Discipline - Sent to bed 2 hours early and with no tea

[youngwidow]

I've just sent my five year old to bed with no tea after misbehaving during her Spanish tuition. (She was brought up bilingual until I moved us to the UK - from Spain - after the death of her Father, so the classes are to not lose her Spanish). She's a good kid, lively but clever and normally pretty good behaviour and she knows she has done wrong. For the last three weeks it has been one (more minor) punishment or another after her tuition. She would not behave like that in school - ever. I have never sent her to bed more than 45 minutes early and always had her tea. Am I wrong to do this? No treats, no tv etc. have not worked.

Did you investigate parenting courses?

There are some good ones around that might help with parenting strategies. They're usually good for sharing ideas and getting specific help for different situations.

It will also help you to see it from your child's perspective.

If you don't fancy that a good book is, "how to talk so children will listen and listen so children will talk". With a lot of worked examples.

Why don't you:

• get a Spanish au pair to come and live with you? She can talk in Spanish to her in fun way ie playing/ interacting

• Spanish books ( she will be able to read soon if not yet)

• spanish DVDs

• arrange a Skype Convo 2 times a week with grandparents

• Spanish story tapes

• visit Spain if you can during holidays

( our children are growing up trilingual and these are things we do. Only one main language is spoken at home, one at school, one with family)

She is a baby

Her loosing her Spanish will be the least of your problems if you teach her that food is a punishment/reward.

Why don't you just advertise for a Spanish speaking friend for her to play with in your area? This is what some friends of mine have done recently and it is working well for 2 reasons. A new friend in a strange country and happy normal play speaking rather than instruction.

I agree that "how to talk so children will listen and listen so children will talk" is brilliant. I find it really helpful with mine - just makes you think of things from a different perspective. Laid-back parenting may be a disaster, but so too can too strict be. It can erode the relationship if the punishment doesn't fit the crime IMO, and if you blow your powder on mild behaviour like this, what do you do when she really does something awful?

Also agree that a Spanish au pair might be good if you can afford it. If you can't but have a spare room, maybe take in Spanish students here to learn English, over the holidays? You can specify girls, and friends who do that usually find they are brilliant with their small kids - many still Skype with them after going home. That way the Spanish stays a positive memory, rather than turns into a chore associated with punishment.

I do think the behaviour you describe is pretty mild for such a massive punishment, too. She wasn't rude or stroppy - just popped out without good cause a couple of times? She's a tiny child still, and tired after school. An hour is too long at that age, and she'd do better with pure play at weekends with a native speaker, I suspect.

Here's a link to the book on Amazon, in case you like the idea.