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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

i dont like my 2 year old anymore :(

88 replies

kittylette · 13/02/2007 09:53

im not even gonna change my name as im sick of him and i think everyone in RL is starting to see this is getting to me, so you might as well know too.

he doessnt sleep in his own bed, he gets up at 1am ish into ours ( plus the 8 month old sleeps with us) so i get NO sleep, im constantly worrying about them

but the 2yr old is driving me nutty, all he does is throw stuff, hit me, punch me, spit aty me (WTF has he got that from???) tells us he hates us,

his brother cant be on the floor as he kicks him in the side, pushes him over, punches him in the face

he throws stuff, if he sees the laptop he tries o throw it,

he wont leave plugs, electrics, plugsockets the fire alone,

hes stressing me out so much

im not enjoying this anymore

i even smacked him, just out of complete anger, so ive lost it, comletely lost it

im not happy

this isnt how i wanted it to be wheni had kids

sometimes i feel like walking out, i couldnt, but sometimes i feel damn close.

i dont know where weve gone wrong (aprt from him in our bed) weve done everything 'right' we honestly are good parents,

hes a good boy, and i love him to death, i just dont like him most of the time

ive put him in his bedroom for hitting his brother in the face, i dont want to bring him back down

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Twiglett · 13/02/2007 09:59

he needs attention

individual positive attention ..

he's probably jealous of sibling and doesn't understand this usurper in his life .. he needs to know you still love him

that doesn't mean you allow bad behaviour .. you can still time him out every single time ...

he's probably picking up on your feelings too so you have to overact love and adoration .. it will feel false to begin with

oh and chin up ... its a phase .. he's 2 and 2 year olds are notoriously difficult (so are 3 and 4 and 5 year olds btw)

danceswithnewboots · 13/02/2007 09:59

Oh kittylette. My ds is 2yrs and although I love him to bits he does drive me mad. Luckily he's not doing the hitting stuff but he so d*mn stubborn and his answer to EVERY single thing you ask him (with the exception of do you want a biscuit) is NO. He's got really fussy about his food which is infuriating and throws a tantrum if you say no to him for any reason. I could also give you a million reasons why I love him (his funky dancing, he loves to cuddle, he has a fantastically contagious laugh) but honestly when he goes for a nap at lunchtime I breathe a sigh of relief and when he wakes up I think 'oh no, here we go again'
What strategies are you using to stop his hitting etc...it's just so hard isn't it, especially with another to look after. You have my sympathies.

danceswithnewboots · 13/02/2007 10:00

Twig - one age group horror at a time please, we need to know it gets better not worse!

danceswithnewboots · 13/02/2007 10:01

I have a 3 1/2 yr old btw so I know what that brings but there is something particularly infuriating about the transformation from sweet toddler to monster who won't do ANYTHING you ask!

Original poster

kittylette · 13/02/2007 10:01

but he gets plenty of loving attention, more than the smaller one, thats what i dont get

id understand it if i ingnored him, or the little one was favoured, but if anything he is!!

we have an hour of us time everyday!

OP posts:

Original poster

kittylette · 13/02/2007 10:02

i was doing naughty chair, but he doesnt respond, hell do his 2 minutes, walk straight over to Dexxy and punch him

now i put him in his room

OP posts:

franca70 · 13/02/2007 10:03

Kittylette, you'll find that many parents have gone through stages of not liking their children very much, usually when their children are going through stages of being "difficult".
Your ds might also jealous of your little one. Is there any chance you can spend time together just the two of you, doing something special?

franca70 · 13/02/2007 10:05

sorry x posted

Original poster

kittylette · 13/02/2007 10:05

thanks for the advice,

im feeling ill today anyways so im gonna just bring the duvet down and put a disney film on

OP posts:

oliveoil · 13/02/2007 10:06

oh most days I find my two year old highly annoying

she hits and scratches and thinks it hilarious to sit on the pottty, not produce anything and then go and do a huge shit in the corner of the room and smirk at me

I form my face into a fake grin 90% of the time and that gets me through the day

the other 10% of the time she is adorable, cute, funny, hilarious and really really good fun to be around

that is toddlers for you

I ignore the bad and praise the good and if she is really winding me up and I feel a shout coming on, I put her in her cot for a few minutes so she can screech her frustration out. Then get her, have a cuddle and forget it. Repeat several times a day for a year.

Enid · 13/02/2007 10:08

Hmmm...smacking a child for smacking a child...think about it!

