Soft play centres - my boys seem to keep getting into trouble

[mandbaby]

We have a local soft play centre which my two boys (4.7 and 2.11) adore. However, I hate it because nearly every time we go, I seem to have to warn them about their behaviour towards others.

Now, I'm of the opinion that we all take our children to these sorts of places so that they can let off steam and burn some energy, and I expect there to be rough play and for the odd, accidental bump to occur. But it seems some parents go over the top and I end up leaving before some mothers get out the stakes and pitchforks and light bonfires ready to throw my children on top of them.

Yesterday was no exception. It started off with my boys being the victims of an older, bigger boy (aged 8). My hubby overheard this boy saying he was going to "karate kick" our 4 year old in the face. Moments later, he did. My hubby had a word with the boy and that was enough for him to stay away from our boys. (His own mum appeared to be studying for something and had her nose so deep in a thick text book that her son could've committed murder and she wouldn't have noticed).

However, half an hour later and my boys were dominating those wrecking ball type things (big balls that you sit on and they run on rails from one area to another). A very small boy (aged 2ish) was in there and unfortunately found himself getting knocked down a few times by the balls that my sons were on. My hubby told them to calm down and be careful of the boy, but before we knew it, the young boys mother was there yelling and actually crying, before going to a member of staff saying her son was being "bullied" by our 2 boys. Now, I'm sorry, but whilst my boys weren't being angels, boys will be boys right? And if you leave your 2 year old son to go unattended in a rough play centre, don't you expect that he's going to get knocked about a bit? Hubby and I were both watching our boys every move and would NEVER let our boys get violent or angry and the moment they go over the top, we remove them and have them sit with us for 5 minute to calm down.

What bothers me more than anything though, is that something of this nature seems to happen every time we go. It really stresses me out because my boys must appear to some parents like really horrible children, and they're not! They're just boisterous boys letting off steam.

How do you deal with your kids when "rough-housing" becomes over the top behaviour? Where do you draw the line?

A very generous support system, lots of understanding and fantastic resources.

I will now pause until you finish laughing.

Yes I did say a few times, but it wasn't a few times. So basically, having been told you're being unreasonable; you're going to rewrite the entire sage to make it sound as if you're not?

I don't agree with these soft play centres, and I think a lot of the children who go to them are not actually properly socialised. I prefer mine to paly out in the street with the other kids from the neighbourhood, go over the playingfield or the park or something like that.

saga, even...

My 23 month old can understand about waiting until a slide is clear so I'm sure your 4YO can!

This always happens at soft play, kids are all over excited and they're bound to have a few knocks as they're all still developing their spatial awareness. You can teach them not to slide down if there's a little one at the bottom of the slide etc., but you're never going to control everything. The reaction of the other parent is so outside of the norm that I think there must have been something else going on for her.

I wouldn't be upset if my DC had been knocked down by a soft play 'wrecking ball'. They need to learn to watch out for themselves and keep out of the way of things like that.
Obviously if someone had been deliberately targeting them it would be different, but I'm very much an 'accidents will happen' sort of person who believes in children (and adults) learning from experience.

Right. I see. Drip feeding and story changing. Thought I'd avoid all that shite by staying out of AIBU. Apparently not.

OP, you didn't like the responses you received, so you changed the 'facts'

Look, what everyone is telling you is that our children are not repeatedly told off every time we to soft play and nor do we have to leave early before the mothers come at us with "pitch forks".

You are on your own there, and so I think a little bit of introspection would be worthwhile as to how you are parenting at these sot plays.

Clearly you are going there with the name 'rough and tumble' in your mind. How about focussing on the word soft

Tantrumsandballoons and the terriblebaroness yes, the 8YO was overweight. I made the point because he wasn't some skinny, lightweight thing. He was a big, large boy, twice my eldest boy's age and weight; but despite this and despite that a bomb could've gone off and his mother wouldn't have got her nose out of her book, I didn't overreact to what was clearly bullying by a boy who should've known better.

We don't kneel at the side of the area the whole time. We do, however, keep our eyes on them the whole time. Studying, reading the paper, and playing on my phone I reserve for when my boys are asleep. My hubby went to kneel at the side of the area because our 2YO walked in the over 4s area to be with his brother and my hubby wanted to make sure they wern't overstepping the mark with each other.

I can see how it sounds like 2 different pictures. But it wasn't. We went to soft play as we occasionally do, but it seems like each time we do I feel pressured into leaving early because of the overreaction of one parent or another. THAT was the point to my thread. Nothing more. Like you said brucietheshark, I need to get thicker skin.

My boys are boisterous. They are. No two ways about it. But they're not aggressive nor are they bullies. They were more oblivious to their surroundings at this particular time because they were playing together and completely engrossed in it. Because of this, another 2YO got knocked over.

A SN Get out card, where do I get me one of those? Christ on a bike. Even my SN kid knows to check there's nobody at the bottom before going down a slide.

Oh Hec you are a comedian

Anyway, to the point, of course there's some occasions of rough and tumble at soft play, but I expect my DC to behave, and if they didn't they'd be out of there sharpish.

1. You need to stop thinking 'boys will be boys' and that because they are boys, of course they will behave in a certain manner. It's bullshit.

1. More lessons to be learned - if your DC knocks over a child who was at the bottom of the slide or on the slide, he needs to learn that you don't go down the slide if someone is still at the bottom (especially if this is a smaller child) and if someone is climbing they can surely learn to ask that child to go down so they can slide. I taught DD that one when she was 2, she's now 4 and will wait for others to clear the way. Maybe it's easier for her to understand because she's a girl ?

I would be taking them to the park, if I was you, plenty of space for them to be 'boys' in.

