How to tackle the presence of a computer in my DS's nursery room and its affect on DS?

[catchafox]

My DS is 2.6. We don't let him use the computer at home. We don't have an Ipad. He watches one or two short (10 min DVDs) at home every other day. I love computers and technology - I just don't want him becoming stuck on them too early.

In his nursery - which is wonderful, and we are v v happy with it - where he is 2 x a week, there is a computer in his room. I assume it's part of the Early Years programme. They show various programmes/educational stuff. They do lots of stuff with the kids, so I know it's not on all the time.

The other day we were told when we picked him up that he was very keen to get on it. They insisted he was only for five minutes (at a time?) and others wanted it, so they took turns. I made it really clear to the key worker that it's the last thing I want him to do while there. She really understood.

Today my DH dropped him off and he went straight to the computer.

I understand this is not everyone's bug bear, but this really concerns me.

I know I have to trust that the nursery hear my views but do I speak to them further about it? Ask them their policy on how long its on for? What we do about him if he is really grabby for it?

I think you are underestimating your child's ability to understand that different situations have different rules. He will already understand that things happen slightly differently at his grandparents' house, at friends' houses, at nursery. He will be accepting that computers are part of the whole nursery package, without expecting them to be available at home too.
So long as you are clear and consistent with your approach, I doubt you will experience too much conflict and the fact that he will be having to share the computer with his classmates for very short periods of time sounds like quite a healthy way of having those very early computer experiences.

I guess that it's a compromise, like everything else in life. There was a thread about a cm who wanted to pick her dd up from school and a mindees mum didn't like it.

Meh. The only way to avoid issues like this is to have them with you at all times.

Vinegar, if no one is saying that iPads are bad for young children, then why are some people so keen to keep their kids away from them completely?

As for habit forming, the word no is a useful one.

My 20 year old has spent most of the last 4 years glued to his computer, to the exclusion of pretty much everything else including friends (although he claims to have friends in the computer), decent A levels (he pretended to be working when he was in fact glued to the computer), getting a part-time job, and at times in his life even personal hygiene (although that might just have been a grubby teenage thing). He had a lot more friends and did a lot more things before he bought his computer. I certainly do believe that they are habit-forming in some people. I think he has a big problem and I feel utterly powerless to tackle it. He is an adult now but is showing a case of complete arrested development, for which I think the easy escapism provided by the computer is at least in part responsible. He has been able to avoid growing up in any significant way since his mid-teens. He is at university and seems to be doing well but he has put the brakes on the growing up process.

It is a perpetual worry.

OP I think you are being rather OTT too. Children will naturally be interested in computers and computers games no matter when they are introduced. It is our job as parents to limit screen and playing time as we see fit. If your son is using a computer twice a week for a short time I really don't see this as an issue or one which will lead to a habit being formed. My DC are 3 and 7 and they both enjoy using the various gadgets we have around the house but we also make sure that they do a variety of other activities too.

Perhaps you could agree a set time for each day he is in, say 15 mins, and then stress with him that computers are for learning and you use them at school.

Perhaps not your ideal, but might set it in his mind as part of his nursery activities, so he associates it with there and keeps home computer free.

your child is only at nursery twice a week? I'm sure he isn't on the computer all day long. I think you are overreacting and being a little controlling over this tbh.

Well we don't have an iPad noble, hence my DS not being exposed to them. I'm certainly not buying one just for him! They can be useful and interesting, they can also be habit forming and the cause of arguments. They certainly aren't essential for toddlers.

I would genuinely be astonished if any child growing up in the 21st century lacks basic computer skills. Is this really an issue in schools?!

OP I can see your concern in that your dc appeared to run immediately to the computer which might suggest he's been using it more than you would like.

I'd just have a chat with his key worker and say you noticed his interest and ask (without any accusation) whether he is showing a balanced interest in other things. It might be nothing but only the key worker can say if that was indicative of anything.

Technology is a strand in the EYFS curriculum. All EY providers should have forms of technology for children to use, this can range from a working computer or iPad to an old non-working mobile phone that can be used in role play. When inspecting OFSTED would expect to see ICT provision and although all of us in Education hate it we are governed by what they look for.

All children do need to develop an understanding of technology as they grow but as others have said good Nurseries will limit computer time and use it purposefully not as a way of amusing a child for hours. OP you have pointed out that your child's nursery do lots of other things so it is unlikely he is spending a lot of time on the computer. However they will need to let him play it sometime because of the style and ethos of EYFS but again this must be in moderation.

