two hours to get into the carseat(!)

[SocialConstruct]

I got home from work at 8pm last night because it took me more than 2 hours to coax, argue, force my child into the car-seat. He is 2 and a half.
We went through persuasion, force, explanation and then finally breastfeeding him to sleep and attempting to gently put him in 3 times before he would stay.

I am no push-over but I am amazed that it took me so long to get him in as up to now he's been fine. Is this normal toddler behaviour and do I just need to resort to chocolate buttons now?

[lougle]

I used to block her waist with my forearm while I waited, so I was holding her in the seat. If that failed, I would put one foot in the car and block her with my knee between her legs (not making contact unless she slid down, then the contact was only enough to stop her sliding further - no pushing my knee into her).

I didn't have the luxury of patience, to be honest. Busy car park, 2 under 3 and pregnant. Safety was the priority. Her ego came second.

[KateShmate]

It is just a phase OP, honestly! Once they get to 3 or so, they realise that they are going to have to get in the car either way, so they may as well do it. At 2 they still think you are going to give in and they'll get their own way.
Once something like this has happened, I think it's quite hard for you to think that he's not going to do it again, and therefore every time you go to put him in the car, you are subconsciously super anxious and half walking on egg-shells trying not to do anything that might provoke Ironing Board Toddler to make an entrance :) The key is to stay calm and firm - no 'shall we go and get in the car seat...' - but 'Off we go! Into your carseat!' and then just some gentle persuasion on the way, e.g. 'Ooh once we get home we'll be able to watch a DVD/get a snack' etc. At no point should you doubt yourself, otherwise he'll pick up on it and play up! "There's a little surprise in your carseat...!" also works pretty well sometimes!

Definitely no need for hitting children or any other kind of violence in the car - I had 5 children under 3yrs, and trust me I had many, many ironing-board toddlers, and have never felt the need to smack them. If your DS is in such a rage that is has gone on for 2 hours, but hitting him, he is not suddenly going to turn around and think 'Hmm.. mummy's right. My tantrum has gone too far now, I think I'll get in the car!' - it's going to add a huge amount of fuel to the fire and put you in a worse situation!
Knee acting as a barrier doesn't hurt them - 'kneeling' on them isn't really the right way to explain it - your knee doesn't even need to touch them unless they move, but a PP explained it well by saying that it's simply a barrier.
Good luck OP :)

[3boys3dogshelp]

I completely agree with pp who talked about giving 2 options, either of which gets you what you want. That method has worked wonders for my son who used to have big tantrums. So 'do you want to wear blue or black coat?' Gets everyone out much faster than 'put your coat on' in my house.
With the car seat problem I used to put a little toy in my bag, lift into car seat then give toy to hold while I fastened straps.
I don't disagree with people who restrain using a knee - I did that with my pushchair but I have a bad back and big boys and I just can't force them in the car, it hurts me!

[3boys3dogshelp]

Btw completely normal and just a phase!

[Didactylos]

lougle - your wait til they breath technique reminds me of putting the saddle on our particularly recalcitrant pony as a child!

[lougle]

There's a definite knack, Didactylos, isn't there? If you miss the window, you have to start again!

[BrianTheMole]

How do you hold them in the seat though? My ds slis down off the seat and Ito the well and with the straps totall loose he would have the space to do so.

hand pushing down on the car seat between legs. Stops then heading into the footwell.

[BrianTheMole]

*them

[defineme]

A knee on the chest isn't cruel-it's just an extra restraining limb like an arm. I have twins and a 2 yrolder ds:i often held onto one between my legs whilst putting a wriggler into a car seat.
You weren't crap, but you did misjudge how much talking to/explaining a 2 yrold needs and how, in the long run, they'll be happier if you (non violently) shove them in and get on with the the day.
|This is normal.
You were a bit of twonk, but we've all done something stupid when it's taken us by surprise.

[trixymalixy]

Tickling always worked for me when they tried the stiff as a board trick. You do need to be firm and the resistance was just a phase that hey got over eventually.

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Nothing to add but reading this thread just reminded me of this

Thought it may lighten the mood!

[wannabeawallaby]

Over two hours!

[amyboo]

I'm amazed how you can possibly take 2 hours to put a 2.5 year old in a car seat. I'm all in favour of a bit of bribery for some things, but certainly not bribery using sweets/chocolate, nor for something as mundane as getting in a car seat. DS1 is 3.5 and would happily behave like an idiot on that kind of thing if I let him. Instead, as others have suggested, on the odd occassion that it's been needed, I have wrestled him into the seat/buggy. With the buggy, I only ever had to do it once ad he got the message. It's not violence or hurting your child, it's parenting and showing them who's boss. Wilful 2.5 year olds turn into wilful 3 year olds, so if you don't deal with this kind of behaviour now it will just get worse...

[mummytime]

Sorry but there is too much cajoling and bribing, here.

I used to use knee in chest if I had to, but a major technique (which you had plenty of time for if it took you two hours) is ignoring. So make all passers by go away, and sit down with a book or my phone while waiting for them to sit nicely. No interaction. Then when they get bored, sit them in seat, tighten the straps and go.

If anyone came out of their straps we pulled over ASAP until everyone was safe again. (DH wasn't as good at that and would/will drive off before everyone is strapped in safely, it annoys me.)

Just don't fight.

If it is that easy to wriggle out, you might like to get it double checked, Halfords?

[YoniBottsBumgina]

Randall

Also this!

[RandallPinkFloyd]

[SocialConstruct]

RE the wriggling out - it's not easy. He contorts and squirms and eventually gets his arms out occasionally. The other night the straps were loosened.

Yes, thank you, I know two hours is too long. Thankfully he's been fine getting in ever since. It was just the one time, not a regular thing. He went ape-shit, once. It's fine now .

[SocialConstruct]

and... honestly, I KNOW I am not the only person with a kid who can get out of very tightly tightened straps.

[SocialConstruct]

Those cartoons made me laugh, and feel less alone. Thank you :)

[YoniBottsBumgina]

All children can get out because all children can suck their stomachs in and create a gap.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

5pointplus.com/

I realise it's a marketing website advertising their own product, but they seem to have nailed the problem IMO.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

5pointplus.com/about/how-does-it-work/

^ There you go, that's better than the video. I was looking for that page but it doesn't seem to be linked from their home page

[RandallPinkFloyd]

(Mine's a noodler, becomes completely limp like some sort of maggot. Kids are weird. Fact.)

[sesamechoc]

Hi

Can't sleep cos so hot so looking through mn and this is my 2nd almost identical posting to a different post - I cannot recommend Alfie Kohn's unconditional parenting enough. We've been doing i with our 2 boys 6 1/2 and nearly 3 since ds2 was born and the boys are thriving and we're enjoying parenting.It only takes 2 -3 days to read...

[ZenGardener]

I haven't read the whole thread but I wondered about trying one of those DVD players on the back of the seat? I'd do that and a small snack but then again I'm one if those useless, insipid mothers too ;)

For what it's worth they do grow out of this phase.