Partner's daughter keeps touching my chest

[girllee]

Hi my partner has a seven year old daughter who's pleasant most of the time but she keeps touching my breasts. She grabs them, squeezes them, pokes them and squashes them. She has an open relationship with her mother who lets her do this. Her mother is aware that I don't like this and has told her daughter not to but her mother is not aware she does this as she does it in our home. She's an inquisitive child and I have asked her politely many times to not touch my breasts but she doesn't listen. Her father sees this and laughs it off even though he knows I don't like it. Each time she does it I feel as if my breasts are not my own and this makes me feel upset. I would appreciate any advice. Thanks

She likes to push boundaries and see how far she can go. I would think she's doing it to see how far she can push her father which is pretty far as we've learnt. She may be doing it for his attention but I do involve her in everything we do when she stays with us and ask her if she wants daddy time.

Her mum has a new partner about 5/6 months

Thanks for the advice and welcomes. I'm not a mum myself but I have raised my youngest brother a long time ago and my niece not so long.

Try to bond with her on your own level OP, on your own terms. Have her making cakes or something really hands on with you - just you two. Make her see that hurting you / disobeying you had direct consequences. I.e. She no longer has these treat times with you,

I agree there might be a root cause, or maybe it is her way of feeling close to the females she loves?

Either way, I think it would be best to remove yourself from a position she can do this to you and say something like 'I don't like that and I don't want you to do that to me anymore'

Make it clear that she has made you uncomfortable and you won't allow it, but allow her to still enjoy a close bond with you

If it is her way of feeling close to you, remain calm but firm, do not raise your voice - try to find another way she can enjoy spending time with you such as a cuddle on your lap reading a book or making jewellery etc, but with her facing away from you. and if she does it again, move to the other side of the table, but keep her attention and the bond going, so she doesn't see her efforts to bond as a punishment.

It may just be a case of weaning her off that behaviour by introducing her to a hobby you can share together...

maybe she is trying to get you to move away from her father. But as mn says , you have a dp problem here. As he is not dealing with this issue re your body autonomy and his dd's stepping aggressively over this boundary, i foresee worse problems coming up in my crystal ball. You need to resolve this with him or--??

Sounds to me like she is testing how much you love her or how much of a mum you are to her.

Incidentally, was she breastfed? Until what age? Is there any mention of you being 'new mom'?

She is seven. Daddy and Mammy are not just 'hers' anymore.

An intruder is there (you). And she knows you are an intruder, because you don't love her like her Mum does (boob test).

I would have a serious chat with all of you together, where, Mammy is present, and Daddy is present, and you are present. But it's made clear to the little girl that she has only one Mammy, and you're never going to live up to that role, but you can be her step-mum and step in when she is with Daddy. Mammy needs to approve of all this of course.

Adult meeting prior to addressing this with the child

A DP problem? Intrusion on the OP?

Intrusion in a child's life where she does not know who is who and which end of her is up!

No intrusion on the OP.