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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help dummy nightmare

37 replies

sidey · 29/12/2006 20:35

My ds is 2 and 9 months. Xmas eve we gave the dummies to Santa, with no probs. He doesn't ask for his dummies, but he won't go to sleep without it. His afternoon kip has also gone out the window since dummies have gone. I have tried to give him teddy bears, but in the end I lose my temper and start shouting at him. I am very close to giving them back to him but then he has won

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Original poster

sidey · 29/12/2006 20:50

please help me

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notsogummyanymohohoho · 29/12/2006 20:52

would if i could but my lo is 15 months and still has it for sleeps. Dreading trying to banish it tbh!

Original poster

sidey · 29/12/2006 21:04

help

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DizzyBinterWonderland · 29/12/2006 21:06

so he isn't crying for his dummy but he won't go to sleep without it?

what happens if you just leave him? does he strat crying or does he just play about not sleeping?

are you shouting at him to sleep? what happens when he doesn't have this nap?

3Ddonut · 29/12/2006 21:09

why are you getting rid of it? He's only 9 months old, I was opposed to dummies but both my older ones had theirs until about 18 months and my dd has her's now (6 months) he won't understand that he has to do without, therefore, you can't rationalise with him. I only got rid of ours because the kids used to fall asleep in the car without them and I'd put them to bed dummy-less, they'd then wake up in the night asking for it, I'd just say 'you don't need it' and they'd go back to sleep!

Try not to think of it as a battle! Good luck!

DizzyBinterWonderland · 29/12/2006 21:10

i think the op meant 2years and 9 months.

Original poster

sidey · 29/12/2006 21:11

He isn't crying for his dummy but won't sleep. He just gets out of bed all the time and plays. At the moment shouting I have tried but does not work. He normaly has a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. I put him up today but he kept coming back down and then at 3.30p.m fell asleep on my lap. I know they grow out of naps but i still think he needs one as come 3 o clock he is tired. I don't know how to get him to go to sleep though

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Original poster

sidey · 29/12/2006 21:12

Yeah donut he is 2years and 9 months old

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DizzyBinterWonderland · 29/12/2006 21:13

have you tried just taking him back into his room? or culd you move his nap to a bit later? what happens at nightime bedtime?

Lazylou · 29/12/2006 21:15

Will watch this thread with interest as my DD is 2.11 now and we have mentioned the dibby fairies coming to take her dibbies away and she seems really up for it, but I'm dreading actually doing it and will be interested to see how you get on.

Good luck!

Original poster

sidey · 29/12/2006 21:16

I have tried taking him back to his room but you go out and he gets out of bed and plays on his bedroom floor. Tonight it has taken me an hour to get him to go to sleep in the end I raised my voice at him, which I don't think is the way.
In afternoon he won't go to bed at all now since no dummy, but he is obviously tired. Shall I just give his dummy back?

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DizzyBinterWonderland · 29/12/2006 21:25

no don't give the dummy back. i think you have to be consistent with these things. it's not like he's actually upset not to have it. when he falls asleep on your lap could you take him into his bed then?

Original poster

sidey · 29/12/2006 21:31

The problem is that he thinks its ok to go to bed, get out of bed and play. So what do I do. If I left him he would be there all night. Instead I have been having a battle all week to get him to sleep and its wearing me down. When he had the dummy he would go straight to sleep

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Lazylou · 29/12/2006 21:35

Baby gate and removing the lightbulb? We had this problem when DD went into a bed. She discovered that she could generally come and go as she pleased, so we decided to put a gate on her door (we are on one level and the kitchen is an extension of the living room - chemical cupboard was a big worry!). She was ok then, she couldn't come out of her room, but she would climb out of bed and pull her toys onto the floor and quite happily sit there for hours.

DH decided enough was enough one night and took the light bulb out so she couldn't see to play.

Might sound harsh, but it worked for us!