In your OP, your children were "dominating" the wrecking balls, and you clearly referred to the other little boy as "getting knocked down a few times", nothing to with your children. Your 2 year old was in the 4+ play space long enough for your husband to tell them "to calm down and be careful of the boy", but he didn't care to remove your 2 year old from the inappropriate area, though you suggest it was wrong for the other 2 year old to be there.

You think it was OK to tell the 8 year old off, which is fine, (though mentioning his weight is snarky, rude and unnecessary) but don't feel the need to tell your own children off sufficiently when they hurt someone?

Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, your children's behaviour sounds fairly typical for small children - they are still very little - but they need to be told far more firmly not to behave like that. They cannot knock small children over (even ones who have wandered) - I would expect them to say sorry to him for that. They cannot slide down slides when people are coming up them - at that point you suggest to the climbing child to get off, not let your DC boot them in the face. Which you can do, if you really are "watching them closely". They will learn.

TBH, the fact this happens every time you go would suggest that no, you aren't watching your very young children sufficiently closely at the moment, and/or the message "no, you mustn't do that." isn't getting through.

Maybe it's time to put a hold on the soft play for a bit?

It might be time to teach your boisterous boys not to be oblivious. This will come in handy throughout life, doing things like crossing roads and driving cars when they're older.

As for the lovely 'SN get out card', I'd like to know where I can get mine? And is it laminated?

OP. I am just going to pick up on your point of "boys will be boys"
I have 2 boys. (1 has SN...natch)
My eldest boy (who doesn't have SN) doesn't display any typical boys will be boys behaviour. He's 12. Nor do his friends.

There was a boy in his primary school who was a little shit. I hate saying that about children, but he was. His mothers excuse...."boys will be boys" Doesn't wash with me.

Shit behaviour in children is shit behaviour.

My boy who has SN isn't allowed to be naughty. He has boundaries.

By saying boys will be boys is almost saying girls should be the typical pink frilly dolly playing type. Not my daughter at all!

I would expect my child to be mindful of other children, especially smaller ones. No a toddler shouldn't be unsupervised in the wrecking ball bit or at the bottom of a giant slide, they should be in the toddler section or with an adult, but accidents happen, and I would want my child to be aware of other children. I've always taught him to wait until a slide or whatever is clear and to LOOK and CHECK before he goes down. It's the same with any toy or activity which could hurt another child if they are in the way. He's not always perfect, he tried to pull a child off a high toy the other day because he didn't think, and got kicked in the face which I was less sympathetic than I might have been about, because really he shouldn't have been pulling the other child down. It's totally possible to teach children this, even boys

Op you sound like hard work.

It's perfectly possible to be boisterous and have fun, but also be aware of surroundings and be responsible about it. Of course no 4 year old is going to be totally aware and responsible all of the time. I agree they should have apologised to the 2yo or his parents, even though it was an accident, it could have been quite a nasty one.

I hate soft play, full of parents not keeping an eye on their kids, seems to be used a a place where you can dump your kids whilst you drink coffee with friends. There's always going to be kids bumping into others and kids getting hurt, I'm pleased mine hate going to soft play and are now getting too old to go.

I expect my cards to be in the colour of my choice, laminated and have a fancy hologram on them... I'm so demanding!

They're not being processed by the passport office though are they? I don't like waiting..

If you are having to warn them about their behaviour every time you go (as you say in your OP) then I would personally be having a bit of a re-think.

If they are having to be watched so closely and corrected so much then maybe soft play isn't a good place for them to be. The odd correction here and there obviously, all kids get overexcited in those places, but what you describe seems like a bit more than that tbh.

My DS got kicked in the face at a playground recently. The older boy instantly jumped down and apologised profusely. He was a lovely kid, just distracted and excitable. He didn't need warning about his behaviour or telling off, he was just playing, accidents happen. If he hadn't apologised it would have been different but he was genuinely sorry so nothing else needed to be said other than 'it's ok, don't worry, it was an accident'.

From what you describe the whole thing sounds very stressful for all of you so I would just avoid it for a while. Summer's here now anyway so just go to the park instead for a while.

The slide thing was an example. It didn't actually happen. I was merely making a point about who would be to blame. The other 2YO boy got knocked over because he walked into the path of my two boys pushing a wrecking ball between them. Am I supposed to supervise EVERY child in there, or just my own??! My eldest boy apologised, both our boys were told to be careful and reminded that others may walk into their paths, and that was enough. The over-emotional mum, in my opinion, was completely OTT. If she'd have been watching HER 2YO like we were watching ours, perhaps it may not have happened.

My story didn't change. Yes, I committed the worst crime ever - a typo. A "few times" was factually incorrect but I was actually thinking about how many times my own 2YO was getting knocked to his feet and getting up again, but laughing the whole time because he was having fun with his older brother.

As I keep saying, I can't believe the reaction by SOME parents to what is inevitable in these kinds of places. Do they really expect that their children CAN'T and wont get hurt in these places? I don't expect that, but I know it's inevitable. I will say it again - I encourage my boys to play nicely, share, be empathic and curteous. But I know accidents happen.

And, I'm sorry to all those who don't believe that boys and girls are different, I work in a school with 700+ pupils and see the difference on a daily (hourly!) basis. Boys DO have uncontrollable amounts of testosterone running through them and do excersise this in a more boisterous manner, particularly when with other males. Fact. It's tribal and goes back to the dawn of time in every species.

And I am at the comment about 'sn get out card', can someone explain that too me?

Both my dd's have autism and are well behaved children and get told off for the same reasons any nt child would, sn is not an excuse for bad behaviour, the only problems we have had a soft play is nt children being too boisterous and pushing over my dd's. Children need to be taught to control themselves a little, yes it's ok to have fun ( which is what op's children are doing ) but older children need to learn to be careful around little ones and to calm down a little.