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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Mumsnet behaviour-is it a police state?

499 replies

talktalk · 04/05/2006 14:18

Hello, I've been lurking on Mumsnet for some time now but finally decided to post having been horrified at the reception that some people have received.

I always assumed that, within reason, mumsnet would be a place for parents/carers to come and, mostly anonymously, discuss their concerns. Over the last few weeks I have seen some ghastly behaviour from mns against innocent posts.
Are some of you out there assuming the mantle of "mumsnet police" and if so should you not announce that fact?

Why are people so aggressive? I've researched some of the more aggressive posters and it seems that there is a pattern to their behaviour.
If you disagree with a post or challenge its viewpoint perhaps you should just make it known and move on-berating people for their view or concern seems wrong to me.

There are lovely people on mumsnet and its such a shame that there are others who seem to get too busy and bully people into submission when they don't agree with them

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Chloe55 · 05/05/2006 12:10

That's what I luuurve about mn! When I first came on here I never really lurked and jumped right in, luckily I have never had grief as such but one of my first threads (forget what it was about now) had a comment from an mnetter suggesting I searched the archives as the question had been asked before. I was a little taken aback considering I didn't even know how to check the archives! Luckily, other posters answered my question so I didn't need to. When I see this happening now I try and answer the newbies questions if I can or bump it so at least they know someone gives a shit.

I was a little nervous about joining threads with certain people as if you don't express yourself in a very clear, well punctuated, well spelt, well written way then you are almost made to look stupid. I can't give examples as tbh I have forgotten what the threads were about. And, I have to add, I have only seen the odd poster do this but compare it to the hundreds/thousands? of people on here and you will see that the majority are very kind and helpful.

I love to follow the bitchy threads but I am crap with come-backs so don't tend to post!!!

expatinscotland · 05/05/2006 12:17

Gotta love MN, when the newbies come out all guns blazin'.

How about a nice ladygarden thread?

zippitippitoes · 05/05/2006 12:39

punctuation police?? isn't that just tongue in cheek too... i can punctuate and use capitals etc but I don't always. I can't type so often I don't bother that much but some days I do a lovely pedantic well written post and I am particularly pleased with it. I was delighted that my uber phrase glossy normalisation was highly praised

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 13:11

TaiTai - anyone with half a brain will know that to name change or to post a first thread on a topic such as erections in toddlers is going to look at bit suspicious. I did not call her a troll, she assumed that I did, but I just alerted her to the fact that her post might be seen as suspicious. Her reaction was not one I anticipated. Yes I did check out her name, I feel we all have a duty to do that when sexual topics regarding children come up.

I am the mother of a 2.5yo son and discussions on public forums of erections and even masturbation gets my suspicious sensor out. As it happens, that poster was new, not a name changer, the thread was their first thread, they over-reacted to my comment (and others) and when they got supportive comments, they chose to ignore them and flounce out anyway. If that was me, I would understand completely why the post could be seen as suspicious and would have done my best to reassure that I was genuine.

There are people whom I am sure do not like me on Mumsnet, but that's fine, I probably wouldn't like them either! This just illustrates what I said in my last post, about people following you from thread to thread to make a point.

SaintGeorge · 05/05/2006 13:17

Why do those with concerns get the flak?

Rhubarb got loads of flak on that thread from both newish and regular MNers. Strangely I didn't (except one comment from the OP) even though I posted in defence of Rhuby's viewpoint.

No one accused the poster of being a troll just posted questions which weren't answered, which in turned caused me to be concerned. I am still not sure what to think of that particular poster.

SaintGeorge · 05/05/2006 13:19

Oh and I don't think Rhuby got defensive on that thread either - just rightly annoyed that she was the one coming in for the flak.

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 13:23

Thanks SG, yes I do think some people have the knives out for me atm for whatever reason. I suggest TaiTai read the whole thread and then quote to me the bits she found offensive or judgemental.

