Ds just had 2 year check and they want to see him again - advice please!

[Mummy2TandF]

I have just got back from taking ds to his 2 year check. (he is 2.3) They have said that his sentance formation and communication is above average and his abilities are also very advanced, however they feel he has concentration issues - ds has always been a very active boy and he always flits from one thing to another but I thought that was normal for a 2 year old. After today I am quite concerned, they also commented that he should be clean by now (he was nearly clean but I had dd 13 weeks ago and he has regressed slightly) - My mum has said from the day ds could crawl (6 months) that she can't handle him, to the extent that she has only looked after him 4 times in 2.3 years and that was when my dad was at home - I have alays been annoyed with her over this because she paints ds as some sort of devil child (which he really isn't) But after today they have got me worried - could his concentration issues be because he iis intelligent and therefore bored with age appropriate things? The HV suggested that they refer him to a SN nursery but I was reluctant as I really don't think he has special needs, they agreed to reasses him in 3 months time. Help what are your suggestions - please help me am a bit upset at the moment

jimjams2 - yes he did do all the tasks that they asked him to do. I think it was the jigsaw they were concerned with - he took out all the bits and then put 1 back in and got up off of his chair and walked around the room to investigate, when she tried to get him to complete the jigsaw - he walked over to her (didn't sit down) and just put the rest of the bits back and was off again to investigate the scales etc.

How awful for you.

Ds1 is 2.3 and is nowhere near even starting potty training.

I remember his 2 year check - he went all quiet and shy and my HV went on about his ability to communicate. I explained that he was very chatty and sociable but just wasn't keen on being stuck in a tiny hot room with a complete stranger who kept asking him stupid questions.

The sort of thing they would be concerned about would be if he didn't let an adult direct (that's a bit of a poxy word hopefully better explained below) a game. So for example one of the things that was noticeable about my son aged 2 was that if people were having say a pretend tea party he'd only join in in a very cursory way (one quick pretend sip after being told to then off to look at the sink- there's be very limited 2 way play) A lot of HV don't have much training in this sort of thing, but they are told I guess to see children again if they don't join in activities. I wouldn't be remotely concerned by a child of mine not wanting to complete a jigsaw in a strange room, but I might be if it was consistently every day hard work to get him to join in an acitivity of my choosing, or if he wasn't particularly interested in what I was doing. That's quite hard to assess in a room and it is good that they call children back- although worrying for you of course. They're not reliable tests though.

ds2 is nearly 2
hates jigsaws but could do one of those wooden puzzles with around 30 bits in no problem
he is only doing one word at a time and some of them, people outside of the family would nto understand
but he knows loads of colours (but calls them by the names of the wiggles)
what i am saying is, in a check up, he would probably come out quite badly on what they test but there are so many other things that he can do
sounds like your little one is similar

mummy2, I'm sure everyone has already said it but - there is no way your ds should be 'clean' by now! What??? 3 is a more usual age and even then it can be later!

If your ds did all they asked, then he showed what sounds like a good level of concentration...i;ve seen lots of kids who flit from one activity to another at this age.

Talk of referral to a SN nursery sound bizarre, tbh; has there ever been any suggestion of this before at previous checks? Because they are judging way too fast if not IMO.

I'm sorry you've had this horrible experience but I think they're being over the top and they need to explain in much more detail what they're on about! Have they put any notes in your DS' book about their thoughts today?

If not you'll probably find they've forgotten all about it in three months anyway!

Message withdrawn

oh and my ds would NO way have completed or even given much attention to a jigsaw at this age. Now at 4 and a half, he still can't really do them but he has no special needs - he just doesn't like that sort of 'detail' stuff much.

jimjams2 - that could have been an issue then, he can play for hours at home making me cups of tea - sarnies etc. But it is normally on his terms - if he wants to play. If he is not interested at that time then he will have a quick sip and be off. Is that not what all 2 year olds do? We go to a mother and toddler group on Wednesdays and Fridays and he is fine there - he joins in for the singing and he even goes round the cirlce to the children sitting on their mums laps and takes their hands to show them how to do "wind the bobbin up" for example

Based on what you've written something's very amiss here. Either you have a very misguided and rather sinister HV or there is something the hv spotted and is worried but didn't mention to you because she doesn't want to alarm you in case she's wrong. Keep us posted because IMO, there is definitely something untoward here. Wait and see how the "reassessment" goes.

Thank You everyone for your messages - I have been sitting here thinking about it and I think that I will phone the HV in a little while to ask exactly why she suggested the SN nursery. i do agree that he has a short attention span and that he needs a nursery environment a couple of afternoons a week to stimulate him more, but I don't think that this is much different to any active 2 year old boy.
I am still in contact with a couple of the mums from our post-natal group at the local clinic and ds is no different to their boys and he is even a couple of months younger than them! - I am wondering more if she was trying to help by trying to suggest a nursery that would take him at 2.3 and in nappies - not much help though IMO.

Any nursery that takes children at two will take non-potty trained children! She sounds like she's either mad or lying - tryinig to pretend she's worried about issue A when she's really bothered by issue B. Some HVs are just mad.

If it is trying to get a nursery to take him in nappies, it is illegal for a nursery or playgroup to discriminate against children in nappies - I think they can ask that a parent is available to come in to change them if need be, but they must be allowed to attend!

I have just been given the number for a local nursery on another thread that will take ds now and in nappies - I am going to ring them tomorrow and see if there is a waiting list and try to pop down to see it - then I will call the HV and ask her exactly what she meant

My dd wasn't potty trained till she was 3.5 - and it was one hell of a struggle even then.

You know your child best.

Have spoken to HV - she said that she was trying to help me by suggesting a nursery that would accept ds at 2.3 and still in nappies, she also said that bright children as also discribed as special need but that it is not as well known - I explained that I did not want him to go to that nursery and that I am perfectly capable of choosing a suitable nursery for ds. I will still go back in 3 months just to see Thank you for your help