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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Am I being mean considering nursery for 3 year old because..

36 replies

Slightlyneuroricnat · 05/01/2014 14:59

Her sister who is 10 months older is starting?
Feel pretty bad about it as I wouldn't have used any other childcare settling for my eldest apart from the school nursery to settle her into school where she has her place for September.
Her sister, 10 months younger will go the following year.
I'm becoming more and more aware that this is the last year I will get any time on my own with my eldest before she starts reception next September and am considering putting my youngest in a pre school a few mornings a week so I have that time on my own with my eldest.
I also don't want my eldest to feel pushed out or like she has to go somewhere but my youngest doesn't.
Any advice?

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AwfulMaureen · 05/01/2014 15:17

I think I understand it like this...you want to send the youngest to nursery for a few days a week so you can have alone time with the eldest before she begins the preschool attached to her primary of the future?

Is that it?

I think it's a bit unnecessary. Your oldest had time alone with you before her sister was born. I think it's a bit precious to worry that the oldest will feel pushed out....you're viewing her starting nursery/preschool from a negative perspective./...as though it's a "bad thing" when in fact you could sell it as an amazing and wonderful thing which only she is old enough for.

AwfulMaureen · 05/01/2014 15:18

Also in not wanting your eldest to feel pushed out you are effectively pushing out your youngest!

Original poster

Slightlyneuroricnat · 05/01/2014 15:28

Yes 10 months of time alone until my youngest was born.
Thanks for your comment, not trying to push my youngest out at all, just aware that come next September my eldest be in school 6 hours a day and my youngest only 2 1/2 hours at the attatched nursery.
So this will be my last year to have any one on one time with my eldest, that I will have with my youngest 5 days a week when she starts nursery

OP posts:

Thurlow · 05/01/2014 15:32

There's nothing wrong with sending the two children together, especially if there is only 10 months difference between them but... I think I'm confused, you want to spend time alone with your eldest but not with your youngest?

cate16 · 05/01/2014 15:55

Why not send both? Maybe three sessions each.. One session they both go- you get some time alone, then they each do two days at setting and two days 1-2-1 with you?

AwfulMaureen · 05/01/2014 16:00

That's what it sounds like Thurlow but I don't think the OP has seen it that way....OP do you see Thurlow's point?

OddBoots · 05/01/2014 16:08

I think given the differing session lengths the youngest will have one-to-one time while the oldest is at nursery all day so this is a case of wanting to give them each one-to-one rather than only the eldest.

Thurlow · 05/01/2014 16:34

I've been thinking about this and I kind of get where you are coming from. But I also think it's normal. You get 1 on 1 time with your first born when they are little, but that's it really - if you have any more DC you don't get that same quality 1 on 1 time with them, nor do you get 1 on 1 time with your first DC anymore.

Cate's suggestion sounds very good.

Original poster

Slightlyneuroricnat · 05/01/2014 16:40

I don't think you understand what I mean.
My youngest Will have 3 hours alone with me 5 days a week every week every afternoon 12-3

OP posts:

Thurlow · 05/01/2014 16:43

Possibly not! So your DD2 would be going to nursery, but your DD1 would be staying at home, and this would carry on for the next 10 months until DD1 starts pre-school?

Original poster

Slightlyneuroricnat · 05/01/2014 17:32

No not at all!
Sorry maybe haven't explained very well
My eldest daughter turned 3 November so she will go to the nursery attatched to the primary school this September coming at 3 years 10 months for 3 hours 5 days a week every afternoon
My youngest daughter will be 3 end of sept so I am considering sending her in September to a private pre school a few mornings a week to have some one on one time with my eldest.
Obviously I'd have to pay for this for sept to jan and then her funding would start.
Does this make anymore sense? X

OP posts:

insancerre · 05/01/2014 17:39

I really don't see the point.
In septemeber you want to send your youngest to pre-school for the morning so you have some time with your oldest as she will be going to nursery in the afternoons.
So your day will be spent going backwards and forwards to 2 different nurseries?
Just send them both to the same place at the same time. They will both benefit from the experience and you will have some free time.

