if they say table or chair. As soon as they know it gets a reaction from you you've lost. My father was much younger than his older brothers. In the 1920s he remembers age 3 running round the kitchen table shouting bugger, bugger bugger or something like that.

I don't swear at all but the 8 year olds hear their older siblings who are at university, swear. They know now when it's appropriate to use which words. There is a huge difference between families with teenagers and those without. My mother always said swearing is a sign of a small vocabulary which it is - those kinds of people who use swear words as their only adjective prove it but for small chidlren just ignore it.

I wouldn't worry about a 3 year old doing it at all.

thank you kayran,and xenia,and everybody else.

i have 5 children,it didnt occur to me that ds2 might have 'issues' with the new baby,as i have a 17 month old also so i just assumed he'd be used to it

i wanted to ignore him tbh,as ive always found that any bad behaviour from him gets worst if i pay attention to it.when he was a toddler,his tantrums never lasted longer than about 20 seconds because i would just turn away from him as soon as he started.

it was just with the other mums in the playground looking at me expectantly,i had to say something,and i didnt know what that should have been,which is why i started this thread.

Diva, there are some people here who have very narrow minded and 'unhelpful' opinions. Take no notice. Whatever happened to comradeship amoungst mothers ffs?
Some children are harder to control than others fact.
I totally agree with Kayran.

Porcupine, you have a really crappy and unhelpful attitude.

If your baby is seven weeks old, then this is definitely testing/attention-seeking behaviour and it will calm down in a few weeks. I would probably look horrified if a three year old was running around at nursery shouting 'fuck' - my face would naturally arrange itself in a horrified way, but I don't blame you. My children have heard swearing so they could easily come out with it. Thank God they haven't so far (touch wood). I think playing it cool is a good idea as your ds is still in a bit of shock from the arrival of the new baby, and will lap up any one on one attention from you, even telling off. I think post new baby the older child can become very clever at finding out exactly the one thing that will totally focus your attention on them. My ds, who is dyspraxic and had never, ever run away from me in his entire three-year-old life, suddenly developed a habit of sprinting away down the road. It didn't last.

Got bitten by a dog over Easter; the fact that I was taken totally unaware and the sheer pain of it all made me involuntarily shout "fucking hell", in front of DS (4). Since then he has been saying "don't say fucking hell, mummy" and I am gutted about it as I feel responsible. Have been trying (quite pathetically) to persuade him that Mummy said "fork and spoon" but he's more savvy than that and it ain't working. Hoping that it'll all blow over as I am experiencing Bad Mother Syndrome like you wouldn't believe...