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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I can't cope with the DCs anymore!

51 replies

Kyrptonite · 07/04/2013 19:25

DC3 is due in September. Already have DS (4) and DD 2.8.

Bedtime is a nightmare. They will be completely knackered but will not stay in bed. DS has to have a stair gate to stop them going in and out of each others rooms and into mine. I tuck them in, say goodnight and leave but within ten minutes they're out of bed playing or shouting for me. I've been up to them 5 times since 6:45.

Behaviour wise DD is going through a stage where she will strop over nothing. She was playing on the floor, I sat on the sofa and she began screaming that I was in her seat (Sheldon Cooper has nothing on her). She will scream and cry and thrash about until she gets her own way.

DS is going through a stage where he calls everyone names such as poo head etc. tried ignoring it but nothing works. He is also still not toilet trained last July I started him and he was making really good progress staying dry but has only done about 7 poos in the toilet since then. Now he is wetting himself regularly and not even telling me and still soiling. He starts school in September and I'm terrified he will be the smelly kid with no friends.

I feel like they're running rings around me. I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MTSgroupie · 07/04/2013 19:54

Your problem is in your post. I mean, you have been up 5 times since 6:45pm. I would have gone up once and told them if I have to come up a second time I will smack them.

Once children pass a certain age you can reason with them. You can tell them that mummy is tired and ask them to play nicely and quietly and let mummy relax. However, when they are younger you just can't reason with them.

You can go Shock Horror! at my suggestion if you want. You can remain totally stressed and tell yourself that you aren't raising some boy that will grow up and think that it's ok to thump other people and or their wives.

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 07/04/2013 19:56

I've smacked before. Then felt guilty and horrible. And I've shouted. So much so I'm pretty sure next door think I'm an evil witch mother.

Neither worked.

OP posts:

MiaSparrow · 07/04/2013 20:05

Wow, defensive much MTSgroupie?

Wossname · 07/04/2013 20:09

Maybe their bedtime is too early?

Not much reasoning to be done with 2.8 year old but am sure you coukd bribe/threaten your so.

Wossname · 07/04/2013 20:09

Sorry for typos

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 07/04/2013 20:10

I usually aim for 7 ish. DD asked to go to bed at 6:30 but is still mucking about. DS was bribed and is sleeping.

They used to be brilliant at sleeping.

OP posts:

forevergreek · 07/04/2013 20:13

i wouldnt smack...

however what bedtime routine do you have atm? personally i think 6.45 is a little early for a 4 year old. do they go to bed at the same time?

i would maybe put 2 year old to bed at 7pm, then 4 year old at 7.30pm. this will allow youngest to fall asleep first.
you could make a big deal out of it to oldest about how hes a 'big boy' now so he can stay up a little bit but needs to go start to sleep if so at 7.30.
you could spend the time between 7 and 7.30 maybe reading quietly together so he gets some one-one time.

maybe give 2 year old a special comforter/teddy especially for bedtime

mtsgroupie - surely smacking will encouraging thumping later one? they are 2 and 4, and need explaining and gentling put to bed, can you imagine how scared you would be at the age of two if someone just smacked you and left you in the dark? im sorry but thats shocking

MTSgroupie · 07/04/2013 20:14

Angry shouting doesnt work. After a while it becomes the norm so the kids just switch off.

As for smacking, from what you said about feeling guilty, I suspect that you undid the work by giving your DS extra cuddles after you smacked him.

MiaSparrow · 07/04/2013 20:17

"As for smacking, from what you said about feeling guilty, I suspect that you undid the work by giving your DS extra cuddles after you smacked him."

Yep, you go on believing that's true.

OzmaofOz · 07/04/2013 20:18

Ah no, sorry things are hard at the moment.

Sounds like lots of separate issues
Dts are 2.9 and the same as your dd, one of them had a tantrum because I looked at him the other day
Have you got many toys in their room ? We had to take everything out of Dts - even their chest of drawers.

forevergreek · 07/04/2013 20:18

mtsgroupie -you say angry shouting doesnt work, of course it wont. have you ever tried just talking to your children at a human level?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/04/2013 20:18

I think bedtime is too early. Mine are 4.8 and 2.1 and they go to bed at 8, up between 6.30 and 7.

How much exercise do they get? It has been a long winter, mine have been outside for hours the last two days and have slept much better for it.