I stand by what I said. I was perfectly polite to her and only suggested that her post might be construed as suspicious. Her over-reaction made me even more so.

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 13:24

Rhubarb, forgive me, but it's a little self-centred to suggest I followed you from thread to thread. I saw the other thread last night, and then I happened to see this one today and you were on it saying what you did. I wasn't consciously looking out for you, haven't done a search for your name or anything like that.

I don't agree that anyone with half a brain would think it looked suspicious as a first post - seems to me the sort of issue that you might be worried about enough to lead you to seek out mumsnet, or, if you already know about it, to post for the first time. And she did answer questions. I can see why you might be on alert (although I personally think that's over-cautious)but I do think you were too aggressive in your approach.

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 13:28

TaiTai - I don't think I want to bother answering you, you obviously know nothing about me.

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=168735&stamp=060429195056#3522167\Here} is the thread in question, read carefully and make your own minds up.

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 13:30

The OP on the thread wrote this:

"Hello

I didn't say I'd created a new talk name as I was embarrassed at asking for help on such a sensitive subject. That was all.

Thank you to the people who tried to help. "

From that I assume she is a name changer, and not a new poster as you said below.

suzywong · 05/05/2006 13:33

Has this thing kicked off yet?

Is this another :why are people so mean I don't geddit" thread?

It's a community of ladies, what on earth to you expect??? Duh.

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 13:34

Do you have any more points to make? Would you like to make more uncanny observations about my personality? Or are you done now?

Just wondering!

JoolsToo · 05/05/2006 13:34

\link{http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/5043/policebat5wm.jpg\police state?}

JackieNo · 05/05/2006 13:34

How do you do that, JoolsToo?

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 13:35

Only that you might want to read carefully yourself in future, before instructing other people to do so. And that saying "I don't believe that" to a poster - as you did - is a bit aggressive. All done now.

cod · 05/05/2006 13:36

cna somoen summarise this hwoel htread pleases?

suzywong · 05/05/2006 13:36

oh cod you are funny, you an your Da-da-ist typing

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 13:37

I don't believe it, I stand by what I said. I don't believe that a 2.5yo boy could be sexually aroused looking at pictures of scantily clad women. He wasn't 4 or 5 or 6, like the other ds's on that thread, he was 2.5 - the same age as my own son.

But many thanks on your observations! I shall make sure that I fully consult the morality brigade before I go posting any opinions again!

Have a nice day now!

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 13:43

You're perfectly entitled not to believe someone, but it might be more helpful when someone is concerned to not bluntly state you don't believe them (and to suggest it raises suspicions), but to say, for example, as some people did, that you doubt there's a link. Sexual arousal is very complicated and varies from person to person, (and child to child). We might not believe something, but doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

For what it's worth though, I know you didn't mention abuse on the other thread so I that was an overreaction on the other poster's part to say you did.

yeahinaminute · 05/05/2006 13:46

Well that certainly got everyone fired up ...
This thread will now officially die ... for no other reason than I can kill a thread in a nano - second and now I've posted!
Strange really - am successful, confident person, great social life with lots of good friends and family in RL yet I post on here and usually manage to kill the threads !!

cod · 05/05/2006 13:47

grr

suzywong · 05/05/2006 13:47

no you don't

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 13:47

TaiTai - I have a son the same age, I did criminology at Uni, I found out about things I wish I hadn't. Since then I am very suspicious about people wanting to share these observations with others and asking for their experiences. If it was genuine, I really do think they would have understood and reassured us that they were, but they didn't, they automatically said "abuse! how dare you!!!"

If I was harsh, it was for a valid reason in my mind. If I had such a concern about my son I would not be posting it on the www for arseholes to get off on, I'd be asking my HV or another mum with boys. That's just me knowing what I know.

Now then - truce?

yeahinaminute · 05/05/2006 13:48

Bollocks - wrong again !

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 13:56

I take that as a no then!

Just wanted to be the thread killer!!!!

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