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Original poster

3 Year olds and lies 8-(

26 replies

StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:23

my dd told me a big fib today, which could have been very damaging, now after sticking to her story since this afternoon, she has said it didnt actually happen.
am devastated and have lots of explaining to do to teachers / parents in morning..am devastated and all she can say now is she doesnt know why she did it.
i dont know how to handle this situation

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FillyjonktheBananaEater · 26/09/2006 18:26

Aww

What was it?

I'm sure people will understand, she;s 3 fgs!

Flamesparrow · 26/09/2006 18:28

oooh - you could be living my life!!! Luckily so far DD has only said things to me, but seeing as this afternoon's statement was that Psychomum beats her DS2 and makes him bleed (I would have spotted by now if she did), it could get very messy if she comes out with similar things at pre-school.

Watching this thread. No advice, but you're not alone.

Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:29

a girl in nursery class 'has' hit/scratche dher in past, including last week..so we ask her before i take her home now.. has anyone been nasty today, hs anyone hurt any one and she said no..later she tells me this irl scratched her and said i dont like you...i rang school as they 'wont' deal with her properly because of her limited english and said id had enough and she must be dealt with properly..rang other childrens parents who were playing at time with dd to hear if their stories matched, one said she didnt see anything, one hasnt come back..but now dd says it didnt happen..i dont know what to say to her, ive told her im very dissapointed, that xxx could have been in trouble all because she lied, and she says shes sooo sorry, but i cant understand it

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Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:29

thanks flamesparrow

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GreenLumpyTonsils · 26/09/2006 18:30

It happens a lot, you know. I'm sure people will understand, they'll probably just be relieved.

My 3yo told me one of his teachers had pulled his arm really roughly and frightened him. I was livid. It later emerged that it was a load of cobblers and he was covering himself because he had been told off for pulling the heads off the school daffodils. She didn't bat an eyelid, she works with 3 year olds.

Children are weird little creatures.

Have a ((((hug))))) and try not to worry too much about it.

Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:33

sorry feel very ..but i cant hug her..cant believe shed make something like that up..this girl is already being watched (not that dd knows that) cos of her behavour..this could have been very nasty for her

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marz · 26/09/2006 18:34

Oh this is a hard situation....I think you could go to the nursery and tell them that dd has now said that it did not happen BUT a 3 yr old is not good at remembering time scales...and the point that should be taken from this is that what your dd is saying means that the situation did happen and has happened and DOES need to be dealt with. Your dd might be muddled about what day it happened....she cannot tell you it happened last week or on wednesday, so don't be too hard on her.
And good luck!

spots · 26/09/2006 18:36

I'd watch out with asking her 'did anyone do anything nasty/did anyone hurt anyone'. For a three year old these leading questions are too easy to answer 'yes' to, and then they're off on a tangent of what-if-it-did-happen type story telling. I'm sure she would tell you of any serious incident that bothered her. Sorry if it sounds a bit judgemental, but it's almost as if you're putting the idea of people hurting each other into her head for her and all she has to do is tick the box. She prob. just thought she was going to get a nice juicy bit of sympathy from you, not that she might get others into trouble.

Don't be devastated!

Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:37

but it 'did' happen last week and dd had big mark on tummy to go with it!

i dont want her to be known as a fibber cos they wont take her seriously now..how can i instill in her the consequences of lying when shes so young?

i have told her she has to apologise to teacher for lying in morn, but dont know what to do about girl falsy accused as she wont actually know anything about it, but want dd to know she cant make things up about her

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FillyjonktheBananaEater · 26/09/2006 18:37

awww, poor you. but agree, its not a big deal in a 3 yo. is there any reason though, why she told this particular lie?

(my son who is 3 doesn't just lie, theres usually more to it-but i know this is not always the case)

you're certain it didnt happen? she's not just scared of the trouble it might cause?

marz · 26/09/2006 18:39

BUT maybe she did not lie???!

Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:39

thanks spots, i ask her that on advice from teacher as when this girl was hitting dd, she wouldnt tel us until later when school closed, thats the prob, she wont tell teacher or me until too late if something has happend, so girl cant be dealt with at time...teacher even offers a treat for being honest and sensible..ah, am really gutted, feel so stupid and know now,theyll wonder if shes telling fibs or not

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Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:41

well she's said same as this afternoon..mummy i promise im not lying, she did/didnt scratch me so god knows

she said she wont tell teacher when it happens cos shell shout, but i know this isnt true.

she doesnt/didnt seem affected about amount of trouble it would/wouldnt cause???

never forsaw this one

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spots · 26/09/2006 18:41

Sorry strawberrymoon, am at teacher offering reward for 'honesty'!!! Surely this encourages your DD to say that this girl has behaved badly, even if she hasn't?

Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:43

..they say if you come to teacher when someone is hurting another classmate/or have hurt yourself, you will get a reward..basically looking out for eachother..or so i thought?

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Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:45

shes coming up to bed in minute and ive told her no bedtime story for lying

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Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 18:45

hurt yourself as in fell over not hurt another classmate

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spots · 26/09/2006 18:47

Well, I can see that it's well meant but that credits very small children with a lot of clear sightedness, and puts temptation into the path of a lot of grey areas. I did think originally you meant rewards were given for reporting the behaviour of this one girl which shocked me more.... but still think rewards for this kind of thing are a Bad Idea.

spots · 26/09/2006 18:48

why can't the teacher's help be the 'reward' in itself?? reward giving gone mad!!!

Sunnysideup · 26/09/2006 18:58

spots, I agree.

Strawberry, I think at 3 your dd is only capable of a limited amount of understanding as to the consequences of her actions. To me she sounds as if she has a concept of telling the truth/fibbing but this will be basic at her age. I think don't stress the matter too much to her or with her because then it will become a focus of attention for her, an easy way to get your full on attention!

The way round this for you is just to learn from it yourself - don't go in all guns blazing on hearing this sort of thing but investigate it in a calm, measured way with the teachers; kids should be believed of course but at 3 they DO say some odd things, so don't feel it's worrying or means your dd is a liar; she's just 3 with a normal understanding of the world and the way we do things.....

always be honest and open with her, tell her the truth, and she WILL learn from this (I'm sure you do this anyway, I just mean to emphasise how important it is to role model truthfulness to kids; they learn how to be honest and straightforward from us).

Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 19:02

just tidying playroom and she came in and said she was really really sorry, asked her how she would feel in other girls shoes and she said sad..ive not told her sternly, that if anyone hurts her in school, she 'must' tell teacher straight away and 'must' tell me as soon as i collect her...and she must never ever pretend someone has hurt her again..god...put her to bed, gave her a kiss, she asked for a cuddle but i cant..i know im prob doing this all wrong but i dont want to upset/hurt her, but i dont want her to be looked upon or think its ok to be a liar

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FillyjonktheBananaEater · 26/09/2006 19:06

strawberry, please give her a cuddle!

She's only 3! Yes she did something that could have been serious, but she really really won't understand that! She's only 3!

And I agree with spots. I think the teacher and her reward system may be at fault here.

Go on, give her a cuddle and read her a book!

Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 19:17

think i should just give up.
went to see her, she was asleep said her name and she woke up, asked if i could have a cuddle, she said yes and said she was really sorry, i said i know, you know you mustnt do it again, she said yes, then i (accidentally) scratched her nose and made her cry

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FillyjonktheBananaEater · 26/09/2006 19:25

aw sw

its sooooo hard, isn't it?

aw...

Original poster
StrawberryMoon · 26/09/2006 19:33

feel like shit cos i prob handles it all wrong, but didnt want to shout..didnt know what to do so just withdrew my attention/affection to try and show her it was bad instead of shouting

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