TheNumberfaker · 05/01/2014 17:43

No you're not being mean at all. I cannot even begin to imagine how you've coped. Do it.

TheNumberfaker · 05/01/2014 17:46

But is there no way that DD2 could go to the same nursery.you'll still be toing and froing but at least you'll be able to swap girls at the same place.

Original poster

Slightlyneuroricnat · 05/01/2014 17:50

No they can't go to the same as the eldest is starting the school nursery which I really think will benefit her as she's quite a sensitive child so think she would do better having familiarised herself with the environment etc before starting full time.
She will go 12-3 Monday to friday
Was thinking of putting my youngest in Monday Wednesday and Friday 9-1 or something like that in a nursery as pre schools only genereally do 3 hours

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 05/01/2014 17:50

I'd keep them both with me all day every day as I don't like childcare or most schools

crazykat · 05/01/2014 17:56

I couldn't do it but each to their own. Only my eldest had me to herself for a year till ds1 was born. Ds1 and dd2 have never had one on one time. Ds2 will after next week when dd2 starts nursery. It's never been something I've thought about as it just what happens when you have more than one pre-school aged child.

I doubt you'd get much one on one time with your eldest anyway with three school runs a day. I had and will have three school runs to drop three DCs at school, pick dd2 up at lunchtime then pick the eldest two up after school.

By the time I've got back home in the mornings I have and 90 minutes max before I have to leave to pick up dd2. Then have 90 minutes again before I have to pick the others up.

Original poster

Slightlyneuroricnat · 05/01/2014 18:14

Yes I see your point completely.
I just thought if I dropped the younger one of somewhere that there would be less resentment ( if there is any, maybe I'm just worrying ahead of time for no reason

OP posts:

Thurlow · 05/01/2014 18:18

I can sort of see where you're coming from but I.also don't entirely think it's fair. Not unless you genuinely think your younger DD would benefit from nursery? I'm pro socialising and nursery and all that, but something about this idea just feels a little unfair

Original poster

Slightlyneuroricnat · 05/01/2014 19:17

Thurlow
I agree with you and if it didn't feel unfair to me too then I wouldn't be asking this question so I'm right with you.
I never wanted either going anywhere prior to the school nursery, I just think because they are so close in age my eldest is going to wonder why suddenly she goes somewhere and my youngest doesn't have to.

OP posts:

Thurlow · 05/01/2014 19:39

My DC isn't that age so I'm not there yet, but would your DD1 be happy with the idea that it's something that 'big kids' do? Which it is. It must be difficult having them so close in age, but they are really doing what all sibling DC's will do at some point - one DC is older and goes to pre-school or school before the other one?

NoComet · 05/01/2014 19:46

DD2 did one day a week at nursery from 18 months old.

That way I got a morning to shop, dentists, opticians or just to breath (I find small DCs very wearing) and DD2 got me to herself in the afternoon.

This suited everyone, DD2 is really sociable and loved nursery and DD1 absolutely isn't and liked mummy to herself.

Original poster

Slightlyneuroricnat · 05/01/2014 21:02

I'm hoping it goes that way to be honest, she has days where she asks to go to school and days where she wants To stay at home with me or asks me over and over if I can go with her to school :(
Even if she thoroughly enjoys it I'll just feel bad that as a toddler / child child she never had any time alone with me.
I guess this is the downside of such a small age gap

OP posts:

Original poster

Slightlyneuroricnat · 06/01/2014 09:25

Maybe I'm just worrying over nothing!
Just thought it would be nice to have some time with my eldest like I will with my youngest but factoring in all the drop off / pick ups im not sure we would get much time together anyway :-(

OP posts:

AwfulMaureen · 06/01/2014 09:39

It's so normal to feel worry about the change...but it will be SO fine honestly. It's just the first real change that happens as a parent. You and the DDs have so much to look forward to in this new phase....party invitations, learning cool things, school concerts and trips...it's really fun when it all starts to happen.x

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