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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I am sick sore and tired of hearing "i dont want to..."

33 replies

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/02/2014 19:47

Ds(8) is like a stuck record with this line. Everything i ask him to do is answered with a whiney "i dont want to brush my teeth/have a bath/eat dinner/go outside/tidy my room/go to school/bring my washing down"

Ffs- i didnt ask if you wanted to i asked you to do it! Why does everything have to be an argument?

Grrrr!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/02/2014 21:41

We are suffering a bit with this too. Haven't got much advice but will watch with interest...

Queenmarigold · 09/02/2014 21:46

Same here with 5yo. Am hoping it's down to needing half term.

Piggytastic · 09/02/2014 21:46

Same here, also watching with interest!

Original poster

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/02/2014 22:50

Im not alone!

You could be right with the needing half term thing.

Ds just seems to have become so lazy or unwilling to do anything that means getting off the sofa. Ds2 is 4 and normally so pleased to help out or do what i asked but he seems to have picked up on ds1's lazybess and is repeating the same whinge. So irritating.

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/02/2014 22:55

We've banned screen time today, just for half an hour but was asking him to do some stuff with me and for me during that half an hour. He started moaning so I told him that everytime he moaned, I'd add an extra 15 mins on. It took him 3 times to realise I was serious...

Original poster

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/02/2014 23:05

Thats what i should have done!

During the week we have a half hour limit a day screen time but at weekends i ease up and then lose track of how long its been. Think i'll start a limit at weekends too.

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/02/2014 23:11

Don't get me wrong, he's had lots of screen time for the rest of the day, but it did seem to stop him whinging

Original poster

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/02/2014 23:29

Well anything is worth a try. I ended up snapping at bathtime and shouting at him that i didnt care whether he wanted to or not and to just "DO AS YOU'RE TOLD". I so dont want to be that parent insisting things be done 'because i said so'

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/02/2014 23:32

My DSIL tells hers that she doesn't feel like cooking for them either and sits down with a newspaper or book

TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy · 09/02/2014 23:37

My 9 year old DS is doing something similar recently, he'll sulk if he's told to do something that he doesn't want and if asked why he's sulking, he just says "I don't know", and that's his response to everything lately. Driving me up the wall it is. I'm guessing this refusal is age appropriate but as you said it is so tiring.

thinking101 · 09/02/2014 23:42

I get noises, always noises.

I was accused of treating him like a baby re getting ready.
He hadnt actualy washed his hair, lied about it then tried to blame me for it.

Strop over homework, offer help, doesnt like the advice, goes off in strop.

He is handwork, more so than toddler who is wailing a lot due to not know ing all her words needed.

Then DH complains.

Getting ready to go anywhere is fraught, if I leave or do somethign very bad it will happen in the process of getting ready.

He is in a bubble of his own. Quite fucking annoying.

thinking101 · 09/02/2014 23:43

I mean if I ever was to - I fantasies about walking out, I have to as a form of detachment, it amuses me to imagine how DH would actually cope.

thinking101 · 09/02/2014 23:44

Oooh thats a good idea refusing to cook....hmm. I'll try that tactic.

Original poster

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/02/2014 23:48

Ah see if i refused to cook that would suit him as he never actually wants dinner either and would prefer to live on cereal!

I also get the refusing to wash hair, then lying about doing it (dunks hair in water and thinks im stupid!) and then whining that he is "8 years old dont you know!" And doesnt need his mum washing his hair when i try to.

Hard work is the correct phrase!

OP posts:

Original poster

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/02/2014 23:52

His most recent thing is refusing to have his hair cut. We had a really embarassing episode in barber shop last month where he actually lay down on the floor when it was his turn so i had to apologise to hair dresser and return a week later with very red face and promise there would be no repeat performance. That was only possible because i promised ds his friend could come over if he had his hair cut and that the barber would only very slightly trim it. Now it needs done again as so little was taken off and he is refusing. Says he isnt having his hair cut til he is 25!

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thinking101 · 09/02/2014 23:57

Im pleased it is not just me. Even DH who is more patient (not having batered down by it during the week) has lost his temper with him a couple of times lately.

Last week he nearly got knocked into on tube esculators because he didnt move I said three times 'stand behind me' (so as to be on the right as per signs) and in the end I had to turn and yank him over hilst holding onto DD's pushchair.

