Re micromanaging tidying, eating etc. Are you not removing their autonomy and chance to learn from their own mistakes here? I mean if they want to eat the meat first and the vegetables last, so what? Actually that's quite smart anyway, because what they need is the protein and vegetables are more of an extra. It's better for them to eat all of the protein and less of the veg. Whereas if they have to eat it "worst first" it's more of a struggle to eat the nice parts, overriding hunger signals etc.
Do you have to eat with them or can you potter while they eat so you're not watching? What happens if they don't eat? Let them get hungry before the next meal. They need to be able to make that connection themselves, that eating at mealtimes has to last until the next mealtime. Overriding it by insisting they eat is not helping them to learn that.
Tidying - again, give them the space to find out what works by leaving them to it somewhat, or doing something different in the same room. Maybe their way is more efficient, actually? It doesn't matter, is the point. If they want to use a truck as a transporter that's brilliant, because it keeps it fun meaning they are more likely to follow through and finish. In all likelihood, the "game" gets boring and they end up dumping the stuff in manually because it's quicker - great. But they won't learn that from being told, they only learn it through experience and trial and error.
Acceptable micromanaging for tidying would be to write them a list of tasks or categories or whatever. As DS gets older I get him to write his own list and check it with me (or not, if he doesn't want to).
Your example of "X has the truck and Y wants it. What can we do?" - you need to let them give more than one response. So they say "Kick him" or "Ask for it now" you can say, hmm, OK, but we don't kick in our family. (or) hmm, OK, but X doesn't want to give it now. He's still playing with it. (or) What do you think, X? Does that solution work for you? - follow up with - So what else? - basically if the solution is unworkable, briefly explain the reason why and ask for another until you arrive at one which is acceptable to everyone including you. (By that I just mean, if they agreed that kicking was a good solution, you should step in and say no, I don't agree with that, kicking is not allowed. If they just come up with an impractical or overly complicated solution, let it go. They have to try and fail at things to find out whether they work or not.)