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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Partner's daughter keeps touching my chest

34 replies

girllee · 07/02/2016 21:46

Hi my partner has a seven year old daughter who's pleasant most of the time but she keeps touching my breasts. She grabs them, squeezes them, pokes them and squashes them. She has an open relationship with her mother who lets her do this. Her mother is aware that I don't like this and has told her daughter not to but her mother is not aware she does this as she does it in our home. She's an inquisitive child and I have asked her politely many times to not touch my breasts but she doesn't listen. Her father sees this and laughs it off even though he knows I don't like it. Each time she does it I feel as if my breasts are not my own and this makes me feel upset. I would appreciate any advice. Thanks

OP posts:

KestrelThestral · 07/02/2016 21:48

Hold her hands and stop her?

RudeElf · 07/02/2016 21:50

Your need to firm up your tone, use your hands to remove hers and your partner needs to step the fuck up. Would he be happy if she was touching his genitals?

Original poster

girllee · 07/02/2016 21:51

Hi she gets very aggressive and started talking in my face and shoved my breasts a few times when I told her to stop.

OP posts:

RudeElf · 07/02/2016 21:51

Woah! What did her dad do then? That is not on!

thenightsky · 07/02/2016 21:53

At 7 I'd think she was old enough to understand that our bodies are our own and others do not have a right to touch them.

Original poster

girllee · 07/02/2016 21:53

I am 40 years old and I lowered myself to a 7 year old. I basically grabbed his chest and started to do what she does to me and he didn't like it but I felt it was the only way he would understand. She is very much a daddy's girl and he doesn't do bad cop. I feel so frustrated.

OP posts:

mamas12 · 07/02/2016 21:53

Oh dear re your partner how would he like it if she started grabbing his penis all the time he needs to stop laughing and encouraging this and teaching his daughter to stop it
The poor thing needs to be taught how inappropriate this is, what if she does it to random strangers

Jesabel · 07/02/2016 21:54

Does she have additional needs?

Original poster

girllee · 07/02/2016 21:56

RudeElf he ignored that I was getting distressed and said he didn't know what's wrong with me to his daughter like its a joke. I was absolutely shaking with rage that I wanted to throw something.

OP posts:

Original poster

girllee · 07/02/2016 21:57

She only does it to her mother, her nanny(my partners mother) and me.

OP posts:

Original poster

girllee · 07/02/2016 21:58

Additional needs? Not that I'm aware of.

OP posts:

Soooosie · 07/02/2016 22:00

I would confiscate her phone/iPad/best teddy or what ever. It's inappropriate to touch unrelated women's breasts. DH should be backing you up

Soooosie · 07/02/2016 22:01

Ore warn her before she does it. And talk to her mother. Tell her you don't like it and have asked her to stop but she continues and your DH doesn't care

ijustwannadance · 07/02/2016 22:09

I have know idea why her mother or grandmother would even find this acceptable. It is odd behaviour for a 7yo with no additional needs. She clearly knows it isn't normal as she doesn't do it to every female she sees. Her father needs to tell her to stop it.

Jesabel · 07/02/2016 22:11

It's just this: "she gets very aggressive and started talking in my face and shoved my breasts a few times when I told her to stop."
It's such an abnormal reaction from a 7yo at being told to stop something I would assume something else is going on.

rumbleinthrjungle · 07/02/2016 22:13

If she gets aggressive when asked to stop, how about simply getting up, moving away and looking busy with something so you're removing all attention as soon as she reaches towards them. Zero tolerance, and the earlier you react the better, if you can move as soon as you clock her starting to reach it's more effective than if you move once she has a handful. Break eye contact, don't react, don't say anything to her, just walk purposefully away as if you hadn't noticed and just remembered you need to turn the oven off, and get straight out of her reach. Make coffee. Clear up. Go to the loo etc. What you need her to see is that doing this immediately loses her your attention, and this sounds very attention driven to me. Confrontation and getting a reaction (or the control of seeing you put up with it) may be some of what she's after.

If you're going into a situation where it's going to be hard to move away then position yourself tactically, ie sitting across from her rather than next to her so she can't do it, or if you're standing with her then try folding your arms, turning your back and making yourself busy with your phone or a shop window.

RudeElf · 07/02/2016 22:14

Your partner is neglecting his responsibility on this one. No point going to her mother just because her dad cant be arsed dealing with it. You cant pass the buck like that! Its his job to discipline her at his house. Otherwise you'll end up running to her mum every time and completely destroy any authority her dad has. As a mum, if my EXp's wife came to me over this because exp wouldnt sort it out i'd tell the two of them to catch a fucking grip and do their own disciplining!

WelshMoth · 07/02/2016 22:21

"Whoa" is my reaction too. This isn't on - on any level.

I extended BF'ing my DD until she was 3 and a half. She says now (7) that she has clear memories of the comfort it brought her. When we cuddle, she buries her head into me chest and snuggles in. There is no way on earth she'd grab at my breasts and man-handle them, despite having (in her mind) quite a closeness to them. She wouldn't do it
to me and certainly not to anyone else close.

Her Dad isn't stepping up to the plate here and laughing it off like she's
'Cute' is giving terrible signals to her.

Since he's not willing to draw the line here, I'd be warning him that should she try it again, then you will discipline her as you see fit (removal of fav toy, switching off TV, no sweets for example). Make it absolutely clear that it ISNT acceptable, cute or funny or anything. Aggression from her should be treated in the same way.

He sounds really lame as a parent - a total drip who's indulging the inappropriate behaviour of a spooky child.

WelshMoth · 07/02/2016 22:21

Argh bloody auto correct.

SPOILT child, not 'Spooky'.

rumbleinthrjungle · 07/02/2016 22:23

Meant to add, might also be useful to you to think about when and where it happens and if there are any patterns.

RudeElf · 07/02/2016 22:24

How long have you been together Op? I would be keeping an eye on his handling of disciplinary issues. It can make or break a relationship. Best to know early on what he is like and whether you're up for that.

WelshMoth · 07/02/2016 22:24

I agree. This is such inappropriate behaviour - it has me thinking that there must be something else
Going on here.

timelytess · 07/02/2016 22:29

We've had a lot of weird threads about seven year olds in the last few weeks.

Welcome to MN, OP.

ijustwannadance · 07/02/2016 22:29

Does her mother have a new partner? It is weird that she focuses on breasts of the women closest to her. Is she doing it to hurt you or is it more playful?

BIWI · 07/02/2016 22:30

Welcome to Mumsnet OP.

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