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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

ds2 was swearing in the nursery playground and the other mums were looking at me in disgust

173 replies

divastrop · 27/04/2007 12:03

he is 3.9 and has always been very 'lively' and laddish,but today he was running around and 3 times shouted 'f**k it' and 'bugger'

i told him off,obviously,but the other parents in the playground were looking at me horrified,as though they expected me to do more,but i dont know what they expected me to do?

i dont know how to deal with this.dp and i have been watching what we say at home,but ds2 already knows the words now.he doesnt listen to me when i tell him off anyway.he just grins cheekily when anybody tells him off(even the headmistress of the junior school,who scares me,told him not to climb on the stairs when we were waiting for ds and dd1,and he just ignored her).

i have recently found out he has a hearing problem,i dont know to what degree exactly,but im waiting for an appointment for him at the hospital(i was told he most likely has 'glue ear').he has some problems with his speech because of this also.

i dont know how to deal with this,as my loder 2 children,however they may have behaved at home,have always behaved brilliantly at school.they work hard and have never been in trouble.

ds2 starts infant school in september,and i can forsee frequent visits to the headmistress if this carries on

OP posts:

Enid · 27/04/2007 12:10

I would have been horrified too, sorry

at nearly 4 he is old enough to know better

dd1 went through a phase of saying 'bollocks' when she was 2 - hideous but she grew out of it thank the lord

Porcupine · 27/04/2007 12:10

oh for gods saek whata stupid post

Twinkie1 · 27/04/2007 12:15

DS is 2.5 and says Fuck It a lot - especially when he comes homes from nursery but we either just ignore him or tell him to say goodness gracious me instead. Mind you his speech isn't great so could be that he is saying something else entirely!!

I would have thought that putting your DS inhis room for five minutes when he does somethinglike this wold pretty quickly get him out of the habit of ding it - at that age they should understand that it is not appropriate to say certain words.

Porcupine · 27/04/2007 12:15

i cnat belive oyu lto think this is normal

SweetyDarling · 27/04/2007 12:20

If you tell him off and he ignores you what do you do?

WigWamBam · 27/04/2007 12:21

It's not normal. I'd have been horrified too, particularly as you didn't stop him from saying the words once he'd said them once. The other mothers don't want their children picking up such language yet, that's why they looked horrified. You expect it when they get older, but it's not normal and it's not right in a child who's not yet 4.

It's not really his fault, though - you (or people close to him) have to take the blame for letting him pick up those words in the first place - and that's why they expect you to do something about it.

He's definitely old enough to know better - and maybe he uses the words. He knows you will tell him off and get upset with him - so he gets a rise from you, gets you wound up. Teach him some other words to use instead - my sister started using "stockings" as a swearword when her dd started picking up bad language, and her dd was delighted to find some new "naughty" words to wind everyone up with.

And if you don't want him to use the words, stop using them yourself.

Original poster

divastrop · 27/04/2007 12:23

porcupine-what are you on about??

we do the 'naughty step' at home which works for him with most things.

i know he's nearly 4 but he's quite young for his age.

OP posts:

NuttyMuffins · 27/04/2007 12:24

Tbh it sounds like he knows you won't do anything about it.

Ds told Dd2 to fuck off yesterday, he has heard the awful kids next door saying it, and he has been told it is not a nice word and he must not say it. He did, so he was told off and allowed back out in the garden for the rest of the evening.

WideWebWitch · 27/04/2007 12:25

You must NOT react to it. Don't worry about other parents, there but for the grace of god etc.

My son knows lots of swear words but he also knows they have absolutely no power over me and therefore there's no point. If he wants to annoy me he calls me stupid or fat, both of which make me far madder and sadder than eff off or anything of that ilk.

So really, I would be VERY low key about it, change the subject, distract, teach him some other words, don't worry about it.

