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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

forced ds to go "cold turkey" tonight... did I do the right thing?

28 replies

sauce · 23/03/2007 20:35

Deliberate attention-seeking title but I need your opinions!

Ds (3.5) has a serious dum-dum addiction (dummy, pacifier, soother, etc) & tonight I made him go to bed without. It was horrendous! Totally behaved like an addict without his fix. I'm in shock. He's asleep now. I cuddled him to sleep but I think he'll wake up in a few hours screaming for his precious dum-dum. Dh thinks I'm 'a bit hard' but his front teeth are noticibly protruding.

What's the best way to stop the dum-dum addiction? Cold turkey or little by little?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Scootergirl · 23/03/2007 20:38

Cold turkey IMO. We did it with DD and it took three nights (apprently that's standard for any habit) and then it was fine. Keep on in there x

Hassled · 23/03/2007 20:40

I've never seen the point in making a fuss about stopping it, to be honest. My rule after a certain age was that DS1 (the only one who took to dummies) could only have it if he was lying down in his bed, and he just gradually dropped it. Certainly by the time he started Reception they weren't being used. Your DS won't be having dummies when he's 6 (I'll now be proven wrong with tales of 10 year olds who still want their dummies ), and if it gives him comfort, why bother msking it an issue? I thought it was thumb-sucking that caused buck-teeth, as there's a sort of forward-push motion, IYSWIM.

duke · 23/03/2007 20:43

Cold turkey worked for me. It was harder for me not to give in than him to give up. I would stand there with him in tears pleading for his dum dum thinking is this really worth the bother?. It was about week before he stopped asking for it. DS2 came along and he would nick his dum dum for a little go, his bottom jaw would judder with pleasure! I thought I can't go through that again and chucked them all out.

Original poster

sauce · 23/03/2007 20:43

Oh. Heavy guilt sets in...

OP posts:

duke · 23/03/2007 20:44

A friend of mine snipped alittle bit off the end of the dummy each day till her DD didn't want it at all.

luckylady74 · 23/03/2007 20:47

firstly they're his baby teeth - so it's not a disaster. does he have the dummy in the day -if so that's the place to start. i limit my 2 yr old twins to upstairs which = sleep and nap they never wake up for it - i had a dummy to sleep up to about 5 and my teeth are fine - my brother didn't, but sucked his thumb and has horrid teeth! i think cold turkey is better with younger ones because they can't reason - i talk it out with 2 yr olds - can he be rationed or donate them to the dummy fairy because he's such a big boy - bribery is good - what nice toy can he have instead?!

Original poster

sauce · 23/03/2007 20:47

I used to suck my thumb so I can feel ds' pain. It was agony listening to him sob. But if I give in, it's bad parenting, isn't it? Consistency and all that.

OP posts:

RubyRioja · 23/03/2007 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled · 23/03/2007 20:50

I don't think it's bad parenting to admit that you've changed your mind - it's part of life. But you're right about consistency - either change your mind quickly, or stick to your guns (and the best of luck either way )

duke · 23/03/2007 20:52

don't give in now you've started. You've done the hardest part. My DS used to have his dum dum over anything. I tried the big boys don't have dumdums and he say I want to be a baby. He would have it over chocolate, park, anything. He's now mad for a cup of tea instead.

Original poster

sauce · 23/03/2007 20:59

Exactly. Doesn't give a toss about what big boys have & don't have. He still wears his pull-ups, although he only wees in them & when he had his 1st judo class on Thurs, I realised that he's the only one still in nappies. Argh!

OP posts:

duke · 23/03/2007 21:02

my DS was telling me which film he wanted and that his drink was too hot I thought right you can tell me that so you can tell me you want a wee. 2 days later he was dry. It was easier to potty train him than remove the dummy! Good luck

juuule · 23/03/2007 21:59

Some of mine still had a dummy at 5 to go to sleep. They got rid in their own time without any trauma.
As regards night-time nappies one of my dd still had at nappy at 5+ and one of my ds still needed his at 8+.
Others of my dc were dry at just 2y. and some didn't have a dummy at all. They are all different with different needs.
They don't need dummies now and only my almost 4yo has a nappy at night.
I can't see the point of taking something off them that gives them comfort particularly as they will give these things up in their own time anyway.

Aefondkiss · 23/03/2007 22:05

my ds only had the dummy for sleep, but we went down the cold turkey route too, it was hard, but he was 2.4 maybe? he is 2.10 now and I can't remember how long it took.

I do remember a friend being successful with the dummy being chopped off bit by bit

Original poster

sauce · 23/03/2007 22:24

Okay, final opinion needed. Am off to bed & if ds wakes up screaming in agony in an hour or 2, do I give him the damned dum-dum or stick to my guns?

OP posts:

Original poster

sauce · 23/03/2007 22:31

ahem!

OP posts:

RachelG · 23/03/2007 22:32

I'm no expert but if I were you I'd give him the dummy if he wakes in the night. Otherwise you'll both have a crap night, and you'll be exhausted tomorrow, and be dreading tomorrow night etc etc.

My friend's DS gave his up at about age 3. I think she did that thing where you say that the dummy fairy took the dummy away, and left this lovely present instead. It worked for her.

Best of luck

Original poster

sauce · 23/03/2007 22:33

Whew! And with that timely advice, I can slope off to bed. Thanks.

OP posts:

RachelG · 23/03/2007 22:33

Also, the middle of the night is not a good time for rational thought. He'll just be upset and confused I should think, if he doesn't get his dummy.

badelaide · 23/03/2007 22:36

Well i guess whichever way you decide you need to stick to it after that, iyswim.
Ds gave up his dummy voluntarily at 5.5, and prior to that he was a serious addict. I think what you have to think about with dummies is do you really, really mind it yourself...or is it what other people think that bothers you?

Lilliput · 23/03/2007 22:39

Don't do it, ride it out for a couple of days then he'll forget about it. I made my ds go cold turkey about a month ago ( he's only just 2) and I swear he sleeps better now he's given up the addiction. You'll have a rough night or two but it's worth it. The dummy was pushing his teeth out and he was waking if he lost it which probably meant he wasn't gettig into a good deep sleep. He occasionally asked where they were and I just said they had gone to a little baby that needed them and he was a big boy now and big boys don't have dummies.
Good Luck!

Lilliput · 23/03/2007 22:40

When I say don't do it, I mean don't give them back!

chipmonkey · 23/03/2007 22:50

I'm going to have to go down this route with ds3 but in our case it's the boob! Trouble is, I can't throw them out!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/03/2007 22:54

do you all think i should do the same with ds1 20m and his bottle addiction at night?
im worried about his teeth.
he wakes in the night for more when he runs out although i have got it down to a milk and water mix of 6oz water and 2oz milk.
must taste vile?

snowwonder · 23/03/2007 23:04

oh this is awful for me to, dd was crying so much today i said that wa sit with he dummy, she is 3.5, and i am sure it makes her so much more babyish and wingy, but then i decided i couldnt get rid of them and her see it as punishment for being naughty,

think i will feel better if i prepare her more for it and we leave them for dummy fairy or someone,

did it last year and she went 2 weeks without then got ill and had it back WHY!!!!

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