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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Had the most horrid day yesterday, walked out of mother and toddler group in tears.

32 replies

waterfalls · 06/10/2006 21:38

I take dts (2.10) to a M & T every week with no problems, but yesterday within 20 minutes I saw dt1 push another girl lightly, and as I was walking over to tell her off, I saw the mother of the other walking over too from the opposite direction, dt1 was sat in a toy car, and the mother mother swung the car round with force pointed at my dt and shouted DONT PUSH!!! I calmly but firmly said to this god awful woman that she leave me to disipline my own child, that it was not her place, I then opologised for the pushing.

Well it turned out she had the last laugh, when a while later dt1 hit a small boy in the face with a toy iron, she is never normally aggressive, I did'nt see it happen but another mother told me it was the twin wearing red, so I go to her and srart telling her off, when this mother shouts across the room, oh no sorry it was the other one, buy this time the whole place had stood to a standstill, I went straight over to the mother of the boy to opoligise to find the poor lad had a huge black lump on the side of his head, I felt awful and was close to tears, and as I am opologising someone shouts that dt1 is now attacking another child, I felt so humiliated, opologised, grabbed dts and fled, I still feel shitty now

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Posey · 06/10/2006 21:41

Oh poor you. Sounds a crappy experience

Sophiev73 · 06/10/2006 21:43

Poor you, what a nightmare. My ds1 has a problem with one friend's dd who he usually loves but occasionally wallops and I have no idea why, it's just embarrassing. BUT 'mother mother' (liked that!!) had no right to make you feel shitty, v insensitive IMO... Don't worry, you'll feel better in the morning, but don't feel put off going back just because of a dodgy day - these kind of groups are really important - to our dc as well as us!! Have a drink.

sibdoms · 06/10/2006 21:43

just bumping for you waterfalls.....sounds like a bad day at the M and T group, but nothing untoward...... I don't know you or your dts from the site......do YOU feel they are aggressive?

Original poster

waterfalls · 06/10/2006 21:46

No she is'nt normally aggrexxive, have no idea what got into her, I wont stop going, I plan to take a small toy in next week for the little boy and a card to opologise to the mother.

OP posts:

Original poster

waterfalls · 06/10/2006 21:47

aggressive even.

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ills · 06/10/2006 21:49

Oh waterfalls it happens. My dd nearly four went through a phase of hitting and pushing when she was 2, ds has just finished his current patch of aggression. They have both been on the receiving end as well. As long as the other Mother said something to their child I was happy. The first mother shouldn't have interfered.
Go again next week.

CalifornifamousFANGjo · 06/10/2006 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maggiesmama · 06/10/2006 21:52

good god. sounds like a rotten time, but dont take anything. kids do this. often. and anyone who says otherwise is bonkers. seems liek you should be mad with the mother(s) who didnt behave very well. cant be doing with all this oneupmanship. stay strong girl.

Sunnysideup · 06/10/2006 21:52

god these groups can be HELL sometimes! I say DON'T GO!!!!!!!

It's not obligatory, we don't sign a contract on the dy the kids are born!

They will not suffer if you don't go!

Unless you have some really good friends and like to go for some time with them, then just don't bother....your kids have each other to play with and learn the social niceties from, and if you have one or two friends with kids who you visit and/or who visit you then you are covering your children's needs from the social point of view....

I found these groups like the first circle of hell, bin 'em I say

foundintranslation · 06/10/2006 21:54

Twice last week, on leaving the playground, ds had THE most enormous tantrum (biting, kicking against me, pulling my hair...) in front of the same two women with their well-behaved children. I was utterly mortified. But reckoned that they probably know what it's like. You apologised, the boy won't have any lasting damage, and next week I'm sure it'll be forgotten. (If not, then you might consider whether you want to look for a less judgemental M&T group).

Original poster

waterfalls · 06/10/2006 21:55

In fact I opologised to the boys mum because the first 2 times she blanked me

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Original poster

waterfalls · 06/10/2006 21:56

3 times............should have been after the word mum.

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Sophiev73 · 06/10/2006 21:57

She sounds like an eejit. Don't you dare go grovelling with a present!!

Original poster

waterfalls · 06/10/2006 21:57

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ills · 06/10/2006 21:58

I agree no pressie, come to our toddler group instead

Sophiev73 · 06/10/2006 22:00

Oh yes, or ours - we all have fights every week and no probs. Especially at snack time.

Lilliput · 06/10/2006 22:00

don't kid yourself that the children of these mothers have not had aggressive episodes or have never had a full on screaming biting tantrum because they will have. Go next week, hold your head up high (bribe dc to be good) and please don't take a gift to appease these mothers because it will make them feel more superior.

ills · 06/10/2006 22:01

Yes we have fight, great biscuits for the Mums and are very cliquey (wink)

Original poster

waterfalls · 06/10/2006 22:02

OK no gift, thanks for the advice

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maggiesmama · 06/10/2006 22:02

ignore, ignore, these competative mothers are bonkers.

lilymolly · 06/10/2006 22:14

Ah shit happens, why are some fecking women like this? I knocked over very gently a little girl about 2 today as a music class. I was bum shuffling back with dd on my knee and gently pushed this girl onto her bum, I immediatly apologised, she was not hurt but went to her mum for cuddle, and the mum just glared at me all she had to say was "its ok no harm done dd is ok"
surely this is all part of the territory with kids, especially toddlers?? my dd is only 9 months old, have I got all this to come too???????

lilymolly · 06/10/2006 22:16

To make you feel better....
dd puked on someones car seat last week and I was mortified! tears and everything, in fact I posted about it on here...., the mum (who had twins) was great, but I took her a box of chocs as a token, but agree with everyone else, take this lady nothing.

scampadoodle · 06/10/2006 22:26

When I was pg with DS2 (& feeling like sh*t), I took Ds1 (then about 2yo) to the local 2 o'clock club. He had a habit of being a bit, ahem, over-enthusiastic with other children, but all he did at this time was build a tower of soft-play cubes which then fell over near a baby of about 9 months. The mother turned to me & in a really quiet stern voice said 'Your child just hit my baby with those bricks' (or words to that effect). Her child wasn't even crying or anything, completely not bothered, but she was really insistent. I did apologise, & promptly burst into tears (pg, you see!) I still remember that to this day & DS2 is nearly 2.5 now! Silly cow. (The other mother).
Moral: If that's the worst thing that's ever ever going to happen to that woman's child, then she's very lucky!

sleepysooz · 06/10/2006 22:34

Waterfalls - I congratulate you in the first place for actually getting to M&T - I have twins nearly 3 and I don't get anywhere, it wears you down when you don't get out, so good on you for getting back on ya horse and wanting to go back next week! keep on going, hold your head up high!

I would react by taking a little something for little boy next week aswell, but so many mummies on this thread think differently, I suppose thats the point of mn, to get different points of views and understanding.

Its not easy is it when you have children opposite ends of the room to keep your eye on.

Have you a particular friend at M&T that you can at least sit with next time you go. Sit at one end of room so you can view down the room to see twins. I know I have been once (yes only once) I couldn't manage, I was sat in the middle of the room going dizzy trying to keep an eye out for them.

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide to do, but don't beat yourself up about it, like everyone says, it happens all the time!

all4girlz · 06/10/2006 22:40

just a bad day I feel
agree do not take a prezzie shit happens could be your twins on the recieving end nxt time and the other mother upset
Please do not let this stop you going to mums and tots these groups are my highight some weeks (get to eat choccy bics wihout dh frowning at the number!!)iyswim

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