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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Another child bit my child

145 replies

bordellosboheme · 22/04/2013 11:48

Hard on the finger. It has swollen up and is purple. My ds is 17 months and the offender is 6 months older and is a serial offender... Ds is such a gentle soul. I feel pissed off.... Talk to me please and help me feel better......

OP posts:

Original poster

bordellosboheme · 22/04/2013 11:50

Ps we won't be playing at her house again. She is a pretty mean child. Wish I'd followed my gut instinct and not gone on this playdate. I was really in two minds. Feel guilty for making the wrong choice as I knew she had issues and risked it

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Ledkr · 22/04/2013 11:53

Aw poor ds it's horrible when this happens but it is common for that she to bite and very upsetting too if its your child biting.
Stay away from them untill she's stopped biting.

NotTreadingGrapes · 22/04/2013 11:54

Issues? At 23 months?

Pots and kettles I'd say.

crumpet · 22/04/2013 11:55

My children have been biters and also been bitten. It's a phase many children go through and grow out of.

They are now 7 and 10 and we haven't had a biting incident in years

Ragwort · 22/04/2013 11:58

It's very, very common, happened to my DS - I felt sorrier for the child's mother - she was mortified and everyone kept staring at her and judging.

The worse thing was I offered a treat to my DS to make up for it and he chose to go to a soft play centre .

Original poster

bordellosboheme · 22/04/2013 11:59

Not treading grapes what on earth do you mean???? This child has biting issues. It was completely unprovoked

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IwishIwasmoreorganised · 22/04/2013 12:02

It happens. It's a phase that lots of children go through. I've had a child that has bitten and been bitten. It's not nice to be in either side.

I would get a cold compress on your dc's finger and move on. If you are friends with the other dc's parents, then I would try not to over react if you wish to remain friends.

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/04/2013 12:05

Its hard for your child when they're bitten - think all 3 of mine have been bitten at some point. But having known biters - well it was very very hard for their parents.

As others have said - many toddlers go though this stage - you just need to be very vigilant.

KLou111 · 22/04/2013 12:06

Awful awful awful!
My ds is now 20 months. At 17 months we were at soft play (only 5 of them there) and one little boy was picking on all the kids (he's was about 3 or 4). My friend was there and the boy pushed her girl, same age as my ds but still very much a baby ie not a competent crawler, very clingy etc.
A second boy came up to me and said the other boy had tried to hit him, then the boy pulled my ds's jumper as my ds came off the bottom of the slide.
Next thing I was talking to another little girl and my ds screamed the most awful scream I have ever heard, looked up and the awful boy had him blocked into the corner. I coaxed my ds to me as I couldn't get to him and the little fucker boy had bit my ds so hard on the cheek you could see every tooth, and it was blue!!!
I was livid! He still to this day almost 3 months on, has the bottom half of a mouth on his cheek. It doesn't look like a bite anymore, but a red curved line. If I ever see them again I don't know what's would do.
I was so shocked at the time, I went to get some ice and told his mum what he'd done, but didn't have a go at her as all I kept thinking was it so could have been easily have been the other way around, despite my ds being the kindest, affectionate little thing. They left as she was mortified, but my poor little man was in bits so I really couldn't have given a shite. Her son should have know better.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 22/04/2013 12:11

KLou. While what happened to your son sounds awful, it's not simply a case that the other child should have known better.

It is a developmental phase that lots of children go through. Being told off for biting once won't just stop it from happening again. It needs consistency and vigilance from all concerned and like every other phase, it will pass.

Imnotaslimjim · 22/04/2013 12:13

My DD was a biter, and as her parent it was horrible to see all her friends turn their backs. Apparently its mostly due to frustration, and once they can verbalise more (and boy can she verbalise now ) it does stop. DD hasn't bitten for 3 years or more

Francagoestohollywood · 22/04/2013 12:22

Issues at 23 months? Lots of toddlers bite. I am sorry for your ds, but I'd say that in a person's childhood it is likely to receive and also administer a bite.
There is no need to be pissed off for more than 2 minutes, really

ihearttc · 22/04/2013 12:25

My big DS1 (who is now 8) was a biter when he was that age...and I can assure you that he didn't have or doesn't have "issues" even now!

