Got the thing below from a website. Although it's american so a bit cheesy, it's not rubbish and "wouldn't work in the real world" as we always do this with our nearly 3yo ds2. When he doesn't want to go into his car seat, we ask why not and he invariably says because I want to play with the buttons. So we say ok, tell me when you're ready but we do have to go soon as need to cook dinner etc. He plays with buttons and then after a while he says ok, will go into carseat now. Unbelievably the longest we've ever had to wait is 7 minutes. The 1st time we did it when my DP was struggling to strap him in we couldn't believe it...
We walk to most things where time is an issue like school etc but if we're just going out somewhere, and there is no time urgency, we do this. Whenever I feel extremely frustrated with my dc, I try to think how I would treat a friend I was out with who didn't want to leave at the same time as me....
An ?Unconditional Surrender?
I remember a particularly stress-filled evening when my first child, Olivia, was two years old and she refused to get in her carseat. We were on our way home after an all-day excursion and had just stopped at a gas station. My wife and I were exhausted and we just didn?t have the energy for a struggle.
But old habits die hard, and I struggled anyway, eventually trying to force her into the carseat. And she ? bless her fiery heart ? would have none of it! She fought with every fiber of her being to uphold her dignity, until I finally gave up. I surrendered. But I was not defeated; I simply realized that I could have a much better time doing anything other than fighting my beloved child.
So I relaxed and told her she didn?t have to get in the carseat. I decided that I was willing to wait patiently in that parking lot until she was ready to buckle up and go, voluntarily. I told myself, ?I don?t need conditions to change in order to feel peace now,? and I looked for something ? anything ? more pleasant to focus on.
My solution was to rest my chin on the steering wheel and indulge in the simple pleasure of people-watching ? there were plenty of interesting people coming and going about the gas station. (This isn?t rocket science! Just reach for any thought that brings relief or feels better when you think it.)
Meanwhile, my daughter, feeling the shift from resistance to freedom and lightness, dawdled and tinkered with the various knobs and buttons in the car for about three minutes. Then she climbed into her carseat and let me buckle her in without protest.
I believe this rapid return to peace was, in part, due to the fact that I was willing to wait ?forever? ? meaning, I was totally focused in the present. In other words, my unconditionality gave her the space and time she needed to find her own way. And with that sense of freedom, we both found a way that was in accord with our shared desire for peace, freedom, and respect.
My story illustrates the paradox in which unconditionality leads to positive changes in conditions, but it doesn?t work if your intent is merely to change the conditions! You?ve got to make a commitment to unconditionality for its own sake ? because you want the power to enjoy life under any conditions.
Our children give us ample opportunities to practice this, and sometimes they persist with undesired behaviors until we get it. It?s as if they?re saying, ?Mom, Dad... I?d really like to go along with you, but I?m going to wait until you?ve let go of the idea that I have to change for you to feel okay... I don?t want to deprive you of the wonderful feeling of knowing where your well-being really comes from.?
Unconditionality empowers you to create what you want from the inside out, while conditionality requires change from the outside in. When you truly shift inside, you can taste the deliciousness of well-being instantly, and any subsequent outer change is just icing on the cake.