One thing that we've used when we've had bedtime issues in the past is for one of us to just sit in their room while they drop off. Less stressful than lots of running about and getting out of bed.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/04/2013 20:20

MTS I'm going to choose to believe you are a troll, because the idea of a parent actually treating their small children like that horrifies me.

NonnoMum · 07/04/2013 20:25

Do they go too nursery? ASk your HV about them both going? It sounds like you need 5 minutes to yourself. Is your partner hands-on?

forevergreek · 07/04/2013 20:25

agree with oz, we only have a few books and teddies in bedroom with toys elsewhere (ie bedroom just for sleep)- or could you maybe hide toys in drawers etc at night so they arent on view. the more boring the room, the more likely they sleep.

also a run/park each afternoon works wonders if possible.

could you leave the door open and sit outside until they settle?

Viviennemary · 07/04/2013 20:26

It does sound as if bedtime is a bit too early. If mine were tiny again I think I'd try supernanny's methods. Although I know a lot of people don't approve. But what is the point of you being tired, stressed out and miserable and letting them run rings round you. The usual things like lowering your voice and sounding stern and not smiling and not cuddling when they have been naughty. They must learn you are in charge and not them. If only it was that simple.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 07/04/2013 20:27

What is your OH doing in all of this?

marriedinwhiteagain · 07/04/2013 20:28

I too think the bedtime might be a bit early and that DS needs a bit of special attention once dd has gone to bed. Make it a real routine, bath, story, hug, kiss, bed. Go and if they play up withdraw a treat - see below.

Re the potty training - actually both of mine were wee trained very quickly but took a long time to poo on the loo. They asked for the pot; the pot was next to the loo and did it there until I think they were at least 4 ish. In fact dd was scared of the loo for ages - until at least 4 and weed in the potty.

One thing mine always had was a sweetie ration (I know; I know) but they were allowed to chose four sweets after tea time. It was a little something but something that could be withdrawn. I well recall the poopoo head days. DS was warned one, twice and then the sweets were banned for a week. He never ever said anything like poo poo head again and quicly learnt about consequences.

Hope it all gets better - poor you.

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 07/04/2013 20:29

They go to nursery 8-4 with me every day as I work there full time. They have to be up and ready to leave at 6:30am to get the bus some mornings so 6:30 was best bedtime for 12 hours sleep or near enough.

They've been in the woods playing all afternoon. DD is still playing in her room, DS has crashed out. Contemplating audio books in bedrooms but think DD is too young for it to have any effect. She keeps waking up between 5:30/6 even though its Easter holidays and we have another week off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 07/04/2013 20:30

DP is hands on but does shift work so will do 4 days 7-7 then 4 days off then 4 night shifts 7-7. So some days it's just me battling the little feckin cherubs.

OP posts:

Ra88 · 07/04/2013 20:30

It's not too early for them at all . My dd (4) has gone to bed between 6:30-7:00 (usually 6:30!) since the age of about 8 months old . Yes she has had tantrums along the way but that's just normal but that is her bedtime and she has learnt to understand that now .

WidowWadman · 07/04/2013 20:31

My 4 year old is allowed to quietly sit in bed and look at a book whilst listening to a CD until she's tired enough. My 2 year old only listens to a CD in the dark.

As long as they stay in bed and it's quiet I don't mind and bed times are quite tantrum free.

forevergreek · 07/04/2013 20:33

ah ok. could you still do separate bedtimes slightly? so settle 2 year old at 6.30, and 4 year old at 6.45?

does 2 year old nap still?

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 07/04/2013 20:34

Sometimes she naps. Not always a d it doesn't seem to make a difference at bedtime.

Sweetie ratio sounds like an idea!

OP posts:

AnAirOfHope · 07/04/2013 20:36

Put the 2yo to bed first at 7pm
Then when she is asleep put the 4yo bath bed book and sleep, lights down and calm.

My son is 4.2 and he wet himslef today when we were on a day out and we had to go home as i didnt bring a change of clothes with us. He is normally really good but accidents happen, he was having fun and forgot. No biggy he will get it. I had to explain why we had to change him and had to go home as he didnt know it was no ok to stay out in wet jeans because he is 4. Shouting and smacking dont work it.just causes more trouble and hurt and does not solve the issue. I say ?you have had a accident, lets try to get it in the toilet next time. You have to tell mum/me when you need to go? then ask do you need the toilet every few hours for a few days to retrain.

I would do the training now before the new baby comes to make it easier.

2yo have tantrums just ignore it.

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