Soft play centres - my boys seem to keep getting into trouble

[mandbaby]

We have a local soft play centre which my two boys (4.7 and 2.11) adore. However, I hate it because nearly every time we go, I seem to have to warn them about their behaviour towards others.

Now, I'm of the opinion that we all take our children to these sorts of places so that they can let off steam and burn some energy, and I expect there to be rough play and for the odd, accidental bump to occur. But it seems some parents go over the top and I end up leaving before some mothers get out the stakes and pitchforks and light bonfires ready to throw my children on top of them.

Yesterday was no exception. It started off with my boys being the victims of an older, bigger boy (aged 8). My hubby overheard this boy saying he was going to "karate kick" our 4 year old in the face. Moments later, he did. My hubby had a word with the boy and that was enough for him to stay away from our boys. (His own mum appeared to be studying for something and had her nose so deep in a thick text book that her son could've committed murder and she wouldn't have noticed).

However, half an hour later and my boys were dominating those wrecking ball type things (big balls that you sit on and they run on rails from one area to another). A very small boy (aged 2ish) was in there and unfortunately found himself getting knocked down a few times by the balls that my sons were on. My hubby told them to calm down and be careful of the boy, but before we knew it, the young boys mother was there yelling and actually crying, before going to a member of staff saying her son was being "bullied" by our 2 boys. Now, I'm sorry, but whilst my boys weren't being angels, boys will be boys right? And if you leave your 2 year old son to go unattended in a rough play centre, don't you expect that he's going to get knocked about a bit? Hubby and I were both watching our boys every move and would NEVER let our boys get violent or angry and the moment they go over the top, we remove them and have them sit with us for 5 minute to calm down.

What bothers me more than anything though, is that something of this nature seems to happen every time we go. It really stresses me out because my boys must appear to some parents like really horrible children, and they're not! They're just boisterous boys letting off steam.

How do you deal with your kids when "rough-housing" becomes over the top behaviour? Where do you draw the line?

Erm, yes I do think it's ok to expect your child not to get hurt.
Getting hurt is the exception, not the norm.

So many of you haven't read my posts thoroughly. My eldest boy DID apologise - immediately - without even being asked to. I said this ages ago.

And I'd even corrected myself on my "few times" typo in my 3rd reply (which was only the 7th reply in the entire thread) that it happened just the once.

Why do you think so many parents over react to your boys' behaviour mandbaby?

I have read all your posts.
You say you have to warn your children about their behaviour every time you go.
I don't think that's a good thing.

I don't think you are a terrible parent with uncontrollable children. I just think soft play is causing you more angst than it should do.

randallfloyd No, I'm sorry. If you don't want your children to get hurt then keep them wrapped in cotton wool in a sterile, oxygen bubble at home.

I'm a realist. Life is full of accidents, and things that we wished would never happen, unfortunately.

I don't think that's the only way to stop them being hurt is it?
I'm aware of the possibility of children being hurt but I don't think we need to expect that they will be.

It's more of an occupational hazard than an inevitability surely.

The slide thing was an example. It didn't actually happen. I was merely making a point about who would be to blame.

and you were wrong - the blame would have been on your DC if they had slide down a slide when another child was still the bottom or climbing up it.

But you're not listening, so I'm not going to bother anymore, suffice to say that I don't go to soft play, thank god.

Well OP, you seem to have answered your own question.
You have decided that your boys were not in the wrong. You were not in the wrong in how you handled them. The other parents were wrong in how they over reacted. No other occasions at soft play, exactly the same has happened....you have been right and others have been wrong. If that is how you feel about it all, then there is no question to be answered, because you have decided and don't want to hear anyone's suggestions about what your boys or you are doing.

You do need to recognise the big difference from your first post, to the story we now have. It did move from your boys dominating an area, having been to,d to be careful but not removed and knocking someone over several times. But now, they are not dominating the area just playing happily, with an adult watching very closely and knocking someone over once. This kind of difference will annoy people who bother to post to try to help you answer your question, because the responses to the 2 scenarios are likely to be different and it sounds very much like you are changing your story to justify your behaviour.

At the end of the day, YOU need to make a judgement about how they should behave and the level of supervision they need and if you are satisfied that you are delivering that, there should be few incidents with other parents and you dot need to worry about what parents at the soft play or on here think!

RandallFloyd the "warning" comment was more about having to remind them that it's a soft play centre and to play carefully and mindfully. They're 2 and 4. Would you rather I just said nothing and let them run riot.

The point about "warning" them was to let you all know that I'm NOT an ignorant parent. Nor are my boys aggressive bullies. I set boundaries. Always. And my boys are clear on them. That was all.

Rivertam Oh, of course, this is why they have signs up saying "please check there's nobody on the slide before you go down" rather than the signs that say "no climbing up the slide".

If your boys seem to be getting into trouble frequently at this type of place that that suggests that there is a problem - with the way that they play (unless there are always the same people there each time you go).

Fwiw, I have 2 boys with a similar age gap. We (they) used to enjoy going to softplay fairly often when they were the ages of your ds's and rarely had any problems.

I think a little reflection on their behaviour and attitudes to other people, rather than simply attributing it to them being boys might be a good thing.

OP, many people have posted on this thread to try and help you answer your question.
At no point have you seemed to think that anyone has anything useful to say, which could help you avoid this situation in future. You simply continue to say that your boys were right and other parents over reacted. The fact is that many many people have pointed out numerous reasons for this situation, but you a unwilling to consider your own role and that of your boys within it. Why is that?

I have two boys age 6 and 4, and I think YABU. If your children's behaviour is regularly leading to other children getting hurt, then something is definitely wrong. Yesterday they were at their little sister's 3rd birthday party - lots of running around, climbing on things, excitement, but not a single toddler was endangered by my bigger two (or the friend each of them was allowed to bring) at any point.

