Baby will only sleep in my arms - advice desperately needed

[lubella]

I am a first - time Mum in need of help, my 3 week old has gone from sleeping quite comfortably in her crib / moses basket to not settling between feeds unless she is being held close - then she drifts into the most wonderful sleep I put her down and she wakes again and starts to cry. ??!!! She is going through a hungry phase - could this have anything to do with it? Also I have had to sleep with her in bed with me as she won't settle in the night for the same reason..would appreciate everyone's thoughts

shushing and patting can take ages 30 mins sometimes....screaming with boredom at end.

Mine were both like this. I slept with them up to 6 weeks, and next to them (in a carry cot) for another 6 weeks. In the end they would sleep on their own.

They are now 10 and 6 and both sleep well!

is she on formula for hungrier babies? I have been both breast and bottle feeding dd2 and I give her the formula at night, which has (if I have given it to her at the right time) had some success. Maybe you could give her ordinary formula in daytime and formula for hungrier babies in evening. this may give you more of an unbroken sleep at night and leave you more able to cope in the day

do you feel guilty because she is sleeping in your bed? because you shouldn't. you need sleep just as much as her. Like Glassofwine says, trust your instincts. Please don't feel guilty about any of the choices you make

and i think you can get that bear from blooming marvellous that Fizzbuzz mentioned

Thank you everyone - I feel like shit as last night after 6 hours up straight I told her to shut up when she was in distress, mhow horrible is that? I feel worse about that than having her in bed with me - if that meant she slept well and was conforted i would feel a bit better but nothing is working. Sorry i sound so negative - will try and persevere with the shushing and wil look into that womb noise bear x

I remember feeling your despair too but honestly it'll only be for a few more weeks max. Sleep deprivation is awful. I tried the shh/pat thing and alas it never worked for me and ended up driving me nuts. She just learnt to sleep on her own. I would try swaddling again as well. If she's a flailer then that will wake her up. i swadled dd for 3 months and it definitely helped her sleep.

lubela, I remember saying "shut up you little turd" to dd which was broadcast across the monitor .

You are only human, and sleepless babies are very hard hard work...but it will pass. Can't dh or someone help you out?

I have said "shut up" to my dd as well when she was crying and crying despite me doing everything , it does get on your nerves, especially when tired!
Looked at this thread as dd is 5 months and during the day only sleeps when bf/in my arms...

Have you tried a sling? Works wonders and gives you a little independence back as you can at least walk around without having both arms taken up!
At 3 weeks she is still very very little and likes being close to mummy, so enjoy and don't don't don't worry about it! I second the book "no cry sleep solution", when she is a bit older it suggests ways of helping them to learn how to settle themselves with a "no tears" approach. Worked wonders for us, and ds is a very very huggy baby.
In the meantime smile and nod vacantly at anyone who asks you "is she sleeping through?" (errr no of course she isn't she's 3 weeks old!! but elderly aunts often forget that, and anyway things were differently done in previousgenerations) and to anyone who tells you you are spoiling her IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!!!
Do think about trying a sling though if you fancy the idea it might really help. In the meantime congratulations on your lovely new daughter and well done for being such a caring thoughtful mummy! xx

Thanks so much Kit Bit your advice means a lot x

Lubella, I'm so sorry you are still having such a rough time. If you want to CAT me, please do, I really feel for you, I felt like you with my 1st. I keep DD2 (6 weeks) in a sling for most of the morning and it seems to calm her for the rest of the day. Also, crazy though it sounds, try putting a hairdryer on, doing lots of vaccuming . White noise (as it's called) seems to have an amazing calming effect on them. Not so great at night but IMO if they can have a good rest during the day they have a better night. I've had 2 babies with gastric reflux & one with colic so I know what it's like. It's harder with the first because you don't think it will end but it really does. Have you read The Baby Bliss book - I found it quite interesting if a bit waffly? (((((( HUGS ))))))

meant also to say, if sleeping with her in your bed is working for all of you then enjoy that too, and don't look on it as "a quick fix that I have to stop" unless you really want to of course! So that you feel happy and confident sleeping with her next to you, take a look at some websites that give some guidance on safe cosleeping, (googling "safe cosleeping" brings up some good ones) then you can make sure you are doing everything safely and it won't feel like you're doing something you "shouldn't"! It will also give you ammunition with which to answer the "spoiling her" crowd!
We also got a music box to play for ds when he started being happier about taking naps in his moses basket or his cot, really worked for him and I still use it when he can't settle sometimes
x

sounds harsh but put her to bed and just leave her she will only cry for a while then go off to sleep this will last a couple of nights then she will do it on her own tried and tested and it works if you dont then you will be getting her to sleep in your arms forever

whatever you decide to do, you won't go wrong if you follow your instincts as you will know instinctively which approach will suit your daughter's personality

