Soft play centres - my boys seem to keep getting into trouble

[mandbaby]

We have a local soft play centre which my two boys (4.7 and 2.11) adore. However, I hate it because nearly every time we go, I seem to have to warn them about their behaviour towards others.

Now, I'm of the opinion that we all take our children to these sorts of places so that they can let off steam and burn some energy, and I expect there to be rough play and for the odd, accidental bump to occur. But it seems some parents go over the top and I end up leaving before some mothers get out the stakes and pitchforks and light bonfires ready to throw my children on top of them.

Yesterday was no exception. It started off with my boys being the victims of an older, bigger boy (aged 8). My hubby overheard this boy saying he was going to "karate kick" our 4 year old in the face. Moments later, he did. My hubby had a word with the boy and that was enough for him to stay away from our boys. (His own mum appeared to be studying for something and had her nose so deep in a thick text book that her son could've committed murder and she wouldn't have noticed).

However, half an hour later and my boys were dominating those wrecking ball type things (big balls that you sit on and they run on rails from one area to another). A very small boy (aged 2ish) was in there and unfortunately found himself getting knocked down a few times by the balls that my sons were on. My hubby told them to calm down and be careful of the boy, but before we knew it, the young boys mother was there yelling and actually crying, before going to a member of staff saying her son was being "bullied" by our 2 boys. Now, I'm sorry, but whilst my boys weren't being angels, boys will be boys right? And if you leave your 2 year old son to go unattended in a rough play centre, don't you expect that he's going to get knocked about a bit? Hubby and I were both watching our boys every move and would NEVER let our boys get violent or angry and the moment they go over the top, we remove them and have them sit with us for 5 minute to calm down.

What bothers me more than anything though, is that something of this nature seems to happen every time we go. It really stresses me out because my boys must appear to some parents like really horrible children, and they're not! They're just boisterous boys letting off steam.

How do you deal with your kids when "rough-housing" becomes over the top behaviour? Where do you draw the line?

Oh my fucking.... Lljkk I cannot believe you just said that.

Given your update I would say that there was not much more you or your boys could have done. You expect some bumps in softplay, particularly if you let a 2 year old in the older section. I would say the other DM overreacted.

I do think it can be difficult at places like softplay with so many parents having different expectations of what is acceptable. Most times we end up going I end up judging some parent for ignoring their children running riot, but also getting fed up with the parent shadowing their child and getting cross at any children being in their vicinity. Not sure what you can do about it though...

Wtf is a 'SN get out card'?!

I was just about to post to say that I go to soft play a lot with ds (nearly 4) he is disabled, I follow him round and make sure he is ok, but i also expect the other parents to do their bit to stop their children from being too rough - soft play is for all children of all abilities to share.

Obviously i needn't have posted, as i could have just whipped out my 'sn get out card'

You are massively over-thinking this.

Surely everyone knows that soft play centres are one of the circles of hell? But we go because the kids love it.

Many parents there are not supervising properly, or looked away for 5 mins and 'disaster' strikes. Some of these parents will then try to blame others around them as they know deep down it was their fault.

So 2 year-old's mum should have hoiked him out the first time he was knocked over. HOWEVER, since you were supervising (and your 2 year-old was also in there btw), you perhaps should have called a halt to proceedings while this boy was checked/removed or whatever.

You could have taken great satisfaction in calling out 'where's your mummy/daddy? Oh dear you are too small to be in this area, how could you have got in here?' Whilst hiding your own 2 year-old obv.

Your two other options are just to be hugely over-apologetic and smiley and nice. They bluster for a while then go over to their mates and whisper, nudge and stare for a while. Meh.

Or you could have just pointed out that her son shouldn't have been in there and where the jeff was she when he clearly needs supervision, being so small.

In short, I don't think your skin is thick enough. Take your own advice and remember that shit happens, forget about it.

Oh well it is difficult for people to answer if the story changes all the time.

Tbh you don't really seem to want to consider that the may be an issue with your boys' behaviour, just that other parents over react. And the story of what happened seems to be changing, so you can increasingly justify your sons.

They a very little and need to be watched a lot. Perhaps you need to be in there more often with them. Perhaps they should stay in the under 5s section. Perhaps you are being over sensitive to the reactions of others, because you know there is a problem,mor perhaps there isn't. We don't know really, because we don't know what has been going on. You will have to decide. Be prepared to re assess your view of your own sons.

