How to tackle the presence of a computer in my DS's nursery room and its affect on DS?

[catchafox]

My DS is 2.6. We don't let him use the computer at home. We don't have an Ipad. He watches one or two short (10 min DVDs) at home every other day. I love computers and technology - I just don't want him becoming stuck on them too early.

In his nursery - which is wonderful, and we are v v happy with it - where he is 2 x a week, there is a computer in his room. I assume it's part of the Early Years programme. They show various programmes/educational stuff. They do lots of stuff with the kids, so I know it's not on all the time.

The other day we were told when we picked him up that he was very keen to get on it. They insisted he was only for five minutes (at a time?) and others wanted it, so they took turns. I made it really clear to the key worker that it's the last thing I want him to do while there. She really understood.

Today my DH dropped him off and he went straight to the computer.

I understand this is not everyone's bug bear, but this really concerns me.

I know I have to trust that the nursery hear my views but do I speak to them further about it? Ask them their policy on how long its on for? What we do about him if he is really grabby for it?

We have had this concern with our son too, when he moved into the preschool room. He became obsessive about the computer, even though his access at home is limited and monitored. However I had a chat with his keyworker, she showed me the excellent educational programs, she also worked hard to maintain his interaction appropriately. After a few weeks his interest waned, and as the summer kicked in they spent the vast majority of time outdoors. So all in all I think it was a positive thing for him.

He can't wait to move up to the next room where they have an interactive white board and printer!

I think you are overreacting. Ds 3.5 has a computer at nursery and it hasn't taken over his life- nursery has som much more going on. The computer as well isn't as inherently appealing to him as an ipad say with touch screen. Nursery ensures that DS spends time doing many different things and doesn't get addicted to anything (i had more concerns about him playing with the trains all the time). Also computers are interactive and can actually be social- I think TV/dvds are more of a concern than computers due to their passive nature.

It's not about showing off, it's about pointing out that it is normal to know about normal things, normal to obsess about things that are new and fun, and nobody's head has exploded yet. It's hardly showing off to say that normal kids know about the existence of normal things, is it?

bollocks would they me atva disadvantage. my eldest didnt use a computer until he was about six and yet is a whizz.now at 13 and into prog and all sorts.

ditto ds2 no use of them.until 5/6 and its been monitered since then and at 11 he is more than competent but use is monitered.

ditto ds3 who.is 8.

ds4 is 5 and just started using home pc or tablet occasionally but rarely and he has picked it up fine.

dd is two and doesnt use it, from watchung me she knows you swipe the screen, use keyboard and mouse etc but she doesnt play on them. she has no.need to and she will learn as she is older and at least then they have the understanding to.be careful with what is expensive equipment. she finds the talling cat app funny, but its just a toy/game. they dont need to use these things as toddlers.

op if you dont want him tp use it i would say or speak tp.them.about what you consider to be a reasonable amount of time to use it.

All you need to say is, please don't let him use it for more than a few minutes at a time. Then let them deal with it, it sounds as if they already have a policy in place.

Agree with you about the habit element, I think there is a middle ground.

Our middle ground is having a screen free home from Sunday evening - Friday afternoon. This offsets screen time at school where the kids are using screen based technologies as a learning tool.

Could you remove the screen time at home on nursery days?

Until we implemented this system I totally underestimated the impact of screens on my children. They now play games, chess, use their imaginations to build cubby houses. They interact, they read - things that we truly struggled to get them to do. I am delighted with the change in my kids. They no longer even ask for screens in the week and this is a much, much happier home.

So, he is on it for a tiny amount of time, 2 days a week?

TBH, if you want minute control over what your DS does all day every day you have to be with them all day every day.

Also, I think outright bans are the worst thing possible. Limiting time enables the child to use the computer in a regulated and controlled way. An outright ban simply makes it look more attractive. IMO it is far better to allow small amounts of time, strictly regulated. Then the banned item/activity does not become some sort of holy grail but just another ordinary thing - nothign special

I don't think 5 mins here and there of pc use at nursery is going to turn your ds into a 24hour, adult nappy wearing, WoW obsessive.

Presumably if you tell nursery you don't want ds to use the pc they will agree to your wishes but perhaps it isn't fair to put the onus onto them into getting a 2.6 year old to understand that the reason all the other dc can play but he can't is because his parents have concerns that at some unspecified point in the future he might become addicted to computer games.

I'd be equally concerned about a child becoming obsessive about any single toy/activity, and expect a decent nursery to try and encourage them to play with a range of things.

Having said that it isn't obvious to me from the OP how long he has been getting obsessed by it, if indeed he is.

I really have no interest in my DC knowing French counting and computers at 2, or 2.6. Clearly you're a different sort of parent Colditz. Don't feel the need to add anything else to this thread, your views have been heard but they're not anything that are going to make me think.

