My lovely HV has been here for ds's 2 year check. I told her that HVs are (by and large)despised on MN.Can you post with examples of their idiocy,especially with regard to breastfeeding? I am going to print the thread and pass it on.

[moondog]

Ok....

when I was a stressed,first time but older Mum with a baby who didn't know or care about the difference between night and day, I broke down in tears and the HV said " I never get this sort of trouble from the teenage Mums" (...well no, you wouldn't- they live at home with their own Mums, and probably bottle feed so that their family can help out, and don't have a full-time job to hold down)

when I had the PND questionnaire she glanced at it and said " you're borderline for PND, you'd better see someone about that"....and left it. Did not mention it to my GP, refer me to anyone, or get back to me and check up on me a few weeks later. If it hadn't been for a friend of mine who did pop in regularly and give me time for a bath and a cup of tea, I would have been round the twist

the old chestnut- how do I persuade my 6 week old baby to sleep at night? "Top up with formula"

Oh, and "your baby is jaundiced"- two weeks post caesarean I had to drive myself to hospital (dh at work)and lug dd up to the children's ward to be told, no she's not, she's just pale like you)

I firmly believe that HVs should be MADE to attend an extensive breastfeeding counselling course before appointment; mine spouted so much rubbish, that I feel sorry for those people in this area who do not have access to the Internet,or the resources to find out for themselves about how to do it!

One HV left me with a pile of leaflets "for someone to read for you"

I am convinced that because I was 22 and in a council flat, there was an assumption of illiteracy, and it left me with a long-standing fear that I give the impression of being an inadequate mother.

I had raging PND to boot. baby was only 3 weeks old.

Well sorry this isnt an HV story as we dont have HV's here this refers to a Paediatritian of all people. DS was born with a serious bowel condition and had had extensive time in hospital and surgery. The third time in hospital she told me that it was normal for babies to vomit projectile style bright yellow and to curl up in a ball screaming in pain and to get over with it and stop wasting hospital time!

When ds2 was about 3/4wks old and I had just got rid of second lot of mastitis and was feeling a little low about it all having fed ds1 for 11mths with no probs atall, HV told me it was obviously too difficult for me and to put him on bottles and just stop feeding and wear a good supportive bra I pointed out that just stopping from full bf to nothing might not be a good idea esp after 2 lots of mastitis already she told me not to be silly and it would be fine!

I ignored her

I once had such a crap health visitor that I asked for another one and it turned out lots of others thought she was rubbish and it kicked off a big disciplinary hearing. I have also yet to come across a HV who has had children You would think it was a prerequsite!

When DS1 was 4 months old, I asked the hv to come to see because he was stopping drinking milk.
I had started weaning him because I found he was getting hungrier (Not surprinsigly as he didn't drink as much milk) and was struggling to find way to make 'eat' some milk. DS1 also had bad exczema by that time.
HV : Oh some babies just don't want to take a bottle, you should try a cup (He was bottle fed from 3 days old ...) Carry on giving him some baby rice.
About a week later, saw the HV again at the clinic. DS1 was hungry, I started to give him a bottle which he took but half way started to scream obviously in pain.
HV : Oh it's a cold - go to see your GP to have him checked over.
Of course no worry about the cold but noboddy and especailly none of the hv present ever suggested that it could be linked with the milk he had just bing drinking.
He was allergic to dairy products ... Thanksfully self diagnosed afetr some researh on exczema.

Yes southeastastra there are some really fantastic hv. I had one when DS2 was born but I am convinced that the 'not so good' hv are actually doing more harm than good.
My first hv actually convinced me that I had no reason to be worried for DS1 and to think that something was wrong. First child, so no ways to compare his behaviour to the one another child. I convince myself I was overreacting - He was allergic to cow's milk ...
Also leaving wo support or check a mum that is talking about PND and is asking for some help is NOT an adequate behaviour. Some women have had thouhts of suicide in circumstances like this.... And then what ? Would she have just carried on like before ?