I actually find it hard to be around him sometimes.

Original poster

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 10/02/2014 00:01

Yes regularly need to leave the room and just breathe for a few minutes. Otherwise i'd just be horrible temper all the time.

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LastingLight · 10/02/2014 07:45

Me: DD, please go and shower.
DD: I don't want to shower now. Whine, whine whine...
Me: You have 5 minutes to whine about it, then you must be in the shower. If you choose to continue whining instead of showering --- insert consequence here.

CouthyMow · 10/02/2014 07:58

Sillybilly - I went through that phase with DS1. He has had his hair fairly long, though with grudging trims, since he was 8yo. He is now nearly 12yo...and has decided he wants his hair cut far shorter! Four bloody years of fighting to get it trimmed. Four years to get out of that 'phase'!

I find myself repeating the MN mantra all day long "It's just a phase, they'll grow out of it soon"!

(3yo DS3 being a PITA due to speech delay and having just hit the tantrum stage, late, due to development delay, 10yo DS2 doing the whole whiny refusal shite, and 11yo DS1 getting to the teenagery grunting stage...)

CouthyMow · 10/02/2014 07:59

This too shall pass, this too shall pass...

only to be replaced with something equally, if not more, fucking annoying...

Original poster

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 10/02/2014 09:20

Well amazingly ds1 was not the problem this morning (grateful for small mercies!)

Ds2 on the other hand was a gremlin. First sore belly, then sore foot, then just "waaah" for no reason then no breakfast then refused to walk to school with ds1 so ds1 had to hover behind for a few minutes. (We live next door to school so walking to school consists of walking out the back door and turning left about 30 metres down the alley.)

OP posts:

thinking101 · 10/02/2014 09:34

You see I feel such a shouty cowbag. When I get up I'm immediately on 'alert mode' to fight (I'm sorry but thats how it feels) to get him clean, fed and dressed to school on time.

Now he got washed and everything ok, he didnt whinge about getting up, having to go pee etc. You know these essential functions we have to prompt them to do I had a little shout as I gave him a frehly pressed top to put on I dont know what he did but I turned and it was all crumpled in a ball. He said he tried to put it on over his PJ top.

So...he gets the top on im saying tuck in please x3 he kept saying sorry then 'why do I have to keep saying sorry' Effectively blaming me for him saying sorry repeadtedly when I had only asked him to tuck his top in. We get this a lot, he does wrong then can be quite clever in being cheeky/turning it around to being your fault. I did rant at him I hadnt asked him to say sorry I had asked to tuck his shirt in....so you don't you dare make cheeky comments to me. I pointed out his saying sorry was irrelevant to my request. Oh my blood pressure

I swear he is not in touch with what is happening around him.

We got to school on time and overall that wasnt too bad as he showered at pool late yesterday so didnt need to do that carry on this am.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/02/2014 14:58

Oh God its just reassuring to hear that we're not the only ones. DS got up first today and went on his 3DS. I got up 10 minutes later and asked him 3 times to get dressed.

He walks into the kitchen, still in his pyjamas and asks what's for breakfast. Ask him why he isn't dressed and he says "I don't feel like getting dressed". I say "fine, I don't feel like getting your breakfast either". Cue full on Horrid Henry behaviour.

DH walks in and says fine, we're not going to ask you to get dressed or do anything. When you are ready we'll take you to school and if you are late, we'll take you to the head teacher. DH gets his breakfast and sits down.

DS is quiet for about one minute then becomes his old self again and get ready nicely.

Dd then gets up and it all starts again as apparently she is poorly and we can't send her to school...

thinking101 · 10/02/2014 23:08

Well things have come to a head here.

DS - homework needs doing, now he didnt want my help on Sat. He did tonight when DD was blaring to go in the bath. He also ignored repeated requests to do things on three seperate occasions. I really dont think he ignored actually, just not concentrating or 'there'.

We have taken wii off him and no access to iPad. This is not a punishment, we have explained to him we think too much is affecting his concentration. It's all he wants to do at the expense of other things like lego, creative stuff (he likes to make thing and hasnt been) so more books to be read which he gets into when prompted he like non fiction.

Its parents evening tomorrow. I'm dreading it tbh - I never have before.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/02/2014 23:17

Sorry about that thinking. Hope tomorrow is as bad as you think.

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