They are more fun than a blackboard because a blackboard is not interactive and is hopelessly limited in what it can do.

An iPad isn't bad because it can do more stuff than a blackboard and is hence more fun.

My DS recently spent ages framing and carefully taking photos of his toys on the iPad. Totally came up with it himself. We're going to try a bit of stop-motion animation next. Oh, but it would be better if he were restricted to a blackboard and chalk.

IIRC the nursery is obliged under EYFS and Ofsted standards to (a) have computers available and (b) allow children to choose their own activities. So you're probably on a hiding to nothing here. If you're determined not to let him touch a computer in a childcare setting then get a part-time nanny, who doesn't need to comply with those standards.

My older two went to nursery and used computers (they drew lines, and typed letters from their names, and chose features for aliens). They aren't particularly fussed by computers now - they use them at school but maybe a couple of times a week at home, and they don't use game consoles. In fact I'm now trying to get my 8yo at least more interested as I think it would be good for him to learn some more coding than he's picked up through Scratch at school.

It is all a question of balance. Too much screen time is wrong, but so is banning it.

I sounds like the reason he is grabby for it, is because you are making it into something restrictive that he can't have. I can't find the article now, but read a brilliant piece linking lots of research about ipad and television use and the effect if had on children. What the research found was the interactive nature of technology these days actually was beneficial compared to the old days of simply staring at a screen. We have a family ipad that is downstairs. DD (3.5) is allowed to use it whenever she likes, some days she'll play it, others she won't, same with the TV, it gets played wi as much another toys and she moves on when she is bored. Obvs we have parental controls on it, she can't buy anything on it and we have chosen the apps that are available.

As a secondary teacher, children who are 'banned' from much screen/technology use at home are the first ones to set up secret Facebook accounts etc.. 90% of our year 8 have Facebook or other social networking accounts, yet about 70% of parents are adamant their child in year 8 doesn't do this because they don't let them. I know your DS is only 2.6, but as with all children I really think that ad soon as you severely restrict / ban things you make them much more interesting to them so IMO YABU.

It doesnt need to be all or nothing, the nursery has a computer, your son is only there for a couple of mornings a week. Im sure the nursery dont let him play on it all of the time, so I think your worrying about nothing really. To him its another toy he plays on occassionally, itll do him no harm to be familiar with a computer but with such little use I cant see it becoming habit forming.

But he's only using it for a few minutes. The only other thing you can do is say he can't use it at all but this might hinder the activities the nursery has planned.

No PC use at home will be definition restrict his use.

You don't need to be snarky to Colditz by the way. She wasn't rude to you.

I hear all your points and I do take them on board. Especially the bit about restricting him to the point where denial becomes a catalyst for his wanting it.

Thanks for all these views; it's been good to hear (most of them)

Well, I think Colditz was rude and unnecessarily in my face

OK, so leaving aside the whole rights and wrongs of computers, to get back to your question of how to handle the nursery:

What PatriciaHolm said ^^

He is there for 2 days a week. You already know they limit the childrens' time on it (as they would for any activity). So he went to it first one time when you dropped him off. That doesn't mean he's formed a habit it's not crack . You don't need to worry about it but simply trust them to do their job. If your child is in child care you have to be able to let go of some of the minutiae of their care.

noble - noone has said iPads are bad. You are creating a straw man argument.

Are they habit forming? MN threads passim say absolutely yes.
Does that mean they should be banned - No
Does a 2 year old need access to computers or they will never learn to use technology? Of course not

If you have decided that because you've disagreed with something one person has said, you aren't going to think about anything else they say ever, you're going to have a rough time as your child grows up, grows intohisnown personality, his own set of wants and preferences, and grows out of your control.

The silliest thing you could do in your life is close your mind to thinking about other ways of doing things.

Ps ... Perhaps you're having problems interpreting my tone ... I gave you parenting advice, I didn't instruct you to jump off a cliff and your rude and over reactive behavior, although .... enlightening .... was unnecessary.

Fluffy - yes, I am going to trust them and also check in with them about it. I know it's not crack, i know I am projecting my middle class neurosis. I will find a balance and accept that I can't always have control of what he does - which I think is healthy, don't get me wrong, just everyone has their bug bears - brings me full circle to my original post!

(The blackboard discussion came about because someone was claiming there was no difference between a blackboard and a computer. Which is a nice idea but quite obviously not true).

Colditz, please, enough. I accept you have views. I am always happy to hear from others. I just don't like your tone. And if it's my problem interpreting it, then so be it.

I have to make my 4 year old do his "homework" on the ipad. I make up the homework, just phonics apps. He earns the right to go draw by completing levels.
We are so backwards!