My HV accused me of neglect as she had,nt heard my ds then 3 talk to her everytime she visited,although he spoke in and outside the home.She referred me to social services and said he had dyspraxia .All this was nonsense as was confirmed once the SALT got invovlved.I had PND and was suffering panic attacks and she therefore said I had causeed my DS's problems.It was,nt until he started school that they recognised he had a problem with speech and he did'nt talk in school.He was then seen by a speech therapist and started speech therapy.It later emerged he had selective mutism and a spech and language problem.
The case was obviously dropped and the SALT could not believe it had happened in the first place.She was very supportive to me and made me realise that I was not the cause of my sons problems although I still feel guilty about it to this day.

I am still very bitter about this and wish I had made a complaint at the time.Now I know more about my DS's problem and realise they are genetic not enviromental I feel more angry but am relutant to bring a complaint now and drag all the emotional hurt up again.The HV did a lot of damage to my self esteem and also a complex when I take my ds to school as because social services were involved the school had to know.
I still think people at the school must think I am a bad mother.

How awful for you buunyhops, you poor thing.I really don't know where these people do their training. I remember hearing something about them being nurses who couldn't do anything else. I'm sure you are NOT a bad mother but a good one with bad experiences and who has had terrible' advice'

this thread is making me glad we don't have HVs here.
That said, I did have a run-in with a paediatrician when ds was 2 months old - he threatened us with formula if ds (gaining consistently, albeit a tiny bit on the slow side) didn't put on an absolute minimum of 130g a week - and this after we'd spent the first 4 weeks of his life struggling to get away from the topping-up the hospital had emotionally blackmailed me into giving . Needless to say we didn't give formula, and ds carried on gaining slowishly but happily.

Thanks spacedust.
I know deep down I am not a bad mother but I still feel very shameful that this happened at all and that my family and the school know about it and I get paranoid that other mothers know as well and I think they are looking at me in a strange way and talking about me.Of course these people may just think "that's the mother who was referred to social services" without knowing the full facts.
This happened about a year ago and wonder whether it's to late to make a complaint now.

Thanks spacedust.
I know deep down I am not a bad mother but I still feel very shameful that this happened at all and that my family and the school know about it and I get paranoid that other mothers know as well and I think they are looking at me in a strange way and talking about me.Of course these people may just think "that's the mother who was referred to social services" without knowing the full facts.
This happened about a year ago and wonder whether it's to late to make a complaint now.

Mine is lovely but the first one from a different practice just came in, admired the crocheted shawl I had DD wrapped in and said I should consider going back to work part time in case I lose my skills. DD was about 2 weeks old at the time, she had no idea what my previous job was so how could she tell if it was skilled or not and what sodding business is it of hers, what I intend to do with my career!!!!

Not much other than that really.

As far as I know there is no time limit on it. You have nothing to lose and it might well feel you are taking back some control over the situation. You could easily say your reason for not coming forward sooner was because of your fellings of shame etc. Wouldn't it be dreadful to think that this horrible, incompetent women was damaging other mothers in the way she has done to you? At least in reporting her you can begin to' fight back' and presumably you would have the support of the salt?

Thanks for the advice spacedust.
I had wondered that myself if she was putting other mothers through the same misery with her ignorance.
In fact the more I think about it ds's speech problems should have been picked up sooner by her at his 2 year check and assesments after that.Instead of exploring all avenues to his lack of speech she pointed the finger at me.Totally incompetent.
I did think to say her when she kept commenting on ds's lack of speech that maybe he just did't like her.

Also on her visits when she was commenting on ds's lack of speech he was in earshot of the conversations which I now know for people suffering with selective mutism is a bad thing for them to hear as it puts extra pressure on them.Her being the so called expert should have been aware of this.She was someone I turned to for advice and confided in about my PND and I feel I was stabbed in the back.
If I had that time again I would never confide in HV again I would suffer in silence.