Ooh, ooh, I have the SN 'get out card'

What does it win me?

Oh yes, a whole heap of shit.

Don't forget having to read shit that utter fuckwits write like "SN get out card"

It's our laminated SN Get Out card, hazey, of course. With our SN Brigade Membership Number on the back.

Have you not been issued with yours?

Lljkk describing SN as a 'get out card' is at best naive, insensitive, and ignorant and at worst - well, that would get me deleted.

I'm hoping it was just a very unfortunate and unthinking turn of phrase.

I don't know did it come free with my Professionally Offended tattoo?

chocolatewombat no, no. My 2 year old went into the over 4s area to play with his brother and they were pushing the wrecking balls between them. My husband was kneeling at the side of the area watching them closely (as one of us always does). We see so many parents in there chatting, reading the paper, on their phones, etc, oblivious to their kids. We watch ours like hawks and whip them out of there the moment their behaviour becomes over the top towards others. Like I said in my first post, the 8YO's mother was studying - reading a thick text book and writing, she had no clue that her overweight son was karate-kicking 4 year old's in the face.

I don't believe that my sons' behaviour is any worse than 90% of the kids in there. In fact, it's way better than most. But there are 10% of kids whose parents seem to expect something different in a place called "Rough and Tumble". (I'm sorry I keep repeating this point, but this is the point some of you don't appear to be getting).

sleepyhead Yes, I see now that my original post was misleading in putting the "few times". The few times was actually referring to the times they fell over themselves.

That's the one.

X-posted with other outraged and disgusted posters.

"SN get out card"?

Are you for real?

Sn get out card!!
Jesus....reported.

I don't have a card
He doesn't have an official diagnosis yet so we have to stick to waving our flag and clanging our bell.

Sorry, now the 8 year old is "overweight?"

To Be Honest I wouldn't have thought it necessary to stand by the side and watch an 8 year old like a hawk ready to swoop in, unless there have been so many incidents that this is necessary.

And, I never used to kneel by the side watching my 4 year old either. Surely that's the point of soft play, you can sit and read the paper whilst they run around and have fun?

Yes, obviously you need to watch the 2 year old a bit more closely

I hate soft play. My dds constantly got knocked about or knocked other kids about. Kids are often not in the correct age bit. Seen 2 yr old standing at bottom of slide while parents are doing something else. They can let off more steam at the park with it the hassle and the entry fee and he crap overpriced food. Nothing to do with them being boys btw

OP you've painted two quite different pictures from your first post to subsequent posts...

First we had two boisterous "boys will be boys" who are at soft play for rough play, rough housing, they dominate play equipment, repeatedly knock over smaller children who in your opinion shouldn't even be there if they aren't expecting to get knocked down, and they always get in trouble and told off by other parents...

Now we have energetic boys who aren't allowed to play rough, occasionally knock another child over accidentally and always apologise and other parents massively overreact.

Which is it?

To be honest, even if your children are just accidentally knocking over lots of other children every time you go, it sounds like soft play isn't the place for them. Maybe open spaces/parks would be a better place for them to burn off energy?

Oh, he's overweight now is he? And all the other parents ignore their children whilst you watch yours?

Okay. I now see this thread for what it is.

Sorry for typos. On phone, u know what I mean.

Bloody hell, 'boys being boys' really grates on me.

Some men commit rape. Does that therefore mean that raping is just 'men being men'? That they can't help it, 'by nature of their gender'.

I've got a brother who hates rough play, is sensitive and shy and used to go out of his way to look after smaller children in play centres. Is he not a boy, then?

OP, soft play places are full over over excited kids running round and falling over each other. I honestly wouldn't worry about it. We've all been on both sides of it at various times. My children were regularly knocked clean off their feet and also went careering into other children at times. I always thought it was just the nature of the beast. And why it was shoes off and lots of big soft things Sort of like the dodgems. Go on them and expect to get bumped!

Just carry on reminding your children about the importance of being careful and carry on keeping the eye on them that you are and intervening when necessary. I used to have to bring mine out to calm them a bit when they got too over excited.

I am surprised that the mother of the two year old did not think that it might be a bit rough for the child, but I also know how protective you can feel of them when they are so tiny so I understand also why she got so upset.

Sort of seeing it from all angles I suppose.

Ooh I have two boys and a girl, now how many points do I get for both boys having SN??

What do my cards entitle me to??