DizzyBinterWonderland · 29/12/2006 21:36

so it isn't really a dummy problem. i think you just have to do the taking him back into his room thing without saying anything. don't get shouty with him or even interact with him. you could do a reward chart thing too maybe? that worked for my nephew. star each day he didn't come out of his room and went to sleep then a reward at end of week if he got all stars. something like that maybe?

3Ddonut · 29/12/2006 21:38

Sorry Sidey, I need my eyes testing! (really!!!) Don't give the dummy back, have you tried, 'but you're a big boy now' track?! Stick with it, be consistent and he'll get the idea, I feel for you, it's hard, especially when you're tired too. Good luck!!!

Original poster

sidey · 29/12/2006 21:41

He sits in the dark anyway playing with his toys so the light bulb thing wouldn't work. He never actually comes downstairs but you can hear him playing in his room. The only reason why he went off to sleep tonight because dh went and shouted at him. Its hard when he used to go to sleep with no probs when he had the dummy

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gregb · 30/12/2006 11:58

Dont give it back whatever you do - he wil have won and you will have bigger problems when you try and take it away again.

It does get better. We gave dummies to father christmas this year and the first few nights were tough especially when she woke up during the night. But, we just tell her she is a big girl now and she has all these presents from father christmas because she gave him her dummies.

Whatever you do dont give them back. That will be a step backwards. Stick with it, it wil only get easier!

magaddict · 30/12/2006 12:15

Last night was our third dummy free night and ds (aged 2) went to sleep without mentioning it for the first time. He has had a dummy at bedtime since birth and I was really anxious about taking it away from him. His daytime nap has also gone awol, but I have put this down to the general disruption to his routine due to the Christmas festivities as much as anything else. I have been fussing over him more at bed time because I used to give him the dummy and he would turn over and fall asleep, the last few nights there has been more head stroking, an extra story etc to get him to drop off but I would say don't give in whatever you do - he will definately see this as a battle won and I think it will be ten times harder next time round.

Original poster

sidey · 30/12/2006 20:09

Update
Tonight I tried the sticker/reward thing but he wasn't interested - still got out of bed playing. In the end I have cleared his room full of his toys so he can't play.
At the moment he seems to still be in bed, but now what do I do? I can't keep emptying his room of toys every night??

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magaddict · 31/12/2006 11:58

How long did he end up playing for last night? As I said, my ds is taking longer to get to sleep without it too, but I think that it will settle down eventually and he will be back to normal - I am hoping within the next few days as I am going to be back at work at the end of next week! If your son plays for a while before he falls asleep he might be a bit tired for a couple of days but do you think he will then go back to his usual routine? Does story telling help at all? Hope he wasn't up for hours....

DizzyBinterWonderland · 31/12/2006 18:07

a reward thing isn't going to work in just one night though. you have to be consistent with these things.

hippmummy · 31/12/2006 18:49

My 3.5yo DS has recently given up the dummy and has taken about a month to adjust to falling asleep without it, but still has nights where he cries out that he needs someone 'to look after him' and gets very tearful - oh the dramatics!

Giving the dummy back is not an option because it's not fair on him, and you just prolong the inevitable.

But remember that this is really hard for him - you've taken away something that he had a great attachment to and it must be really difficult to find a whole new way of falling asleep - I know how frustrating it is because bedtimes used to be so easy, but don't be too hard on him.

How long does he stay awake for playing if you leave him? does he eventually fall asleep?
Maybe if you said he could have one toy to keep in bed he would just play with it til he drifted off on his own.
Good luck - it will get better

sarahSILVERbells · 02/01/2007 17:25

I have told my ds that when it is his 4th birthday in March, his dummies are going to be exchanged for presents with the presents fairy and he has said OK!! He only really has it at night for going to sleep and then its spat out when he is asleep. It's just a comforter thing and I can't see any harm in it. My niece is 14 and didn't have a dummy - she used to suck her thumb and still does now!!!

Original poster

sidey · 03/01/2007 21:16

I feel terrible, but I gave it him back, but only to sleep with, which he is fine about.
Probably causing probs for myself the next time I take it off him, but you don't see 20 year olds with dummies do you?

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