If you continue to be concerned then I would advise meeting again with staff and drawing up some kind of agreement with them. I did this with a previous child in my nursery who used the computer a lot at home so his parents asked that he use it less in Nursery. He basically was given a five minute turn and then strongly encouraged to move on to something else which he did.

Vinegar, it's not just your posts. Sometimes there seems to be a bit of hysteria about technology use in children, and sometimes there also seems to be a bit of snobbery and judging about those who allow it. 'Screen time' to refer to both TV and computer use is misleading too, as passive TV watching and interactive use of a computer are very different activities.

OP, you're really overthinking this. Nursery is probably the best place for him to have some access to a computer by virtue of the fact that his time will be limited by the number other children and it's use will be tied to the early years curriculum. Don't set it up to be something "forbidden" as he'll just go mad when he's able to access IT at school or a friend's house when he's older.

Catchafox, I feel the same.

I think it sounds quite positive in that the nursery understood your concerns. I'd be speaking to them again, just as I would if there was another activity at the nursery I did not want my child to participate in, and gauging how much this is something that can be reasonably managed. Maybe it cannot be, and maybe you will just have to accept it and try to balance it with your choices at home - but I don't see any harm in a frank discussion with the nursery staff about it.

noblegiraffe actually I disagree that it's misleading to refer to both TV and computer use as screen time, as this is not about the active/passive type of activity, but the physical effect of bright screens on eyes and e.g. the ability to sleep.

But we're talking exposure of longer periods e.g. an hour, rather than 10 minutes as would be the case in a pre-school or nursery.

What do you think a computer will do to him? Give him ADHD? Contaminate him with geek germs?

I think you need to stop being so precious. Your DS will use a computer in pretty much any educational setting.

"Give him ADHD? Contaminate him with geek germs"

I think that's a silly thing to say. And I also think I've made it clear what my concerns are.

Actually, vinegardrinker, we have had to ban chalk from the back yard because DS1 was unable to stick to rules about where he was allowed to use it without becoming argumentative.

Computer time has been far less of a battle, by and large, and he loves using the computer.

vinegar it's more about the disparity between children who have used/seen adults using a computer and know roughly how it works and those who don't.

All children will get to know how to use a computer eventually but those who are familiar with the technology (building up gradually etc) will move on to advanced skills faster, and that gap just increases. It's most noticeable where parents can't support their children either through not having the resources or not having the knowledge. At 2 all they need to really be learning is the causal relationships but they may as well do that in a fun and interactive way which also builds other skills. They're still learning them if they watch you use a computer but passively rather than actively.

5 minutes, twice a week, isn't a big deal. If it were hours at a time or he started systematically asking at home then I'd share your concerns because it can be habit forming, screen time can be negative, children can become addicted, but it can also instil healthy habits - 5 minutes at a time, nursery only, only educational games etc.

And whether it's an issue, yes, it can be.

Oh, I do love it when an OP tries to tell somoene what they are and aren't allowed to say on an open forum

catchafox, I'm not sure why, but whenever someone on MN speaks about their decision/desire to limit screen time, this happens...words like 'hysteria', 'over-thinking', 'controlling', 'precious', and 'snobbery' invariably follow. Don't take any notice. People do end up being quite judgy about it.

I suppose it's similar to people telling parents who choose a meat-free lifestyle that they're depriving their children of protein/making them weird and different to other kids/over-thinking issues.

Op -my DP works in IT, doing databases, websites and apps (and that is as far as my understanding goes...!) and started designing his own games with a basic computer and binary code when he was a teen. He has never felt the need for our young children to use a computer from an early age (although they have) as he says the skills can be picked up quite easily when they are older.

I also think computer use is habit forming as it is an intense experience with a strong Pavlovian response (rather like mumsnet) and children are particularly vulnerable to this

But...

You are in control - so tell the nursery you are worried that your son may become a bit obsessive about the computer leading to tantrums etc and ask them if they can set him clear guidelines on use (" can use it for this until egg timer runs out, and just on a tuesday and thursday")

And not all computer use is the same - there are some amazing things for children now which are really educational and fun, DD1 has learned her times tables and really improved her arithmetic through an online games package used by schools.

I'm being no more silly than you are by worrying that a few minutes using a computer, twice a week will create a technology addict, catchafox.

I completely agree with ubik's DH!

We live in the information age, some have said it is the most recent technological revolution.

It is better to embrace and teach children how to use it properly rather than make it a forbidden object. he probably m are a b-line for it as it is a new and novel thing to him. They love buttons on things etc.

The EYFS has changed since my DS went through it but they do have some standards on their related to technology.

Balance deary, balance.