What are your non-negotiables with toddlers?

[Bobsmyaunty]

My DD is just approaching 1.5 years and is showing the signs of the tantrums to come..

I thought I better get my arse in gear and decide what are the definite no-no's so that I can be consistent right from the start e.g. she's getting the hang of what she can and can't draw on and likes to test that boundary daily!

So, I wondered, what are the ground rules/non-negotiables that you instilled right from the start that you are glad you did?

Any sharing of experiences much appreciated!

DD is 2.10 - from the beginning of understanding, Hitting, running into the road and chocolate buttons for lunch have all be strong 'no's. The rest is broadly negotiable, though we now insist on please and thank you. Still to fully understand not interrupting!

DD is the same age and ours are:-

• Absolutely no hitting
• No getting what she wants after a tantrum (and boy she's good at those already...). Actually I find the tantrums quite funny, and when she sees me laughing she seems to stop...
• Tooth-brushing is mandatory
• No pudding if insufficient main has been eaten (this is rarely a problem with my gannet DD)
• No bashing the TV. She loves doing this for some reason.

Basics only. Teeth will be brushed (both of mine realised early on that resistance was futile). Nappy stays on (dd started doing fashion shows at 18mths which often involved getting naked). No running off. Always hand holding along roads or to cross roads (had a hand refuser and it meant time in the buggy or using a rucksack with lead, no negotiation).

No hair pulling ("gentle with hair")
No climbing on the coffee tables (would allow him to pull everything off the shelves behind)
No rolling/running/wriggling away during nappy changes
No standing up in the pram while it's moving

Still working on no harassing Mummy while she's having a cup of tea...

Yeah, teeth is one for me. There's no way I wanna be taking a 3 year old to get fillings in or teeth pulled!!

DD is 20 months. Ours are much the same as notaflaming plus:

• Hold hands or in buggy. No running off and no being carried.
• Sit down in the bath, on sofa and on our bed (due to prior falls)
• Say please (thank you is a bit harder as there is no reward )

I am working on "don't whine/cry, TELL me what you want" this obviously gets more realistic as her speech improves...

Sadly teeth brushing is still a daily battle - you'd think after months of being pinned down she'd have given up, but no...

Teeth brushing - although if DS is particularly grumpy or teething badly it might only be a quick one and then I'll give them a really good go when he's more compliant.

Hitting, hair pulling, biting (although thankfully he only does that to me).

Hand holding around cars.

Throwing. He's an absolute devil for it, but we let him throw his soft ball that makes a boing sound instead as this will often dissipate his 'throwy' mood.

Pulling leaves off the house plants - took ages, but he never does it now.

minipie I'm still working on the 'don't whine, TELL me what you want' and dd1 is 7

Nooo all these problems will surely have gone by 7

Please tell me she brushes her teeth ok at least??

DS turns 2 on Monday and we only have a handful

No hitting/scratching/biting etc
Hold hands/carried in car park/crossing road/walking down staircase
No touching oven
Dinner is served at the table, eat it or don't, but we're all sitting down.
Brush teeth - as in I brush them for him, then he gets to suck on toothbrush with toothpaste.
Used to have sitting down in bath but I've let that one go a bit as he's got older.

Basically, anything rating to rudeness/physical violence and safety.

DD is only 15 months but:

• no hitting
• no throwing hard things
• no pinching

I think that's mainly it. She's still very young.
What else should we add to the list?

What all the others said. Plus sit down to eat. No wandering round with food.

Pants/nappy required unless you asked first and are on a washable surface
Throwing things is for the garden
Books will be treated with respect or removed
No touching the oven
Tooth brushing is mandatory
Hand holding required unless you are safely contained
Gentleness and kindness to anything living, from cats to plants

These are great.

Definitely adding the handholding/reins near roads and teeth brushing to my list.

We're already on the case with hitting...spend a lot of time demonstrating what 'gentle' is to avoid the exuberant stroking too.

The wandering round with food thing I find tricky - meals are ok but snacks hard. Do you do all sat down bitoutof?

We do all snacks sitting down but not necessarily at the table - she's often sitting down in her buggy, on the step, on a bench in the park, etc.

YY to "gentle" and "nice cuddles" - I found that worked much much better than "no hitting". In general the word No seems to have the opposite effect on DD

I have one non-negotiable which is that what the adult says goes.

If I say no it doesn't change and if I ask them to do something we wait until it has happened. Once you have established that very clear rule you can play everything else by ear, although there are expectations that are consistent, e.g. eating at the table, shoes off in the house, dog crates being out of bounds, seatbelt on in the car, etc.

Ah ok, yes that makes sense re snacks.

Yes the gentle stroking demo's are starting to have effect thankfully as she's pretty boisterous and LARGE for her age.

Sorry just in from the docs

YY to sitting down with a snack. But as Minipie says, maybe not a table. Maybe a step / lap / pushchair etc. One of my pet parenting hates is when the parent follows the toder round with a snack enticing them to eat on the go.

Agree, eating in the kitchen at the table and snacks outside also sitting down. For two reasons, I don't care for banana stains on the sofa. And secondly, I've always been conscious of the choking risk if a toddler runs around chewing apples or grapes and trips.

Minipie They are both pretty sane, it's just the whining they don't seem to grow out of.

Pretty similar to everyone else. DD is 2.3:

• no hitting, kicking etc
• no throwing sand
• table for main meals & sit down for snacks
• no climbing on the furniture
• hold hands while walking or in her buggy (also walk or buggy, no carrying, as I'm 38 weeks pregnant and can't carry her now)

Working on please & thank yous and not whining which is a lovely phase we're currently going through!

Handholding anywhere that cars go
Tooth brushing
No drawing on anything other than paper (she ignores this one)
Out of the kitchen when it's in operation

Mine climb all over the furniture because it doesn't bother me

Other than that: no hitting, throwing or deliberately upsetting your brother ds1

Working on no interruptions, but he does say 'ESSCUZE ME MUMMY' now.....

Kind hands, kind words
No running away
Teeth brushing
No food or toys in sitting room

plump Yes there are definitely some things I'm just not bothered about where other parents have got A Rule.

I went to SIL's house recently, three toddlers running around. I "rescued" a cup of tea from the coffee table only to be told that SIL and her friend have trained their toddlers to leave tea cups alone this would never have occurred to me - we always just put things up high.