Two lots of tantrums is starting to wear me down. Wise words need.

[MissSusan]

Dts are 2.9, we are having a pretty hard time at them moment tantrum wise, I know it's just a phase and all pretty normal stuff. I have tried various coping techniques - crying in the kitchen whilst eating Nutella with my hands a spoon etc etc.

A lot of them are over things I have no control over - broken sticks or broken biscuits are a particular bug bear of theirs.
Or huge meltdowns because I give them breakfast in the wrong bowl or give them what the asked for but they have changed their mind in the 5 seconds it takes to pour a bowl of cereal
Is there anything I can do or is it just a waiting game, I really try to pick battles and encourage them to make choices.

What else can I do ?
TIA

Oh god, no advice but I can offer a hand to hold. DS is 2.3 and the tantrums are horrendous already, I cannot imagine what it must be like with 2 .

This evening DS had a full on screaming, rolling on the floor, head banging session for over half an hour because he didn't want a bath then didn't want to get out of the bath, then blah blah blah. I put him in the hallway and closed the sitting room door and asked him to calm down whilst I was crying, he just shouted, I don't want to calm down.

I also try to pick my battles but some things are just not up for discussion. It's getting to the point where I want out for a bit now.

And repeat THIS TOO SHALL PASS

Thanks it's tough isn't it.

I also feel like I want out for a bit, or just one day that's not dominated by tantrums.
We have the bath time tantrums too, I foolishly keep on buying fun bath time toys and nice smelling bubbles. I should really give them a cold bath and then they would be happy to get out

Oh can I hold hands too?
DD nearly broke me today :(
It took me an hour and a half to get her dressed. Screaming, wriggling, taking things off, I don't want to wear that. . . .
Sick of being late for work and already in a bad mood.

Guess they don't call it 'terrible twos' for no reason!

Holding hands. I wanted to just leave DD on the street today and go home without her. I am exhausted from stopping her running away, (or alternatively pushing the double (and therefore heavy) buggy whilst she's having a tantrum if I don't let her walk), and just generally spending my whole life saying no. Fed up of hearing myself bribe her simply to get her to put on her pants. Fed up of hearing her nursery tell me how well behaved she is when she's a little madam for me. Fed up of people in the street staring at me as I carry her home under one arm kicking and screaming. Fed up of everything being a battle. Everything. Fed up of wondering where the heck I've gone wrong: I always thought I was pretty strict and set clear boundaries: clearly not. Fed up of no longer knowing how to discipline her: time-outs don't phase her, leaving her in wet knickers to teach her to ask for her potty doesn't bother her. Nothing I can think of gets to her.

I cut her hair short yesterday since I was fed up of her twice daily tantrums over having it brushed so at least that's one less battle. Doesn't help that I have a newborn so am seriously sleep deprived and physically shattered. I watch DH with pure envy when he escapes to his 80hr/wk job...

Can I join the pity party? I don't mean to sound mean but I am glad it's not just me. I could have written all your threads, it rings so true.

Ds is 2.7 and has really escalated. I am alternately considering medication (for me) & quitting work (& stay at home with him - no thanks). I really don't know how to get him under control.

How long do you reckon spates if major meltdowns last? please god don't let it be all year

My DD has curly hair - looks like 'Stig Of The Dump' most days as she won't let me brush it.
I bribe to put knickers on too.
Yep, EVERYTHING is a battle and I also envy DH going to work 5 days as I only work 3.

Well done you for dealing with this and a newborn. :)

All I can suggest from what you've said is that SOME choice is good for children but don't give them TOO MUCH choice. They are only little and can cause more upset than it solves.
Make sure the choices are 'this or this' and then one you want them to pick is the most attractive!

DTD's are 2.5 and I am about to have a front tooth implant at the cost of 3k yes that is three thousand pounds due to a toddler tantrum headbutt, when lovely twin 2 refused to put on her tights!

Can I join?
I am currently enduring hormonal strops from my almost 13yo daughter,
horrific tantrums from 2.4 yo DS2 and my just 1 yo has turned from placid pudding to velcro baby overnight. Poor 8yo DS1 is just getting pushed to one side.
The neighbours actually knocked on the door to see if we were ok today after DS2 had a screaming session.

I have stopped giving choice all together for the 2yo, after the whole
Me "red cup or blue cup?"
DS2 "red cup please"
I pass him the red cup
Instant flailing and screaming "blue cup no Mummy wahhhhh"
Now it's more like this
hand over the red cup
"Oh look you have got the red one yay"
DS2 looks a bit but rarely screams

I got told off for taking her bogies.
"They're not your bodies they're mine - give them back. Waaaaaaaaaa"
I had dared to wipe her nose!

Welcome all, >

bicycle shit, must be hard with a new born too, hope you get a it of rest when dp is at home.
at stig of the dump. We have a bogie battle too, I sing I like to bogie bogie to the I like to move it song. Dts join in now and insist on having a good look at it. . But yeah, how very dare you blow her nose.
Youch Lavita did your teeth get knocked right out ?
Zen I think we will just get used to it then realise its got better. It can't last forever [hopeful]
Oh no notso, I keep on thinking someone is going to knock here, the amount of noise a toddler can make is astonishing.