Perhaps soft play is just not suitable for your family. It's not suitable for mine either because so often there's one or two badly behaved kids ruining it for everyone. My boys are fairly gentle sorts, and at 4 and 2 would have been the ones getting roughed up by yours. Also I loathe the hellhole places and avoid them like the plague

Maybe more outdoor time would suit you? Are there any woods near you? A walk through interesting countryside is brilliant for using up energy - and for focusing it in a more constructive direction.

Yeah coz a 2 yr old can read a sign.

If your kids are getting into trouble repeatedly then I can imagine your kids are the problem, or rather you are.

Sounds to me like you don't like interacting with other people and often find conflict.
It is unusual for most people to feel the soft play environment makes them need to leave early, to avoid other critical parents. Most people don't encounter lots of other critical parents or don't have a sense that they have.
Most people on Mumsnet don't find they are arguing with almost everyone, but you are. You are sure you are right and no matter how many different ways people suggest the same thing, you are unwilling to hear it. I imagine being on here is also making you feel stressed and under attack, in the same way being at soft play does.

Perhaps worth thinking about how you interact and react to others.

If its all too stressful, avoid places which put you in a situation which makes you uncomfortable.

chocolatewombat ok, I hold my hands up and admit that it does seem like I changed the story. I didn't, or at least I didn't mean for it to sound like it was changed.

The facts were thus: my boys were playing together, alone (dominating) the wrecking balls. Hubby was kneeling at the side because our 2YO had gone in there and in the past this area has been a place where he himself has been knocked over by others playing obliviously and excitedly. (I keep my pitchfork at home though). Another 2YO walked in their path, got knocked over, stood up, fell over and my 4YO apologised - without being asked/reminded to. The 2YO seemed unaffected, but my hubby reminded our boys to calm it down a notch (with each other) and to be more mindful that smaller children might walk in. Along comes mother who sweeps her child up, shouts at my children to be more careful (I think at this point she was unaware that it was their father kneeling at the side, watching and listening) and went off to find a member of staff to help light her bonfire. The member of staff, by the way, was completely on our side and shrugged her shoulders and roller her eyes when the OTT Mum got pulled away (from the member of staff) by her friend.

You see, there were more details that I didn't add in the OP. I didn't leave them out surreptitiously, I was merely trying to keep the OP succinct and to ask for advice as to why there is always one parent who takes their pitchfork as well as their child along to a place called "Rough and Tumble".

My boys are good boys. They have bags of energy, yes, and can sometimes (as can all of us) be a little unaware of our immediate surroundings. But they're 2 and 4. Not 20 and 40. Accidents will happen. Especially if you let your 2YO wander into an area that is meant for older children. End of.

OP, you're one of those aren't you?

It will always be the other child's fault, and yours will never ever do any wrong.

Yours will be boisterous and "boys will be boys" and everyone else's will be "bullying" and thuggy.

A 2 yr old needs absolutely to be helicoptered in a softplay.Especially on a Sunday. I thank Christ and all the angels on a daily basis that dd is now too old for such hell on earth but when she did like them, I watched her every move.

I don't have a "SN get out card". But a lot of the people I'm proud to call my friends do. And I am gobsmacked on their behalf that anyone could ever think that such a phrase was ever going to go down well.

the signage is irrelevant, it's the child at the bottom or climbing who will get hurt. Your DC can ask a climber to get off the slide, can't they? And they can wait for the previous slider to clear the bottom of the slide, can't they? But your thinking seems to be 'tough tit if they get hurt, my kid's on the slide and that's that'.

I taught DD both to clear the slide and wait for others to get out of the way before sliding. She is 4 and as far as I'm concerned the onus would be on her to wait, rather than just crashing into another child. You think differently, it seems, and that's exactly why you're getting parents being arsey with you and your DC.

I think you should read cordelia fine's 'delusions of gender'.

Your expectations of your sons behaviour is a self fulfilling prophecy.

the boys vs girls behaviour thing really pisses me off.

perhaps because I have 'boisterous' girls (although I do have that handy SN get-out card, so maybe that makes it ok? ). I do also have a boisterous boy.

hang on. actually, I have 3 children. All capable of running about and rough and tumble. All capable of behaving, and all expected to do so.

None of them needs mor eexercise than the others - they ALL need to jump, skip, run, fidget, slide, roll about and erm, be children

Nothing pisses me off more than parents like you, OP who play the 'oh, boys will be boys' card when small children are being knocked over, other children's play disrupted, and children allowed ot dominate certain areas of playgrounds/softplay.

Wow, if you knew me, you'd know that argumentative and looking for conflict is the LAST thing I do. Hence why I don't go marching up to other children's mothers asking them to remove their children after karate-kicking my 4YO. Interesting and thought provoking that that's how my replies come across. I will take that on board.

I mean that sincerely too.

OP, yes, have a read through the whole thread and see it from the view of those replying.
Many people are now not really replying about the soft play thing, but in reaction to HOW you have responded, as well as the reference to SN which came up early on.
I don't think you were SEEKING conflict here, but was suggesting you sound like a person who often FEELS like they are facing conflict, whether that is at soft play or elsewhere. People are not out to get you at Soft Play or here. But you do need to be willing to listen what people say and consider it, rather than doggedly arguing your corner without considering that your views might be wrong.

And finally OP, you need to realise that when threads become long, people may well not read all of it. They may not spot the revision to what you said originally, in your 4th or 6th post. The 1st does need to be as accurate as possible. Drip feeding or altering the story makes it difficult for people to answer accurately and annoys them.....leads to many questioning the whole thread.