Mellowma · 13/02/2007 10:12

Message withdrawn

lurkylou · 13/02/2007 10:13

what does he love?? This becomes his reward.

Reinforce/praise EVERY time he does something good.

Remove him from 'bad' behaviour/situations but totally ignore him otherwise the time/attention you give him becomes a positive reinforcemnt of his bad behaviour.

You may think that shouting at him and taking him upstairs is not pleasant but he has got your attention. He doesn't care that it is attention for being naughty!

If you and your DP do this 100% of the time you will encourage what you consider good behaviour and he will EVENTUALLY realise that his ways do not get attention of any kind so he will stop wasting his time doing them.

However - be warned!! This type of behaviour gets worse before it gets better. Positive reinforcement takes a while to get used to.

Totally worth it in the end though!!!!!

JARM · 13/02/2007 10:14

another one who doesnt like her 2yr old most days, but i just ignore the bad (or if its really bad give her time out) and praise the good, it is getting better (she is 2.6yr) but the littlest thing can set her off..... mainly her little sister!

frenziednester · 13/02/2007 10:20

Hey Kitty, you are NOT alone - and well done for being brave enough to say it how it is. My DS1 was a sod at 2 and quite often I used to walk out of the house as soon as DH got home and not come back until he was in bed as I just couldn't stand it anymore. I have also smacked in anger, for the wrong reasons, and bitterly regret it, but I know I am not alone. so although you have made a mistake, try and forgive yourself, and move on, or you will not be able to start again. Just because you are behaving in a way that you don't like, doesn't mean you are a bad parent - the fact you are upset by it proves the opposite. They DO get better at 3 - you just deal with different stuff at each age group. The best thing I can recommend is reading 'toddler taming' by Christopher Green. I got hold of this when DS was 2 and a half and I wept with relief. He ws very reassuring and helped me to understand WHY ds was behaving like this, which makes it less personal. Also, I went to see HV and when talking it through she suggested I may be depressed, sent me to GP and I got ADs which have helped me to cope no end - his behaviour didn't trip my switch anymore, and as soon as I stopped reacting so much, his behaviour calmed down. Is he old enough for stickers? What worked with mine was exceeding praise and stickers for even the tiniest step in the direction to doing what I wanted - eg if I wanted him to eat his tea he got a sticker for coming to the table. It had a positive cumulative effect and just gave us a bit of space. Big hugs - it is a tough stage.

ScottishThistle · 13/02/2007 10:23

Sometimes I have time out myself to calm down, it helps honest!...15 years Nannying under 3's & I'm still sane! (she says with a vodka in hand) (JOKE)

SSShakeTheChi · 13/02/2007 10:24

You'll like him again when he's 3.

beansprout · 13/02/2007 10:27

It's really, really hard. My 2 yo wants my attention for about 3 out of every 5 mins. Even if he is playing somewhere, if he hears me move he runs up the hall screaming and looking for me. It doesn't really matter how much you do, it isn't enough, so an hour of time a day will not satisfy them. So, so hard. I really do feel for you. I also appreciate you saying just how hard it is.

lurkylou · 13/02/2007 10:31

oh SSShake don't you think that is a bit sad?

She should be able to love him now not wait until he is 3!

Follow in frienzie's footsteps kitty and PRAISE PRAISE every little good thing he does and mentally bring up the image of when you first had him in your arms and let that overwhelming love you had for him wash over you.

You still love him to bits but its got buried by all the annoying habits that have developed.

Get rid of the annoying habits and start enjoying those loving feelings again!!

SSShakeTheChi · 13/02/2007 10:31

She loves him but she may not like him much at the moment. Mine honestly changed after she turned 3. It really was a difficult phase but it did end.

Enid · 13/02/2007 10:40

may I politely suggest you spend less time on mumsnet obsessing about shagging and stripping and more time playing with your little boy while teh baby is sleeping. Just a thought.

Mellowma · 13/02/2007 10:45

Message withdrawn

slim22 · 13/02/2007 10:48

DS soon to be 3 and is soooooooooooo demanding. It's a shock because always been so good.
Loosing temper just doesn't help.
I try positive approach,so hard at times but eventually works better.
Instead of getting angry I tell him that I want to be happy not angry and practice time out. Now, i send him to his room and tell him mummy will play if he stops crying/screaming. Seems to work. Hang on there.
Hugs and kisses.

danceswithnewboots · 13/02/2007 11:34

Enid - how's the view from that high horse?

Enid · 13/02/2007 11:36

sorted

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