I know there is some good HV out there as mumsnet has proved when I got advice from one on here last year,she was very supportive.

Not much advice received in breastfeeding, she only asked me if I was enjoying breastfeeding and when I said I were having such bad time she only said "It's OK, nothing will happen if you bottlefeed him" although I have to say that I was so feed up with the pain and not even been able to hold the baby due to soreness, that I would have stopped even if she had suggested something (I thought I have tried everything)

However, I could write a full thread in misguided allergy and nutrition advice. Including a "wait a month and try again" when the baby was having a severe allergic reaction on skin contact with milk.

My HV took no interest in me or DS whatsoeverI don't think it was so much that she was useless, more that she was completely overworked and there were just so many babies for her to deal with, and DS didn't have any obvious problems. She must have been close to her retirement tooshe'd been an HV for over 25yrs. Did worry, though, when I told her that DS had been given a homeopathic remedy which was helping him with teething, and she asked 'which one?'. But it wasn't camomila she'd never heard of, it was homeopathy!

" the HV said " I never get this sort of trouble from the teenage Mums" (...well no, you wouldn't- they live at home with their own Mums, and probably bottle feed so that their family can help out, and don't have a full-time job to hold down) "

I'm breastfeeding, living on notalot with DP who works full time and have a mortgage. Don't give in to the teenage mum stereotype!(sorry to rant)

P.S. My health visitor told me to formula feed at night (ignored her) and seems confused about why she's in my house on every visit.

Our HV forgot the 12 month check and came round once reminded while I was at work. Dd was about 18 months and bang on average weight. On being told she had fruit after every meal for pudding, the HV told my nanny to give her more puddings, especially custard ! Hello ?!

I had my HV round today and we had an MMR debate well her debate was "Alot of intelligent people think there's some big conspiracy in the NHS with the MMR but I can assure you there's not" Hmm yeah because she'd be the first person they'd tell if there was. Incidently I didn't even say there was a conspiracy just that I didn't know whether to go for singles or not for dd who still hasn't had the MMR at 3.

She has also given me the most confusing weaning advice form ever.
It states:

Not ready before 6 months as they:

Can't maintain posture
Baby unable to move food from front to back of mouth
Kidneys may not be adequately developed to withstand solids
Gastro-intestinal tract may not be fully developed

Then the next title is 4-6 months:

Pureed
Fruit
Vegetables
Cornmeal
Rice
maize
millet

WTF?

booo, no offence intended, I was talking about the average 14 year old Mum around here!

My HV only came to see me once. However, she must have had a moment of panic later on (can't remember when as my dd2 is now 11), because she rang me and asked me lots of questions about her - clearly filling in a form as she went. I never heard from her again. I have see her though - washing her car at 3.30 pm on her drive or shopping at Sainsburys at about 3 pm. I have often thought of training to be an hv myself.

Ldh - I think that they are up against it to an extent as they need to advise you don't wean until 6 months but at the same time know many mothers will ignore that advice and want to make sure they do at least wean onto something not totally inappropriate. Kind of like the drugs issue where the official advice runs "Don't take Ecstasy ... But if you do then buy it from a reputable source and don't drink too little or too much water"

Just want to add my gratitude to Dee Field and Eileen Bleach of Leatherhead who helped me through the end of a ghastly pregnancy and the difficult early days with my dd. I needed emotional support through anxiety, depression, physical illness and most of all serious MIL problems. They gave more than I would ever have dreamed of asking and never made it seem like any trouble to them.

I've been lucky - had excellent HV especially for dd2. HV asked if it was OK to use me as an example for promoting b/f in talks she gave as I managed to b/f for over a year using nipple shields throughout - she thought this might encourage other mums to find 'their own way' of b/f. She told me not to worry about dd2's weight (she didn't regain birth weight till nearly 6 weeks old) so long as she was 'holding her own' and happy in herself.

HV with dd3 helped me find some info on ductal thrush and was also supportive with dd1's dyslexia and dd2's bed wetting - all at the same time.