Help dummy nightmare

[sidey]

My ds is 2 and 9 months. Xmas eve we gave the dummies to Santa, with no probs. He doesn't ask for his dummies, but he won't go to sleep without it. His afternoon kip has also gone out the window since dummies have gone. I have tried to give him teddy bears, but in the end I lose my temper and start shouting at him. I am very close to giving them back to him but then he has won

I think I would give the daytime sleep a miss now, even though he is tired. Try to keep him going and let him cry for a short time in the evening. He should hopefully fall asleep on his own. Giving him the dummy back is a bad move. He is in control now and he knows it.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I stared this with dd & want to tell you my experience.

I have just done this with dd, aged 3.3. 2 days before you, actually! Exactly the same, given to santa. Santa left her a toy, so each time she mentioned it we would mention the toy & she would be happy (er)

Her naps have gone too, but I insist she has at least 30 mins quiet timne in her room, reading or playing quietly. Losing the nap has helped us tho, as it means that she is more tired at night & therefore likely to fall asleep quicker.

At night time I just went with it. Kept going in to reassure her, reading stories, chatting, lying with her, singing quitely. Anything to distract.

Wed/Thurs/Fri night were a nighmare! Friday I was sitting by her bed crying from it all & wanting, so bad to give her her dummy back. Then Saturday it just happened! Asleep in 20 minutes! That is how it has been since. I have to say that on saturday I decided I couldn't keep going into her as she would just replace the dummy with me. So I left her to whine a bit.

I know it is very hard & stressful. But he has to train himself to go to sleep without it & you can only help him.

Losing your temper will not help, as I am sure you know...I lost mine too...mainly at dh as he did bugger all to help & just said give her her dummy back....

Sidey, I ma sorry you felt you had to give in, I feel you haven't done yourself any favours tho, IMO. But yes, very true, you don't see 20 yr old with dummies.

But now you have given in once, the next time he will battle it out with you much harder & longer. He has won this time & knows how to win again.

The whole getting out of bed thing...yes I would have cleared the room of all toys & left them out! then he had nothing to play with. I would have said he could sit & read for 5/10/15 mins & then lights out & that would mean no more out of bed etc. You don't need to yell, just a firm 'bed' & put him back in. You may well have to repeat several times.

Ingore the no naps..it will sort itself out in the end. Dd hasn't napped sinced Weds & yes she gets so grumpy, but I can't force her.

I made the choice to take her comfort away & I now need to help her adjust to that. I praise her heeps & tell her clever & big she is.

What happens if you just leave him playing in his room? So long as he doesn't come out, sooner or later he'll probably put himself back to bed, or fall asleep on the floor. Then you just pick him up and put him to bed. I can't see a problem with that. Sidey, you were posting your messages at 7.15 ish, I don't think that's really late for a 2.9 year old to be going to sleep is it? Specially if he had a nap at 3.30?

We have been doing the no dummy thing at night now for 4 nights. DD is slightly younger than the other DCs mentioned but we decided that on the approach to her 3rd birthday, we would see how it goes. She only had the dummy for sleep for the last 6 months or when she was upset, but not really during the day and we were finding that she would fall asleep easily with it, but by the morning it would've been spat out.

We asked DD to choose a soft toy to go to bed with instead, so if she got sad, she could have cuddles with it and it would be better than having the dummy, as the dummy fairies had taken them to give to Santa for all the babies (now that she is a big girl ).

My mum babysat on Tues and gave it to her, despite being told she was no longer to have it. So in front of my mum, I went in and took it out of DD's mouth, hiding it in the cupboard. She didn't stir all night . Hope it gets better for you, but I agree that giving the dummy back could cause you big problems trying to wean the LO one off it.

The only time I didn't mind getting up to DD in the night was when she was being bottle fed as a baby so if she cries in the night for her dummy, I try to imagine I am getting up to feed her and that tends to make me feel less stressed about the whole thing. Good luck and keep going, you'll be fine!

Our ds age 2 yr 8 months has just given his dummy to Santa in exchange for Roley from Bob Builder. So far, so good! Cos it's school hols we're doing loads of activites with older brothers. Little one is missing his afternoon nap so is so tired by bedtime he goes straight to sleep wihout even asking for his dummy (lucky really cos we binned it so we wouldn't crumble in a moment of weakness!) Would really recommend a safety gate on bedroom door. Keeps them safe if they decide to play rather than sleep and if you feel you're going to lose your temper you can put him in his room, close the gate and have time to calm down...

I know I did wrong in giving it him back, but he is so much happier now. He goes to sleep straight away and in the morning puts his dummy on the shelf until his afternoon nap. It is so difficult as he has always been a good sleeper until I took dummy off him.
Hopefully we will try again soon to take it off him
I feel really terrible for giving it him back

i know what you mean my ds was a really bad sleeper and i was dreading taking his dummy away, so we started by just doing the same as you during the day and to only have it for bedtime (he never had a nap once he was 18 months, not for the want of trying!)
and every time i found a dummy somewhere i would throw it away so we only had one and then we couldn't find it at bedtime he helped me look for it saw it was gone and hasn't had it since, it was scarily easy!

Which would you rather have - a screaming child who won't sleep cos he hasn't got the dummy he loves or a content fast asleep child sucking on a dummy?! Let me think about that for an eighth of a second!!! He obviously still needs his dummy and it's not like he has it all day. I wouldn't worry about it at all and just enjoy those long afternoon naps cos they won't last forever!

I think that they give up these comfort objects when they are ready to - my son had a dummy and a cloth at bed time and when he was about 4 he hav eup the dummy voluntarily but he still has the cloth. My daughter never had a dummy but had a teddy that she still sleeps with every night at 11! I really don't think it does any harm - why not just let him have it if it's only at bed time? I could understand if he wanted it during the day but a peaceful bed time is such a joy that I can't see the point of taking it away. And really don't beat yourself up - you haven't done anything wrong, you've just given your ds something that makes him happy.

Thank you for your support. It is such a silly thing but for a 2 year old it is a massive thing and I have to put myself in his shoes. As I said he is so much happier at bed time since I gave it him back
I have worried about this all week, about whether giving in to him had made my life difficult in the future

You haven't, honestly. When did you last see a 10 year old with a dummy? When he's ready, he'll either drop it by himself, or will do it willingly when you suggest it. Relax and have a nice time with him - he's only little still!