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Original poster

Mumsnet behaviour-is it a police state?

499 replies

talktalk · 04/05/2006 14:18

Hello, I've been lurking on Mumsnet for some time now but finally decided to post having been horrified at the reception that some people have received.

I always assumed that, within reason, mumsnet would be a place for parents/carers to come and, mostly anonymously, discuss their concerns. Over the last few weeks I have seen some ghastly behaviour from mns against innocent posts.
Are some of you out there assuming the mantle of "mumsnet police" and if so should you not announce that fact?

Why are people so aggressive? I've researched some of the more aggressive posters and it seems that there is a pattern to their behaviour.
If you disagree with a post or challenge its viewpoint perhaps you should just make it known and move on-berating people for their view or concern seems wrong to me.

There are lovely people on mumsnet and its such a shame that there are others who seem to get too busy and bully people into submission when they don't agree with them Sad

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GDG · 04/05/2006 19:38

Actually, I agree with TT and I have seen examples of 'virtual bullying' on MN. Just because it's directed at someone that the 'bully' feels can take it, does not make it acceptable. I have been pretty horrified on occasion but at the end of the day MN is generally a fab place to be and there are some fantastic people posting. It's easy to get wound up by 'bullies' but just as easy to switch the PC off and forget it - it's really their problem ultimately.

PanicPants · 04/05/2006 21:01

lol custy :o

But thats what makes it sooooo funny at times, You've just not got to take it so seriously.

sobernow · 04/05/2006 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hugeheadofhair · 04/05/2006 21:27

Did anyone notice that TT seems to have disappeared from this thread? (Not meaning anything by this, by the way)

WWWontSlagOffAnyone · 04/05/2006 21:30

This is one of those threads that makes everyone wonder if they're one of The Names. Paranoia will abound!

expatinscotland · 04/05/2006 21:31

And WWB has vowed not to slag anyone. Anymore. Ever.

ArseBiscuits · 04/05/2006 21:35

.

Rhubarb · 04/05/2006 21:37

Hmmmm, well I kinda think what do you expect from a load of women on a talk board??? I mean, you do get allsorts here, the bullies, the shy ones, the nympho ones, the couldn't give a stuff mothers, the earth mothers, etc, and in a way that's what I like about it, it's real life in a funny kind of way!

Yes there are bullies on here, I've not been bullied but I've been followed from thread to thread before now by someone keen to have a go or make a point. I've heard of other MNers who have been reduced to tears because of bullies and there have been MNers who have emailed others and threatened them. Not very nice.

There are those I get on with more, there are those whose threads I tend to avoid, there are those whose threads I go on because I know they are a laugh. I can choose you see!

But I do feel sorry for newbies who ask a question that's been asked many times before, unknown to them, and they get a sarcastic response. There is the cliché who think that Mumsnet belongs to them and they slag off threads that they deem to be 'boring'. That's very rude and offputting to newcomers.

Other than that I really don't have anything to say! Grin

GDG · 04/05/2006 21:51

Good post Rhub!

Avalon · 04/05/2006 22:06

lol Sobernow Grin

veNivIDiViCkiqV · 04/05/2006 22:09

Yes.

Tortington · 04/05/2006 22:36

rhubarb said what i did in a far more sensible fashion.

cataloguequeen · 04/05/2006 22:41

ditto Rhuby!!

jamiesam · 04/05/2006 22:49

Sorry to be so dull but - good post Rhubarb! (It would appear I wish to join your fan club!)

Talk talk, I agree that people do seem to be more aggressive on MN that in real life and I've still not entirely sussed out why that is. Anonymity has at least something to do with it I guess!

However, I have noticed (omg, stalker alert) that people who make a controversial first post - if they don't disappear forever - go on to become firm members of MN. If you have strong opinions and aren't afraid to voice them, you'll get on well! If you aren't mean to boot then we'll all love you (well, not quite but....)Grin

veNivIDiViCkiqV · 04/05/2006 22:50

Custy - sensible is sometimes boring Grin

brimfull · 04/05/2006 22:58

well said rhubarb

cataloguequeen · 04/05/2006 23:00

who's the Nympho ones??? RhubyGrin

handlemecarefully · 04/05/2006 23:04

I think jamiesam, the reason ppl are more aggressive on here than in RL is because in RL to oil the wheels of social discourse you have to swallow a lot of bile and not say what your really think....so consequently mumsnet is a safe outlet where you can finally let rip with all that pent up frustration

The times this bothers me on mumsnet however is when a poster is getting a bit of flak and is clearly becoming upset, and yet posters still keep up ' the attack'

I've been blunt and abrasive sometimes (haven't we all) - but usually apologise if I have upset someone.

veNivIDiViCkiqV · 04/05/2006 23:05
Tortington · 04/05/2006 23:33

yeah rhuby - name names. dare you who are the shagfesters?

Tortington · 04/05/2006 23:34

rhuby truly is king and queen of MN - all hail.

Tortington · 04/05/2006 23:34

sept me - am not hailin

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 11:08

Sorry, this site has become too small for my head now!

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 12:00

It's funny you should say that, Rhubarb, because I'd be happy to shrink the size of your head for you Grin.

I came across a thread last night that may have been one of the ones talktalk was thinking of, in which you, dear rhubarb, caused some controversy by asking a woman who posted about her son getting erections why she had changed her name (you'd obviously checked - which I can't understand, don't people have better things to do???), suggested it might look like she was a troll (that's the nice way of putting it, another way is you suggested it was a troll) and sugested she should have mentioned she'd changed her name or it was her first post. You then got very defensive when you got flak. It made me think along the same lines as talk talk because what I couldn't understand was, if you genuinely was giving that woman the benefit of the doubt and thought she might be a newbie, why did you kind of have a go at her for not mentioning the fact? I mean, surely a newbie wouldn't know there was such a "code"? And then you also suggested it looked she was a troll? Again - wouldn't it have been nicer of you if you'd explained what that meant, given you, ahem, [genuinely] thought she might be a newbie?? To be honest, it smacked of the kind of sanctimonous and -there's-a-code-you-better follow-it behaviour I don't really like in some MNers. I have asked on other occasions what "troll" and another phrase I can't remember was, but noone bothered to explain. On the other hand, I am in several clubs on here (and yes, rhubarb, you can check if you're so inclinded) and have met some really lovely people.

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 12:09

Sorry, haven't quite finished my rant - in the case of the woman asking about her son, why would you have such a problem with her changing her name, rhubarb? I know you said the issue was normal behaviour, but by doing that you are setting standards as to what merits a name change and what doesn't. Some people get embarrassed by talking about sex - and heaven forbid the woman might have wanted to protect her son's privacy in case people knew who she was in real-life - and they should be allowed to do it without others checking into and questioning them about their posting history. Why should people have to start posts by saying they've changed their name and why? Can't you have a bit more empathy?

Anyway, rant over now. Grin. Sorry talktalk for hijacking, but the other thread is dead now and I agree with you that there is a bit of policing going on.