Is this naughty, quirky or asd?

[wanderingwondering]

Another morning, another battle with dd.
Pants too itchy, socks too loose, trousers uncomfy.
She is 6.5 and has always been tricky but these dressing issues are becoming more and more demanding.
It's mainly the waistband of her pants but even if I eliminate this (have ordered some without the edging) there will be something else.
She has been curled up in a ball sobbing about socks before and will pull clothes off and cry if they don't feel comfy (to her)
It makes getting ready for school, or if we have to be somewhere very hard and although I try my best to be patient I invariably end up getting cross.
Part of me thinks it is some sort of control thing as I can't imagine she gets like this as school when getting changed for PE etc. but she does it even if getting dressed to go somewhere she wants to go.

We always buy pants from the "boys'" section so they don't have the edging on, just nice wide, flat elastic. DD is 7.

Have you asked how she gets on with dressing at school?

We have a printed out timetable at home for what needs to be done and by what time, in the morning. Then I also use the timer on my phone to set alarms. Maybe this could help?

That's a real sensory issue. Unless she's being awkward. M&S do some seamless girls knickers and you can buy socks or turn them inside out. My dd is nearly six and has asd and some days stuff isn't right and we have to change it. Other days she's find but it could be unrelated to the dressing and she just can't explain it.

I haven't asked but assume they would have told me by now if she gets into the same state at school! But will check.
Boys pants are a good plan-I let her have some of ds's yesterday but then she started complaining about socks instead.

That's my dilemma really-I'm 70 percent sure she is being awkward but I know it's a sensory thing and other things have rung the asd bell before but she is fairly NT in most areas.

I think, and it is just my opinion, that it would be worth a chat with school to see what they have noticed about her getting dressed for PE.
It will help you to confirm your thoughts that she is being awkward (my DD often takes socks off and puts them on again because I have done it "wrong" let's not go there - she is totally capable of doing it herself and is NT. )

Thanks-parents evening this week so will check.
My hunch is that even if we get the socks and pants sorted there will be something else but it's worth eliminating these as hot points.

She sounds very sensory sensitive.

How is she with smells, tastes etc?

Dies she get any kind of contact rash or itch where the seams are?

Original-nothing visible. She says it itches. She occasionally gets dry skin so we are liberal with the cream in those areas if necessary
Spot on-she's fine with smells. Fussy with food but not beyond the realms of normal I don't think. Prefers 'separate' foods-we have had similar meltdowns over shepherds pie etc before although she does like it when she starts eating it.
Also fine with noises.

It's very hard to tell as it could easily be either. I'd look to see if it's consistent in all situations eg. Does the clothing also trouble her on days when there is no time pressure to get dressed and do anything eg. School holidays?

It might sound obvious but have you changed your washing powder/liquids? Tried a sensitive kind? Is she ever red in those areas she complains about?

As for complaining about something different, maybe she is moving on to the next complaint after having the first one sorted rather than just finding something else to complain about.

Just suggestions. You've probably been there already by now.

That's made me smile thinking that she has a queue of problems waiting to be solved-probably quite close to the truth!

We have sensitive laundry powder anyway.

I think I have to accept for now that she genuinely finds them uncomfortable in the same way as I can't bear to wear wool jumpers or scarves and I suppose that being tired or emotional about something else just makes it worse.
It's easy to be reflective once the trauma is over but she seems to know exactly which of my buttons to press during the battle.

Some elastic and lace irritates my skin. I can't even guess if the underwear has that elastic or lace in it when shopping. It's like underwear roulette!

I've been trying to think about whether it's an issue when there's no time constraints.
Quite often if she gets herself dressed at weekends she will avoid putting pants on alrogether-this was the cause of a big 'fight' yesterday as I spotted her insisted she wore pants (not unreasonable?!)

I wonder if part of the reason is that we very rarely have a day with no time constraints. We do seem to rush around quite a lot...

What you have just said about rushing around a lot makes me think maybe you might find something on the "Hand In Hand Parenting" website. They have a whole thing about slowing down to avoid tantrums and conflict.

I will see if I can find it for you.

Sorry, I can't see it on their website. It was something to do with giving them time to get over the upset.
Someone else may recognise this and shed more light.

If she is choosing not to wear pants, maybe she does find them uncomfortable. Hopefully the non-frilly ones will help.

A quick google comes up with SPD. I always wondered what that stood for. www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/touch-sensitivity.html

Oh wait I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply she had SPD, just that there are tips about how to deal with the sensitivity issues, and maybe it's worth a look at anyway?

I've had a look at the spd checklist and she doesn't many of the criteria. I'm coming to the conclusion that this an individual quirk that we should be able to work with.
Having said that, pants went on without a fuss this morning but she started getting upset about socks. I told her I would go and find some others as long as she got the rest of her uniform on while I was looking and by the time I got back she was dressed and seemed to have forgotten about the socks. Phew!!

Oh good, improvement then :)

Oh I am so throughly fucked off with this.
Seamless pants are apparently too small (they're not)
I have given her a slow start this morning and she's had 2 hours to get dressed.
Now having a tantrum over the same fucking pants she's worn without too much issue for the last 3 days.
I've said we can't do anything until she's dressed but We need to take the dog out we were going to have cake after that. I've said kids can go to museum this afternoon. Why should she get to dictate the running of the whole house?
Dh is away and ds is bored and starting to play up while we wait for this ridiculousness to finish.

She's dressed. With no pants on. I can't be bothered to argue any more.

I'm sorry to keep ranting but otherwise I'm going to explode.
She's now having a strop over wearing her wellies and wants to wear her ugg type boots instead. Basically she doesn't want to take the dog out. Tough luck. I've told her she can wear whatever boots she wants but she can clean the uggs when they get muddy.
But then if they are ruined that's a waste?
I'm failing here.

You're not failing. All this sounds extremely familiar!

I'm not really sure what to suggest, apart from one book I read which helped a lot with communication with DD1 (now 7) was "How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk". It has a whole section on strops and tantrums and how to get them to do what they actually need to do, whilst they think it is their own idea!
That could be something that might help?

Yesterday, DD2 had a huge strop about how my friend's red car was the wrong colour because she wanted it to be silver. I feel your pain!

Same DD also held up the entire family and said friend as we were all waiting for her to go for a wee so we could go out (to a fun, child-centred activity). Apparently I needed to be standing right there in front of her while she had her wee, or she couldn't do it. Talk about holding everyone to ransom!!