2 year old insult thread!

[Whatalotofpiffle]

My lovely little dd (2.4) has decided over the last couple if days that she much refers daddy, and I have been peppered with gems such as:

Sit in the kitchen mummy
Daddy will tell you off mummy, like you no!
Mummy stay here, come no
Like mummy, no!
Mummy eat num num with me. No
Mummy face disgusting

Ha ha!

I know she is only 2 but where has my delicious, cuddly baby who could not be without me gone!?!

Me and DH sat on sofa. DD ( 2.5) gets off and makes to leave. 7 yo big brother blocks her saying " what's the password, what's the password!" she looks confused so he prompts from Peppa Pig. " Is it .....Daddy's Big Tummy?"

An evil twinkle lights up her face." No! It's Mummy's Big Tummy! HA HA!"

Cowbag. She does take after me in tummy shape, though. Ha ha back, daughter.

My 2yo has a severe speech delay, but is still managing to tell me off - he wags his finger at me if I do something he doesn't like!

No like mummy. Mummy silly. Mummy naughty. Me no like.

Mine said " I think you need to go upstairs to your room and have some quiet time"

Fun thread!

DS tells me off all the time - and other people.

No mummy, Don't sit there, not your seat. That's MY seat.

Mummy, why eyebrows? Don't like them. (I pencil my brows

Don't press the button, not your stop! (To a rather scared little girl who had been idly pressing the stop button on the bus)

Mummy's silly, silly mummy pig (peppa reference, I hope)

NO! NO GREEN MAN, NO WALKING! NO WALKING ON ROAD!!! (To a grown man who crossed the road before the green man appeared. I've created a monster)

Peppa reference here too!

"No, naughty mummy pig oink"

He also picked up the word "sod" from some older kid at the playground so for a while everyone was a "cheeky sod" or "silly sod"

And not sure if this was an insult, a compliment or both but

"No, you no go work today mummy, you not very good at work, you only ok at mummy"

Let's not forget, wobbling my tummy shouting "jelly wobble, jelly wobble".

I don't like your smell.

Said after she got into my bed at 3am. Cheeky mare.

I've also had "bad choice mummy" but this is sometimes counteracted by "good girl mummy, well done"!

My DS is only 23 months and whenever he does a poo, he waves his hand in front of his nose and accuses his sister "X poo, X poo. Yuk!"

Ha ha ha!! Additions for today...

Mummy bum big
Mummy good at driving, no

Mummy go 'way (away).
He picked it up from a book, and I'm having to hold my tongue from replying 'no, you go away'...!

DD at 2 told me No mummy, no mummy, you DON'T talk

And yesterday DS 2.11 told me Your eyes have cracks mummy.

Hmmmmm

Peppa pig has a lot to answer for - my dd (2.3) has started saying any food I have cooked is "yuck".

Ha ha, this morning my dd said 'mummy line mummy' (pointing to 'laughter' lines)

Watching breakfast tv, DS (2.5) points at the screen and says 'ah, pretty lady'. I agree that she is, indeed, a pretty lady. DS then points gleefully at me and howls 'mummy is not a pretty lady, mummy is a spotty lady'. Cue unending hysterical laughter on his part. I am more like this

DS also seems to be developing into a rabid Tory. On a train recently, midweek, and a man gets on, obviously had been drinking heavily, still clutching a can, and promptly goes to sleep. DS peers angrily at him and starts his tirade 'what that man doing? That man sleeping. Why that man sleeping? Why he not at work? Man! Man! Why you not working? Go to work man, go to work!'

He kept this up for some time despite my frequent shushing and attempts to slide under my seat in embarrassment.

Oh that is hilarious!

No like mine Mumma!
Mumma go work, Dadda stay.
But it's not personal... Everything is no like at the moment... No like mine house!! Every time we go out and return home...

As I got dressed this morning, DD(2.1): "ha mummy look, your tiny boobies!"

Dd is 2.6 and a right stroppy little diva - I am her favourite parent unless I say no in which case she 'no likes me' and she 'will tell Dh, MiL, ds's teacher (?!)...'

Oh and her favourite is ' I no care anyway' just to show you that she hasn't been affected by anything you've done!

Oh and when she says love you at bedtime she whispers under her breath 'even though you smell of poo' and giggles manically (thanks ds)

DS is 3 so not 2 as the thread suggests... However he was "not impressed with you,Daddy"

Oh and not an insult as such but I gave in to the extra cuddle demand at bedtime tonight because her voice sounded all wobbly and she sees genuinely upset and when I picked her up she did the most sly grin ever and when I asked why she was smiling she said 'cos mummy I know you no be cross wif me when I do smiling with cuddles'

She was right though .

This morning: "Where Nana? I want Nana. Not you, mummy. Go away. Want Nana ... Nana's house ... Nana's car ... Nana got good car. You not got a car, mummy. Bad mummy."

Good to know he's a material boy.

Is it unreasonable that I opened this thread thinking we would be insulting our 2 year old for the day that mine gave me today???