Thanks Smartie Pants good point.
It is a really lovely day here, spent most of it walking in the woods and playing in the park. Hopefully that will have burnt off lots of energy and be happy this afternoon.

Had a morning of whinging rather than full on meltdowns, one of the Dts has got a nasally, foghorn wail that really goes through me. He did seem a lot better when we got out and about though, so maybe he just needed a change of scenery.
We are going to a family party this evening - hope they behave.
Hope you're all having a peaceful tantrum free day.

SIL has just taken the three boys to the park, result!

A minor strop in town earlier, DS2 shoplifted a toy from M&S and was most put out when I marched back in to apologise

It does pass, really crosses fingers behind back as looks at ds who still sometimes does them at 7

I remember so clearly the first time dd had a tantrum at dh. It was a landmark moment as he wasn't around much and normally only breezed in when I was at the point of drinking brandy straight from the bottle. Anyway, the first time she stopped at him it was like a moment of pure relaxation, he had felt The Power Of The Strop and I could be the calm unflappable one.

It totally changed my view of the strop - it is not personal in any way at all - any adult who did what you just did would receive the same strop. One day you will look back and laugh, especially if you write them down blow by blow and keep them as a future wedding present

How are things going MissSusan? I think that next to tantruming that non-verbal whinge thing really gets my goat. When ds just goes "urrgh" whilst pointing at whatever he wants or wants me to fix more like!

Im catching up on other peoples toddler mayhem. It's nice to know we are not alone.

Am laughing at the 'red cup yay!' post from Notso perhaps I will try the single choice celebration technique. Also LaVita wins the prize for 'most serious injury sustained in the course of a toddler tantrum' - youch!

Yes, good thanks Zen. How are you ?
Dts were perfectly behaved at the family party, we had lots of complimentary comments about their behaviour, which was nice. I did look at them and think that they were 2 completely different toddlers.
Had a couple of minor tantrums today, but nothing too bad.

Good god LaVita, that's shocking

DS seems to be a bit better the last few days but this morning he almost lost it because he asked me to sing a song... and I did. How very stupid of me .

his nickname is Mussolini btw

ItsOkay

Only one meltdown so far today due to a biscuit malfunction in the middle of town, which quickly escalated into DS2 screaming "GLUE IT MUMMY GLUE IT NOOOOOWWWW" needless to say despite a changing bag full of crap essentials I had neglected to pack biscuit glue

I have dts 3.8 and still get melt downs, about really silly things. I know its all about control etc but I can't wait until they are rational! all I can say is pick your battles, use the word tough a lot and , my personal favorite, metallica will cover up the sound of a tantrum until they are calm, other rock bands are available

Biscuit glue or a time machine!

Me: have you finished with that? (yoghurt or whatever)
DD: Yes mummy
Me: can mummy eat it?
DD: Yes mummy
Me: Sure its ok for mummy to finish it for you?
DD: Yes mummy
[eats said item]
DD: whaaaaaaaaaa you eat my yoghurt..... its my yoghurt....... give it back..... whaaaaa whaaaaa sob sob whaaaaaa

HOW????? Just how am I meant to give it back????

use the word tough a lot love it superbagpuss

Major tantrum this morning because I wasn't playing Mickey Moon correctly, possibly because I don't know WTF Mickey Moon is so have no idea of the seeming complex rules. I added fuel to the fire by handing him a bribe banana in the 'wrong' way.

Teen tantrum of the day because I made her tie her tie properly rather than with the five inch wide fat knot that is en vogue and because she couldn't take her Ipod to school.

For what it's worth, msbonkers, I see that your little girl is a curly wurly! As a fellow curly wurly, I can tell you that having your hair brushed really hurts!!!!! Don't do it, as all you will end up with is her hair looking like candy floss! Wash it, towel it, put a teeny bit of product in and leave it to dry. When she gets up, just run your fingers though it to pull it back into shape. No more tantrums, and no stig of the dump look. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I brushed my hair. Conditioner when hair washing to take outhe tangles and that isit. Easy

Thanks Lady. Yep, when I say brush, I mean wave an afro comb (remember those??? lol) within 3 feet of it! I have long hair too and remember the agony of my mum scraping my hair into ponytails.
I have conditioner and leave in detangling spray, but what really grates is that she lets the carers at nursery do it and comes home with prettier hair than she went in with.
Shes lucky its not so curly as to go frizzy, just a lovely wave. Sure she'll spend hour with strightners when she's older though :(

Oh God, Notso, I can't imagine coping with teen tantrums too!

notso well aren't you the lucky one with a toddler and a teen, you must feel so blessed

"How to talk to kids so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" is a great book with some tips for younger as well as older children.
Eg
You are in the park and child asks for raisins, which you don't have. So the book says, replace
"sorry I don't have any raisins" which will probably start a tantrum, with
"Mummy doesn't have any raisins but she wishes she did have some. If she did have some she could give them to you. Mummy wishes she had some raisins. What else do you wish for sometimes? Shall we play a game about wishes?"
My kids are all older now but the book is still good for dealing with them. Might be worth a read.