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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

i dont like my 2 year old anymore :(

88 replies

kittylette · 13/02/2007 09:53

im not even gonna change my name as im sick of him and i think everyone in RL is starting to see this is getting to me, so you might as well know too.

he doessnt sleep in his own bed, he gets up at 1am ish into ours ( plus the 8 month old sleeps with us) so i get NO sleep, im constantly worrying about them

but the 2yr old is driving me nutty, all he does is throw stuff, hit me, punch me, spit aty me (WTF has he got that from???) tells us he hates us,

his brother cant be on the floor as he kicks him in the side, pushes him over, punches him in the face

he throws stuff, if he sees the laptop he tries o throw it,

he wont leave plugs, electrics, plugsockets the fire alone,

hes stressing me out so much

im not enjoying this anymore

i even smacked him, just out of complete anger, so ive lost it, comletely lost it

im not happy

this isnt how i wanted it to be wheni had kids

sometimes i feel like walking out, i couldnt, but sometimes i feel damn close.

i dont know where weve gone wrong (aprt from him in our bed) weve done everything 'right' we honestly are good parents,

hes a good boy, and i love him to death, i just dont like him most of the time

ive put him in his bedroom for hitting his brother in the face, i dont want to bring him back down

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Pitchounette · 13/02/2007 15:56

Message withdrawn

frenziednester · 13/02/2007 15:57

home start is great - helped me loads. Please don't think all MNetters are horrid - from what I've seen of your posts, I think you're a grea, honest person who is going through a tought time. BTW, Enid, have just told my 3 yo to go away while I type this, so maybe I deserve a cutting comment too.... fill your boots.

cheekymonk · 13/02/2007 16:07

Yes I too think it can be very cliquey and bullying on here and always keep an eye on my frame of mind before I come on here! Saying that, MN has been brilliant in giving me good advice and making me realise when I had PND. Just try to ignore the more negative comments.
Hope you are ok kittylette. I also have a 2 year old who loves slapping me around but the precious cuddles and kisses I do get make it all worthwhile.
Take care x

poppiesinaline · 13/02/2007 17:02

oh no Kitty.. don't leave! I've finally found someone who is the same size as me !!

Twiglett · 13/02/2007 17:13

look .. if you're sinking into depression you need to speak to your doctor and get some treatment

2 year olds are notoriously difficult to deal with at times .. but its a phase

your other thread was laughable and a really bad idea if it was meant seriously

you can't expect people on the internet to know how you are feeling behind the posts

if it is affecting you then its probably the right decision to leave / take a break

Mellowma · 13/02/2007 17:16

Message withdrawn

frenziednester · 13/02/2007 18:39

Twig, I think that's a little strong - lots of us can identify with how she is feeling, and for many getting treatment for depression, let alone recognising it in the first place is a long journey, and not one necessarily assisted by less than gentle comments. I think encouraging someone to take a break from something when they are feeling low can be counter productive for them - especially if it drives them into more isolation.

strongteabag · 13/02/2007 18:54

Internet people are real

Pitchounette · 14/02/2007 08:43

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 14/02/2007 09:39

of ffs .. in what way was I not compassionate

how dare you .. am crosser at that condemnation than I should be ..

she posted that she felt that mn was doing her no good .. so she shouldn't stay around should she? "every time i come on here i just seem to feel a little bit worse, about myself, about my life "

Pitchounette · 14/02/2007 09:55

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 14/02/2007 09:56

oh really? you're so very wise and I'm so very dumb aren't I

must be great to be you

sazjaz · 14/02/2007 10:16

im 26 with 4 children age 1 4 7 8 and im still learning to deal with different situations with each child i dont pretend to know everything about bringing up children because i dont thats what this site is for to get advice from ppl who may have been there done that . i dont think ppl who have never had children and never been in a situation where u just dont know where to turn could give such bad advice about something they know nothin about

HEIFER · 14/02/2007 10:23

Have to say that I don't think Twig was out of order at all..

She cared enough to post a reply.. Gave good advise - just without the gushy sentiment....

Don't get me wrong - gushy sentiment is good, but not everyones style.

That is one of the good things about MN - you get the people who automatically come over as sympathic and lovely, then others that come over a slightly harder but still give good advise...

Sometimes a bit of both is in order....

chocolatekimmy · 14/02/2007 10:40

Twig's done nothing wrong - back off.

Kittylette - I've been through your situaution with very similar feelings recently when my third was born in July. My 2 year old was getting more attention, I didn't understand either but fortunately her behaviour wasn't quite as bad as the examples you gave (but it seemed to be to me at the time.

I have to say that in the past 6 weeks, things have really changed. hitting the two and a half mark seems to have made a big difference, probably helped by her improved talking, expression and understanding.

I've felt terribly guilty about my feelings, even asking myself if I don't like her as much as the other two but in all honesty I love her unconditionally. Its her behaviour I don't like.

I'm sorry you are depressed, please see a GP for treatment. It worked for me 6 years ago and fortunately I haven't been to that dark place again.

Please stay on here for support too, there are some bitchy comments sometimes and critisisms but everyone is entitled to their own opinion (rightly or wrongly - and to express it) and you need to be able to take it with a pinch of salt as really who gives a toss about what other people who we don't even know think? Yourself and the ones around you are the people that matter.