He bite out of sheer frustration as he had a significant speech delay and while other children all around him could ask for the toy etc he couldn't and would bite to get what he wanted. I used to constantly hover near him so that I could pre empt the situation.

As I said he is now 8 and is the kindest gentlest boy you would ever meet. I actually think it's kind of sad that you can't even see beyond the fact that it's a child that bites...I would say 99% of the time there are reasons behind it.

And I can promise you that however bad you may be feeling as it's your child that got hurt...the "biter's" mum probably feels a million times worse as if she is anything like me she is terrified to take him anywhere in case they hurt someone.

DS2 also has a speech delay but his "thing" is screaming at the top of his voice at a level which would break glass...still the same thing but his frustration has come out in a different way but equally annoying.

Original poster

bordellosboheme · 22/04/2013 12:33

Gosh, I can't believe how permissive people are about serious bites. They can cause serious infection and bruising. I have just had to go to the docs with him. If a dog had bit a child like that, you know what people would be saying.

It must be horrible to be the parent of a biter, but it's even worse to see your child injured and in pain.... I think parents of biters need to be more vigilant tbh.

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GoblinGranny · 22/04/2013 12:37

I agree that if you have a child who behaves unpredictably in social situations, biting or hitting, then as a parent you need to be extra vigilant and try and intervene before someone gets hurt.
Did you think that the mother of the biter was not being?

secretscwirrels · 22/04/2013 12:43

Oh get over it. They are both babies.

Your turn will come. Biting is not caused by bad parenting and 2 year olds don't have issues.

DS2 was a biter. I used to dread collecting him from nursery as there would be someone greeting me at the door with "He's bitten x today". It was a daily walk of shame.
One day we were at the airport and the boys were in the soft play area. A blood curdling scream rang out. My first thought was "oh no he's bitten someone". Then DS2 came out purple faced and yelling - with a huge set of teeth marks on his arm. I'm sorry to say I was delighted -that he was the bitee and not the biter.

colditz · 22/04/2013 12:49

Oh stop it. I've seen enough of these silly threads to last me a life time. Go on Wikipedia if yore bored, or, you know, go out?

Original poster

bordellosboheme · 22/04/2013 12:52

Bit nasty Colditz.... Aren't you

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MrsCampbellBlack · 22/04/2013 12:52

But its a toddler not a dog - what exactly are you advocating should be done to toddlers who bite?

My eldest was bitten on the face by a child when he was about 2 because they were arguing over a toy. Yes my son was upset and I wasn't overly impressed at teeth marks on his face but I knew the other child had done it out of frustration not because he was evil.

JimbosJetSet · 22/04/2013 12:55

DD was also a 'gentle little soul' at 17 months... It all changed around 2 years! Try not to judge too harshly, it may well be your child biting/hitting/ pushing in a few months time, and the shoe will be on the other foot (bitter experience )

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 22/04/2013 12:56

Jesus wept, I hate these threads, my child is perfect, she/he will never bite, hit, scratch, snatch, fart, scream, pull hair, bash etc etc...... whatever.

Clare123 · 22/04/2013 12:56

Welcome to motherhood and toddlerism. It happens - it's a stage - they are both learning and so are you.

NotTreadingGrapes · 22/04/2013 12:57

Seriously, you went to the doctors?

You are going to have one hell of a wake up call when your PFB starts nursery my love. You might want to start the counselling now.

colditz · 22/04/2013 12:57

No, I'm not. I'm fed up of the reaction seeking posts. If I am going to take the time to post a response, I want to know that it's a real person, having a real issue, not a bored woman rubbing her hands with glee at the thought of all the funny people getting cross at her post.

Original poster

bordellosboheme · 22/04/2013 13:02

It's a real issue actually Colditz. This is mumsnet I am posting about my sons finger which is bleeding, bruised and swollen and as a first time mum I am after advice about the practical and parenting side of biting. The majority have people have given me reassuring advice (thank you).

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