What are your non-negotiables with toddlers?

[Bobsmyaunty]

My DD is just approaching 1.5 years and is showing the signs of the tantrums to come..

I thought I better get my arse in gear and decide what are the definite no-no's so that I can be consistent right from the start e.g. she's getting the hang of what she can and can't draw on and likes to test that boundary daily!

So, I wondered, what are the ground rules/non-negotiables that you instilled right from the start that you are glad you did?

Any sharing of experiences much appreciated!

[MiaSparrow]

DD's 3.4. The really consistent ones are the obvious no hitting/biting/spitting, we have to SHARE with our friends, holding hands when crossing the road, the religious use of please and thank you. (Which we're still reminding her to say half the time!)

The less obvious, more personal to us: always eating at the table and 'please may I get down?', saying hello/goodbye to guests, offering round the biscuits first (she goes last - bless her). She's resigned herself to this one.

But the best piece of advice I ever got was "pick your battles". Otherwise you just end up hating the sound of your own voice going "NO, STOP THAT, PUT THAT BACK, DON'T DO THAT," ad infinitum.

Bike HOW do you not have toys in your living room?

[GoogleyEyes]

I have a 'sun hat stays on' rule. Initially enforced by a very slow walk along the road during which she took it off and I put it on again at every (toddler-sized) step. Took about 20 minutes, but did the trick.

Also cleaning teeth, gentle hands, straps in the buggy and car seat.

[TeenAndTween]

crayons and felt tips only at the dining room table, and only on paper

shoes off just inside the door

teeth brushing

seat belts (obviously)

no throwing toys in the house


We've had these forever.

[feekerry]

dd is 2.3, ds just a baby.

• table for meals and and snacks to stay on coffee table. so dd can run around all she wants but the snack doesn't leave the coffee table!
  
• teeth and hair brushed
  
• 'gentle hands' with all living things inc pets/plants etc.
  

-hold hands nr cars
-walk or buggy. no carrying. (had some epic tantrums over this lol)
-tidy up time before meal/bed (just showing some willing is enough!)

[tinofbeans]

All eating and drinking at the table.
No hitting etc.
No leaving the table before we have all finished.
Go to the toilet when told.
No arguing with mummy!
Bedroom and living room must be tidy before bedtime.
Teeth brushing...

dcs are 3.5 and 3 months.

[Chocolatestain]

I had a bit of a dilemma with snacks, especially when DS was really tiny - I didn't want the faff of having to sit in the high chair at the dining room table as DH and I like to have a cuppa and a biccie in the sitting room, but I didn't want DS running around with food. He's a real Duracell bunny child and struggles with sitting still.

The solution was the 'snack rug' (a cheap-as-chips Ikea blanket) that DS has to stay on. It gives a bit more scope for very young toddlers to wriggle and stand up, but also contains the mess. As he's got older, DS will get the snack rug out ready at snack time and is pretty good at staying sat down.

[Albertatata]

Brushing teeth
Having inhaler
Carseat & seatbelts
No hitting, kicking, biting or throwing

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Talk don't whinge
Don't hit
Pick things up don't step on or kick them
No throwing indoors
Don't interupt, take turns talking
Hold hands near cars

All except the last one are works in progress but he knows... he only hits his brother, nobody else, ever...

[Meglet]

Teeth brushing
Seat belts
Being nice to animals / bugs / plants.
Clean hands before a meal

[cravingcake]

We have the standard ones as others have -

no hitting, pushing, kicking, biting
No throwing toys
No crashing ride-on toys into the dogs
Teeth brushing must be done
Hold hands crossing roads & in carparks
And no playing on the stairs

[Lovelydiscusfish]

No physically hurting people (and ideally not emotionally hurting them either, but that is harder)
Being kind to the pets and not scaring them
Holding hands near cars
Please and thank you and greeting people (working on these)
Not touching various stuff that would break easily
We are instituting "tidy up time" as well, recently, inspired by nursery who teach them a special song for this. It's going OK.

There are various hygiene and safety rules which don't come up that often but which dd likes to repeat quite earnestly on occasion - not eating tablets (not that we leave them around; I just sometimes panic that she might find some in someone's bag, or something), not touching nettles, and my personal favourite "Poo - don't eat it!" Think she wrote the last one herself, actually, but I agree it's good advice.

[VampireSquid]

Hitting
Biting
Running off from us
Leaving things untouched if we tell them to
Say please and thank you

[minipie]

plump Yes there are definitely some things I'm just not bothered about where other parents have got A Rule.

I went to SIL's house recently, three toddlers running around. I "rescued" a cup of tea from the coffee table only to be told that SIL and her friend have trained their toddlers to leave tea cups alone this would never have occurred to me - we always just put things up high.

[BikeRunSki]

Kind hands, kind words
No running away
Teeth brushing
No food or toys in sitting room

[PlumpPartridge]

Mine climb all over the furniture because it doesn't bother me

Other than that: no hitting, throwing or deliberately upsetting your brother ds1

Working on no interruptions, but he does say 'ESSCUZE ME MUMMY' now.....

[ShelaghTurner]

Handholding anywhere that cars go
Tooth brushing
No drawing on anything other than paper (she ignores this one)
Out of the kitchen when it's in operation

[NancyinCali]

Pretty similar to everyone else. DD is 2.3:

• no hitting, kicking etc
• no throwing sand
• table for main meals & sit down for snacks
• no climbing on the furniture
• hold hands while walking or in her buggy (also walk or buggy, no carrying, as I'm 38 weeks pregnant and can't carry her now)

Working on please & thank yous and not whining which is a lovely phase we're currently going through!

[JewelFairies]

Agree, eating in the kitchen at the table and snacks outside also sitting down. For two reasons, I don't care for banana stains on the sofa. And secondly, I've always been conscious of the choking risk if a toddler runs around chewing apples or grapes and trips.

Minipie They are both pretty sane, it's just the whining they don't seem to grow out of.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Sorry just in from the docs

YY to sitting down with a snack. But as Minipie says, maybe not a table. Maybe a step / lap / pushchair etc. One of my pet parenting hates is when the parent follows the toder round with a snack enticing them to eat on the go.

[Bobsmyaunty]

Ah ok, yes that makes sense re snacks.

Yes the gentle stroking demo's are starting to have effect thankfully as she's pretty boisterous and LARGE for her age.

[Goldmandra]

I have one non-negotiable which is that what the adult says goes.

If I say no it doesn't change and if I ask them to do something we wait until it has happened. Once you have established that very clear rule you can play everything else by ear, although there are expectations that are consistent, e.g. eating at the table, shoes off in the house, dog crates being out of bounds, seatbelt on in the car, etc.

[minipie]

We do all snacks sitting down but not necessarily at the table - she's often sitting down in her buggy, on the step, on a bench in the park, etc.

YY to "gentle" and "nice cuddles" - I found that worked much much better than "no hitting". In general the word No seems to have the opposite effect on DD

[Bobsmyaunty]

These are great.

Definitely adding the handholding/reins near roads and teeth brushing to my list.

We're already on the case with hitting...spend a lot of time demonstrating what 'gentle' is to avoid the exuberant stroking too.

The wandering round with food thing I find tricky - meals are ok but snacks hard. Do you do all sat down bitoutof?

[TheWanderingUterus]

Pants/nappy required unless you asked first and are on a washable surface
Throwing things is for the garden
Books will be treated with respect or removed
No touching the oven
Tooth brushing is mandatory
Hand holding required unless you are safely contained
Gentleness and kindness to anything living, from cats to plants

[BitOutOfPractice]

What all the others said. Plus sit down to eat. No wandering round with food.