I am sure things will naturally progress and get easier. I would try and get some one to one time with him when baby is with someone else. Also read some books, toddler taming helped me at least to understand my two year old. I think i had too high expectations of her in a way.

Finally, you must sort out the bedtime thing. When he comes in, take him straight back with no eye contact etc and say 'bedtime, time for sleep' or something. No other conversation or cuddles or reasoning or blackmail etc. It might take a while and it will be very hard work and the last thing you want to be doing at that time but it will pay off so its a bit of short term suffering for you both whilst getting it sorted. You may feel worse and more tired for a while but in days/weeks to come you will be getting a better nights sleep.

Enid · 14/02/2007 11:54

I agree with Twig

don't think she was at all uncompassionate.

snowleopard · 14/02/2007 12:16

kitty, MN is well-known (to MNers) for being a place where, although you can get a lot of support and advice, people do tend to judge others - it's a running joke. On your other thread, you suggested something that you must have known would be seen as a bit outrageous, you invited people to comment on it and some were a bit judgemental. I think that's partly because you have come across as very strong, self-confident and ballsy and so people probably didn't stop to think that being judgemental about your idea could have hurt your feelings - they thought you could take it. Such is MN. On the other hand, if you're feeling depressed and having a nightmare time with your 2-y-o, you'll find endless genuine support - and these are real people and it is real support, which can help you a lot. It can take a while for other to get where you are coming from - as in RL I suppose.

JustJAMtarts · 14/02/2007 12:34

sorry, just found said thread and i'll be honest...I think you were treated like shit kitty and i'm sorry you had to be treated like that.

SmileysPeople · 14/02/2007 12:42

Kittylette, I did see your other post yesterday. Whilst I agree that it probably wasn't a good idea, I can see how a group laughing at you, and the idea in that way could make you feel belittled and contribute further to you feeling down.

I think twiglett actually gave you some good advice. It was no nonsense, and wasn't padded with any warmth, but still makes sense I think.

I think at times MN can feel harsh and things do get taken in the wrong way. I consider myself robust and emotionally strong, but I have found myself on the point of tears and pondering for hours after how things ended up that way ona particular thread.

I think if you're not strong at the momnet maybe avoid MN, or just go on a depression thread were the tone is (I presume) going to be one of support.

If things are really bad for you at the momment I think you do ned to make some sensible decisions for yourself to try to improve it. Maybe less, or carefully chosen MN, and concentrate on your RL support structures.

And look forward to your wedding.

I'm sure it will be wonderful. Talk to those in RL who know you and share your plans and get excited again.

You will enjoy your DS again. As has been said, we all go through the hard times like this with our DC, you need a plan and support to get through it.

Look after yourself

JustJAMtarts · 14/02/2007 14:09

what a lovely post and good advice

MusicLoveMachine · 14/02/2007 17:17

Hope the day has gone ok for you kitty, must admit you do have to grow another skin on MN sometimes. But dont let it put you off dear, there are some lovely people on here with sound advise too, which can really help you get through the day sometimes.

Wish you well love x
Some good tips on this thread

LIZS · 14/02/2007 17:34

Didn't see this yesterday or the other thread . Hope today has gone better. Forgive me if I repeat what ahs been said but have skimmed through.

Could granny give you some more regular breaks - perhaps to spend some time with ds1 doing something just for him like swimming or to the park, without you having to split your attention or constantly look out for the younger one, or she take ds2 out and you sit at home and play or talk. From his pov he suddenly has to share your attention with a fellow little person (probably becoming mobile) who doesn't respect the boundaries , toys or territory and will interfere with his games and interrupt what you can do with him, yet he doesn't get told off. Attack is one form of defence but that doesn't make him bad, just the behaviour.

tbh you sound exhausted and perhaps depressed. Sometimes it can be really hard to see the wood for the trees, without some rL objective input, and loading yourself with guilt over feeling like this won't help. Your dr or hv might be a place to start taking this through and getting practical help as suggested. Good luck.

kittywaitsfornumber6 · 14/02/2007 18:13

Kitty, I haven't read anything but your first post. Sorry you're feeling crap. I've disliked all mine when they were two. Bloody hateful age.Wish I could send them off somewhere else. Jane Austen's mother used to farm her toddlers out to families in the village and have them brought back when they were more sane and easy to handle.

Don't beat youself up, you're only human, you've done nothing wrong. Better days will come x x

zephyrcat · 14/02/2007 18:18

Kitty I have emailed you. You can get in touch anytime

I know just how you feel about your ds - mine is 2.8 and an absolute nightmare at the moment - hitting and shouting at us all. He shouts Go away, stop it, naughty, no... and lots more. We have no idea where it has come from and it has started literally overnight. Our sweet little lad has turned into a monster and I'm struggling to know how to deal with it.

I'm sure however that it is a phase and will stop as quickly as it started. You are a good Mum and you can get through this. Stay strong.

krythia · 14/02/2007 22:11

don't bother posting on this thread anymore until you have cross read: relationships, sex with husband's twin - severe doubt on there as to whether this thread is genuine or not, so don't waste your time.

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