Hi Lubella

I had this problem with my dd at about 3 weeks too. I thought she hated swaddling for a while but I was trying it when she was already distressed. If I rocked her until she was calm and drowsy and then swaddled her she slept like a dream in her basket. I also use a ring sling during the day, it still puts dd who is now 5 mnths to sleep within minutes. we call it the magical sling of sleep It has been suggested to me that I was too active while I was pregnant so dd is very calmed by the rocking motion of walking. don't know thats true or not though. Hope things settle down for you soon, I'm sure it won't take long....

should also mention that dd now falls asleep with minimum help from me in her own bed and naps 3 times a day for at least an hour a time. I use the sling as I am visually impaired and can't always see enough to safely use a pushchair out and about, and I ideally want dd awake in the sling

At about a month old and with swaddling she used to nap for 2h 3x a day. before that it was 10 minutes here 20 mins there in my arms or on her dads chest.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and tips - castles thanks so much for your virtual hugs x I did read baby bliss and found it really useful althought the swaddling thing is so out with my LO I can't really follow his 5 s thing %&^@**!!
What really helped lat night was the patting thing - wow she really seems to respond to this - also I think the more I get upset the more she does so last night I summoned every ounce of patience I have left and at least she didn't howl although again she was really restless and I had 2 hours sleep - 2 hours more than last night I suppose.

Also - I think she was cold as I put a wooly cardi on her and she slept yest afternoon for 3 hours, I was so paranoid about overheating I don't think her babygrow and vest was enough even after 2 blankets to sleep, I don't know if anyone has any thoughts on this..

here's hoping for some sleep tonight - for us all x

With regards to the overheating thing, it's easy to keep an eye on them during daytime naps because obviously you are not asleep yourself and can keep checking, so wrap her up warmly and every 10 mins or so slide a (not cold!!) finger just down her neck behind her ear. If it's hot and sweaty she's probably got too many layers on but if it's nice and toasty withut being wet or moist she's probably about right. If it feels just tepid she might need another light layer on, so try it and check her again a few mins later. You probably already know this but although hands and feet being cold or warm can be a secondary indicator of how hot or cold they are, don't go on these alone as it's the body temp you really need to help them regulate. Side of the neck is the best place and it's also easy to reach without disturbing them too much!
You will also know how many layers they like from how well they sleep, and also I used to find that dshated being put down into a cold moses basket or cot, so I used to put a warm hot water bottle there for a few mins then take it away a few secs before I put him down. If he was already asleep he would then probably not wake up but if I didn't do it the cold bed used to make him fling his eyes open in protest!

Hi Lubella - you sound like you are experiencing similar to me (a second timer) I had forgotten how hard this period is - but trust me, it only last a few weeks till babies tummy is big enough to taken enough food to keep them more satisfied and sleeping longer.

Have you tried a baby gym to entertain you LO during the day. My DS is 4 weeks today and love his chimes on the baby gym. It has loads of stuff hanging fairly low to his face so he can focus more on it and he happily spends up to 30 minutes at a time just lying the wiggling arms and legs around and making the chimes sound. The theory is that it stimulates them enough to keep them awake and them help them sleep.....or something . But as I said my DS seems to be really content on his, when nothing else will do, not even cuddles!

Also at night I cuddle him with a blanket around his back and shoulders then as I put him in the moses basket leave it under him and just gently fold the ends over him (under his arms), meaning he's not placed on cold sheets - as already mentioned. This is then held in place with a thing blanket tucked all round.

My DS is also a guzzler and wakes for food every 2.5 hours, unless we use hungry baby milk, then it's ever 3 hours!! Have tried a dummy and he only takes it after a feed - spitting it out and screaming before hand.

what ever you do, go with your instincts an dont worry about bad habits at this stage, it a content, confident little baby that means the most.

You sound like you are making some progress then.

Re blankets, I thought 18 degrees =1 sheet and 3 blankets (correct me if am wrong anyone)If you are worried about overheating try and stick to natural fibres which cause less overheating as are more absorbant and breathable.

Lubella, I'm glad you had a better night. Hang in there and those sleep spells will get longer. You are right about staying calm (hard though isn't it?) - they definitely pick up on your anxiety. I'm much calmer 3rd time round and in spite of DD2's reflux she's much calmer too.
I find swaddling a nightmare too as I seem to have wrigglers - have you tried a sleeping bag?
Re overheating. My DD sleeps in a vest, sleepsuit, cardy & a sleeping bag. If it's cold I tuck a blanket over her too. We don't have the heating on at night and only for a couple hours in the morning/evening.
This week I've had DD in the sling for 3 hours each morning and it's had an amazing knock-on effect later in the day. Worth a try if you are up to it?
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. xxx