I do know how mortifying it can be though, when ds was 5 he had an enormous strop in a stately home car park (immaculate well behaved family were quietly unpacking the car next to us, of COURSE) where he lay on the floor screaming "you fking bastards" at the top of his voice. Every time we put him in the car he would just get straight out the other side, it was a mare. I suppose I was cross then (I was VERY cross actually but more at the strop/launcinh himself into my pregnant stomach stuff than the swearing)

mytwopenceworth · 27/04/2007 12:26

ok. his hearing problem has nothing to do with him using offensive language. he is probably trying to get a rise out of you. lively and laddish, while good as a description, should not be used as a justification - oh yes but he is lively and laddish - its something to guard against falling into as time goes on.

must have been toe-curlingly embarrasing for you.

it sounds like you need to rethink your discipline. if what you currently use is not working, maybe think about what consequences you could arrange (removal of a toy, etc)

if you feel like you are all out of ideas, your hv might be able to help.

good luck. xx

Twinkie1 · 27/04/2007 12:27

Lucky that you don't live in my house thae arse teenager next door plays awful rap music consisting of mostly bitch, fuck, mother fucker & bastard at full volume with the windows open when his parents are not in - its great I have to shut al of the doors and windows and put Scissor sisters on load as possible to stop DD and DS hearing it!!

filthymindedvixen · 27/04/2007 12:27

It's not 'normal' for young children to regularly hear such words let alone use them IMO.

Use words which sound rude but aren't round the house. Don't l,ose tyour temper, with him, he is testing you (and authority) by the sounds of the cheeky grin. But say calmly and formly. 'Those are not good words.''
Make a game out of it, give him some options. If he says F**, say 'Custard!' or ''Aubergine'' or whatever comes to mind which is bizarre but not foul IFSWIM.

And perhaps you need to have regular chats about respect for teachers, adults etc.

NuttyMuffins · 27/04/2007 12:27

I don't think ignoring it and not making a fuss always works though. Thats what next door do, and it definatly doesn't work with their kids.

piglit · 27/04/2007 12:27

You really need to knock this on the head now. TBH, (and no doubt someone will shoot me down in flames) I wouldn't let my dses play with a child who swore like that. He'll have a miserable time at school if he doesn't have any friends.

WideWebWitch · 27/04/2007 12:27

I think the telling him off about other stuff is another subject though. I think you need to be consistent and firm on bad behaviour. And punish immediately and then move on and forget aobut it.

Original poster

divastrop · 27/04/2007 12:28

he said f* it 3 times in a row and i told him off then he said bugger about 5 minutes later and i told him again.

i never said it was normal,i dont think anyone did,i was moritified thats why i wanted advice on how to stop him.

i dont ,however,think the other mums in the playground have a right to judge me unless of course their children are all perfect little angels and they are perfect parents.

OP posts:

BrownSuga · 27/04/2007 12:29

If the other mums keep looking at you in disgust, say, goodness me, you never spoke like that until you started at this nursery

WideWebWitch · 27/04/2007 12:30

I know I'm alone in this but I can't get worked up about swearing - my children don't do it, I do do it but not in their hearing if I can help it (sure the odd thing slips out though) but a sure fire way to make children do it MORE imo is to make a big deal of it.

Honestly if my ds thought it would get a big reaction he'd absolutely use it.

But it doesn't work so he doesn't do it. With his grandmother otoh it gets a big reaction so guess what? He does it if he is being 'orrible and trying to get a reaction from her. And it works.

It's so often all about attention imo.

SherlockLGJ · 27/04/2007 12:30

Sorry but I would be horrified if my child was exposed to bad language at school.

He doesn't hear it here, so why should he hear it at school. ?

I didn't swear much anyway, but I gave it up when I was PG.

Oh My Giddy Aunt is much used in this house, as CheeseandBiscuits run it together it has a very satisfying sound but is totally innocent.

Ladymuck · 27/04/2007 12:30

They may not be judging you as such, but they will be trying to work out how to protect their own children. And yes, they may well be horrified - where did your child learn the phrases?

WideWebWitch · 27/04/2007 12:31

If I'd have been in the playground I wouldn't have been horrified, really I wouldn't.

WigWamBam · 27/04/2007 12:31

They're not judging you.

They just don't want their children picking up those words and yelling them out in inappropriate places.

WideWebWitch · 27/04/2007 12:32

x posted with SGJ my post wasn't aimed at anyone in partic, just my view.

MaloryTowers · 27/04/2007 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SherlockLGJ · 27/04/2007 12:36

WWW I know it wasn't, that is the beauty of having been here a long time, you feel you "know" certain posters.

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